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Thoughts on body parts

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Old 11-25-2014, 06:28 PM
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Default Thoughts on body parts


Hi all,

I'd like some thoughts on body parts. I wrote this quite a while ago and as I am thinking of submitting my English poetry for a poetry book to be published would like opinions on some of the poetry that I can't quite figure out myself.

The below is one such poetry that I wrote all in one go and am not sure about the end result and whether I should include it in what I submit for publishing.

"Body parts

Body parts, body pieces, light the stove

Or have it raw, if that is how you eat love




Piece me, piece me, piece me for the pot

Piece me, minced love me or love me not

Some like it raw others like it boiling hot

So put on the kettle, seize it now this lot

What where the spices, I think I forgot

Hasten with the salt before they can rot



Keep my little hands in your sweet lap

When I come back I will give you a tap

And take them back for knuckles to rap

These hands of mine resist, they do slap

They were yours, a gift, love flow you a tap

For a little while, wayward, foolish mishap



This is love in disguise it comes and departs

No technical war, no play, no martial arts

This is love in pieces, this is love for all hearts

It oozes from all of these mine cut body parts

The cuts are still deep, the feeling just smarts

It goes and it comes and I wince when it starts



Hasten your step, I will show you this mine way

Come, enter this fridge and take what you may

Take one piece or two, greed you’ll now display

I will not watch you though the rest of it I’ll sway

It wasn’t your doing this mine meat you didn’t slay

Heartened you might as well use it for it will decay



Piece me, piece me, piece me try to please me

Piece me, fleece me, you’d never amuse me

Piece me, piece me, piece me and tease me

Watch it I bleed you turn red if you squeeze me

Oozing a mass of flesh, blood and bone so slimy

Dark red on snow white, the look of it so grimy



When they come to you for minced love to send

Try as you may for your arms to close and fend

Off from you this vile dark foe it’s not a friend

More body parts he’ll come and ask you to blend

Someday he’ll come the prince who will mend

Or maybe it will just be the one who’ll pretend



He isn’t the one that you thought God had sent

For you and your poor aging heart that you spent

Tirelessly waiting no dark death did you resent

As clocks ticked slowly and time by you just went

Shaking your head you thought it was not meant

To be this way, while another piece you present



So many before you had come here and just stole

A small piece of hand, a mind, a heart, some soul

Earlier coming, you would have found me whole

But now, alas, a bone, a leg, a hand and a mole

But those you will take too and pile up some coal

This Barbecue is waiting grab you a lost dole



Piece me, piece me, piece me, try to appease me

The pieces I have cut, you cannot try to freeze me

Hark now you strayed, have been followed by HE

Whose name we shall not voice, leave it mystery

Slackening your pace you allowed him to get thee

To the source of my pieces he’ll come and cut free



Hunger it comes sharp but out suddenly it will flow

And gaunter the cheeks and much tighter the brow

Darkness arrives there comes its darker shadow

Waning little light fading out where is your glow?

These pieces of mine take them to tell and show

And then lay them down to be covered by the snow



Rejoice there is more left in where this came from

As soon as we see that to this feast you have come

Invoking the tribal meal, we’ll beat you some drum

A piece for joy, a piece for love, a piece for tedium

Take it all spiced or just salted with water or rum

Tasty morsels invoke music as you chew and hum



I watch you chew and eat a meal so nightmarish

Your features twisted they’ve turned all ghoulish

A cheek a shriveled heart, they taste like some fish

All morsels of choice nothing to throw, no rubbish

On you chew and chew with most tasteless relish

Chew and then pass around the remains of the dish



Piece me, piece me, piece me and much unease me

Some do it well up high, while others so carelessly

Leaving fragments of bone marred jutting ungainly

I watch the butcher, while he whistles the task gory

Ye butcher pound away piece me and deep freeze me

And when time comes, defreeze and release me"

__________________
Geetha Balvannanathan

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Shimmer of a moon
Dying through the waning night
Covered by sun soon
You rise lightly in my eyes
Dawn, you soften all my cries
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  #2  
Old 11-26-2014, 06:19 PM
Vian (Offline)
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Hi Geetha

I must say I was intrigued and disturbed when I saw the title of your poem. Curiosity got the better of me and I read it, and re-read it again. I was pleasantly surprised that I liked it. I thought it has a really nice flow, content and style.

Unfortunately I just joined today and am trying to find out if my writing is any good. So I can't really offer you any constructive feedback, other than I really enjoyed your poem. Thank you for sharing.

Vian
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