WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry

Poetry Sit down or take a stand in this poetry section.


Skulls of Salvation

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 05-30-2008, 04:57 AM
lanaia74 (Offline)
I Am My Own Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 97
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Default Skulls of Salvation


From my fantasy series Of Atlantis, volume two, Skulls of Salvation

If you are not familiar with Mayan mythology or legend
Then pay close attention to what I have to say
The ways of mankind have become chaotic, and need to mend
December 21, 2012, according to the Mayan legend, all life will end on earth that day.

Mayan chieftains, from long ago, left thirteen skulls, to help us with this quest
If you arrange all skulls in a circle, they are supposed to reveal, all we need to know
To prevent our own demise, how we can pass this devastating test
How we can prevent reaping all the devastating seeds, every day we sew.

So see we haven't got much time to find the skulls
Made of crystal, they do exist, because seven have been found
Six are still lost, but we must find them, to stop, the overflow, our cup is full
Overflowing with mankind's havoc and evil, the skulls will keep us from being hell bound.

Totally made of crystal, from so long ago, perfection in these skulls, makes no sense
How were they made, from so long ago, not even a tool mark
To show how they were created! Impossible! It just doesn't make any sense
The voices of the chieftains, try to reach us over an ocean of time, and give us a light to see in the dark.

According to legend, these skulls are computers of the old
Whose only sole purpose, were to save us from yourself
Time now is short we must find them, according to Mayan myth, that so long ago was told
Where ever the remaining skulls may be, we must search find them, take them from their hidden shelf.

Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 05-30-2008, 04:19 PM
Baron's Avatar
Baron (Offline)
Homer's Odyssey Was Nothing
Official Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,089
Thanks: 8
Thanks 11
Default

This is very procaic despite the rhyme scheme. The rhythm is more like prose than poetry. I think that where you have done really well is to use the rhyme in such a way that it doesn't appear forced. I enjoyed the read.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 06-08-2008, 02:30 PM
Tau's Avatar
Tau (Offline)
Solemn Simulacrum
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Unknown, possibly nowhere.
Posts: 8,830
Thanks: 497
Thanks 682
Default

A good read but it felt more like prose then poetry to me. Also I am not sure if the voice of the piece is talking to the reader or to the characters in the story, at times it is a bit split.

Well not that helpful I know, but that’s because I’m no good at critiquing.
__________________
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My Salvation apenn05 Poetry 0 02-26-2007 07:27 AM
For the Nations in which Salvation is wanted, I Burned TillDusk Poetry 11 08-23-2006 05:53 PM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 02:08 PM.

vBulletin, Copyright 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.