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When Was It That The Love Went Cold?

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  #1  
Old 11-25-2008, 11:35 AM
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Default When Was It That The Love Went Cold?


When Was It That The Love Went Cold?

When was it
that the love went cold?
No north wind blew to bring the news,
or give a warning to my searching soul.
To live for love
had seemed the natural thing to choose;
so when was it that the love went cold?
We were singing
like two sailors, drunk
on the sweet wine of awareness -
soon washed away
by strains of punk rock that had no place
for tenderness, or knowledge
of that sweet caress that turned
the eagle to the dove –
before the bitter cold
that killed the love.

A single mother walks along the quiet Sunday street;
she dreams and lives in hopes of that day dawning
when at last she’ll make ends meet.
Those who sang so loudly at the charismatic meeting
will be gathered round their tables, laughing,
carving Sunday roast and eating well;
did any of them notice those among them
who can’t heat and eat - in homes a stone’s throw
from a living hell?

Elysian fields can have such great appeal -
to those who ply their art
with bleeding hearts, who care
about the way that others feel,
until a bed laid in a doorway makes the vision
less than real. So –
when was it that the love went cold;
when winter winds brought selfish thoughts,
to drive a bitter spike
into the souls of those who once
would not have looked away?

Did God look down upon this place and say,
I can’t see any of these races I would save?
Is it He or us that leads all to the grave,
where we may speak the eulogy for love?
The answer lies within each person’s soul;
do you know just when it was
the love went cold?

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Old 11-25-2008, 03:28 PM
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Just my usual note to say that I will be back to comment when I've had time to think on this.
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Old 11-27-2008, 01:35 PM
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That was awesome. You do really great poetry.
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Old 12-01-2008, 02:29 AM
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Okay, in all honesty, this is a good sentiement but the delivery leaves me cold. The opening stanza suggests to me the story of a romantic love that has stagnated, been lost. Near the end of the stanza, the mention of eagle and dove signalled that I was on the wrong track.

Next image, a single mother, struggling to make ends meet. Hallmark sentiment aside, this should still tug at the old heartstrings. Instead I feel nothing. I'm just reading words on paper. Someone else's thoughts, conveyed without emotion. Nor do I despise the well-off with their Sunday roasts. For one, I'm not sure if they are meant to represent the bleeding-heart, do-gooder liberals from the upper classes who rail against ideas of poverty and want. For another, there are too many shades of grey between those who have and those who have not, for me to be willing to damn anyone for having food on their table.

The third stanza opens with a confused vision of Elysian fields and homeless people bedding down in doorways. It improves in the later lines, and I like the metaphor of winter bringing selfish thoughts, but it's not enough to appeal to emotion yet.

The final stanza deals with a philosophical point that removes the embedded question even farther from the realms of feeling. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but this is all descriptions without delivery or punch. I feel as though you are talking at me, not trying to engage my sympathy on the plight of the needy.

I'm sorry this isn't a very positive critique, but I know you value honesty above empty sycophancy, so hope I will be forgiven!
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Old 12-01-2008, 02:57 AM
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About the time that Disney first wrote his romantic craps they call animated joy today.

No, but seriously, Wilde's short story about the Remarkable Rocket... did in fact comment,
'Any place you love is the world to you,' exclaimed a pensive Catharine Wheel, who had been attached to an old deal box in early life, and prided herself on her broken heart; 'but love is not fashionable any more, the poets have killed it.'
I agree.

But I think your poem does bring out one or two ideas that I wouldn't normally have thought of.

There were one or two Hallmark-type bits I thought, but mostly, very good.
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Old 12-10-2008, 05:23 PM
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Thanks for the comments
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Old 12-16-2008, 05:50 AM
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The title and first few lines were promising, not sure what I was expecting but they were promising.
Unfortunately I then got a little lost. As best as I can understand this it feels like a selection of parts from different poems that got mixed up.
Stanza one and two feel related but three and four each feels separate from the others.
This doesn’t help much, sorry, but I will give it some more thought.
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Old 01-01-2009, 03:42 PM
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I enjoyed the poem, however, I felt it a little disconnected. It seemed to be three poems combined.
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