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Daddy Doesnt Love Me

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  #1  
Old 01-12-2007, 01:05 AM
Journeya (Offline)
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Default Daddy Doesnt Love Me


Fatherly Love

There once lived a boy who had a father that didn't love him.

Why would he think this?
Because he never said it, he never said it, he simply didn't t say it.

"I love you"

NoPe, didn't say it.

Why? Didn't know, simply didn't, hand no idea, couldn't figure it out.

SO, he tried, hard, really hard, over and over again,
Like, sooo hard.

At first simple indeed was his, the sons', simple attempt to make him say it.

The boy'd say Dad, " You love me?" ,,,,,, (from his fathers wide chest echos a simple , yes).
Dad, "You love me?" .......(the man again yes's the kid)

or
Dad, "I love you!" ...... (Yay, he doesn't yes him this time, he actually says me too. Me too? ME TOO? WHy don't u just say it. Three Efffin' WoOords)

Again in swedish this time--Far, "Jag alska du" ...... (Va bra , han icke ja honom den hår time , han egentlig säga jag alltför. Jag alltför? JAG Alltför? Varför enta fullständig rättvis säga den. Trrrrre DUuum OorRden)

NOT A THING WORKED

Soooooo, he doesn't love him.
He just doesn't.
Cant, doesn't say it, SO doesn't. Right?

So the boy lived, he lived, I said he lived, remember? The first line? "There once lived a boy". YeA, thats him dude thats the boy.

-- Authors Aside--- Sorry I'm jittery around new people and were so not far into the story, i barely know u and I'm yapping away, i think thats why people hate books. They yapp at u and give u no time to yap back, they just keep yapping. The are basicallly extended complaints, complaints about society, they way we view the world, a life, their life, Auto biographies are basically just honest books because the complaining isn't even super really hidden, thats probably why I hate them so much, nothing hidden, Wow autobiographies suck.


I'll give you a few seconds to talk back, about 10 seconds. And Go(nothing mean please, as i wont be there to hear you and that would be suuUuper shady saying it behind my back and now u only have 8 seconds, so sorry, maybe i should add some time or just hurry cauuuuuussssee youuuuve got about 4 seconds. I mean its not like I have a choice, u none book reader people, who coincidentally probably aren't reading this, YEA UUUUuuuuuu, Uuuuuuuuu, no not you reading, the person behind you Playing the Doom-BOX, YEea, UUUUUUUUUUUU, Uuu should, nO, must, please feel sympathy for your book cause it like an interesting friend that never shuts up, hopefully if its a good choice, i guess thats another reason, toooo many bad ones, this one probably counts, I'm self defeating, i admit it.)


Ok, so, where was I, Ohh YEa ok so my dad doesn't love me.

I said I, You know its me, awww gehhhhy, you knew it was me. Right? YOU KNEW, you knew i was the boy, you had to have known, you'd be a moron not to have, common, how did you know it was me? Fuck i have to know if u knew but not bad enough to speak to you, I told you I was shy. Damn I need to know if you knew, Write me a short paper if u knew right here, detailing whether or not it was due to personal experience or a some swiss-holes in my Writing.
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ___.

OK NOW U GUYS IM EVEN OUT OF MY HILARIOUS WRITER MODE AND INTO ALL SERIOUSNESS. I WAS FADED WHEN I STARTED AND IM BURNING OUT AND JUST CAN THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE TO WRITE. SO JUST THINK ABOUT IF THE FACT THAT ITS Unfinished IS SOME SORT OF COMMENTARY ON THE 420 REVOLUTION. NOT COMMENTARY ON MY DAD DOESNT LOVE ME SO I SMOKE POT BUT ON THE STORY, LOL.



-Journey Andersson

"Believe in the rebirth of weed and the 3rd renaissance revolution will come to you not televised, or legalized but when your Herbalized." -President of the 3RR.

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  #2  
Old 01-12-2007, 03:13 AM
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Thread moved.
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Old 01-16-2007, 09:50 PM
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This is a very deep subject, and it's easy for me to see what you're feeling here. (And even more interesting the way you connect it to pot...)
And in fact your end "Authors note" feels part of the story, in a way, because it makes for a unique transition between the boy and you, and the reasons why the boy "does what he does" (and even more interesting because he writes the story describing all of this while he is actually high.)

That being said, this was so stream of consciousness that for the most part I could not follow what you were saying.
I think the stream of consciousness was a good start (because, indeed, everything is connected in your story. You're high, writing about a "boy" whose father doesn't love him and so he smokes, and writes stories, like this one. It's a circle).
I've noticed this a lot in your work. You have good ideas, Journey... it's just when you put them on paper that they become confusing and.. befuddled? for the rest of us.

But now that you've got your ideas out I want to see you go back over this and clean it up. Fix the commas, the mis-spellings, the overly confusing fragmented sentences... and when you've done that I think you have the makings of a very thought provoking piece.
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Old 01-17-2007, 11:39 AM
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Wow. I really liked it. I didn't at first, then I read your other post and realized that your writing was in vein of the fictitious author rather than actually your style.

That said... I think you should be a bit clearer: S-o-C tends to annoy people trying to read it, so if you're going for reader satisfaction you have a long way to go. Perhaps some clue at the beginning that this is told from the point of view of another character, and not actually you...
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