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Old 11-03-2006, 02:23 AM
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"Yet Another Day"

Every day I wake up at the same time and walk to the same bus stop. Around 6:30, I am off to that same crazy high school. I do not hang out with the coolest group of people ,yet I still have an awesome time. Before I know it, people crowd to see yet another fight. Why they fight I do not know. They just are putting on another show. The same students get called to the office. Every other day, there is a sub, which none of us like. She put out are whole class last year. All she is a hypocrite, but most people in school are too. One day they are your best friend, and the next day they are stabbing you in the back. Then there is that person you can always count on, even if you treated her/him like garbage the day before. Then there is that person who is so quiet that no one notices. There also are those people who are superficial. Around 12:00, everyone goes to lunch. After, someone will do something stupid to make everyone laugh. By the end of the day, everyone cannot wait for that last bell. Even the teachers cannot wait to go home. When that bell rings, I go back on that same bus, and usually I am the last one to get off it. I walk down my street to my home. I then do my homework, study, eat, amd watch t.v. Then I sit on my bed wondering what tomorrow will bring.

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Old 01-10-2007, 05:08 PM
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I guess schools are pretty well the same where ever you go. I know that this is free writing style. But if ever you write a story be careful of repeat words and slight errors.


Then there is that person you can always count on, even if you treated her/him like garbage the day before. Then there is that person who is so quiet that no one notices.

With a little bit of tightening up your story would flow better. What I mean by tightening up is to remove the repeats and phrase you words differently.
For the second part you could have written something like; and those who are so quiet, they're not noticed.

The comma can be placed only if you want a pause in your sentence.
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