WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Free Writing

Free Writing Plot bunnies, random musings, etc. No one-liners.


Ten Minute Writing Exercise.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 04-27-2006, 01:28 PM
kal's Avatar
kal (Offline)
Still Clicking!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Le Joli Rouge
Posts: 4,894
Thanks: 44
Thanks 33
Ten Minute Writing Exercise.


It was an idea I picked up.. somewhere else.. but it's excellent. Just write and edit, but you only have ten minutes to do it in. Titania I know you used to do it, lets continue it in style shall we?

Here are some examples of mine, other wrote poetry and short stories, I just free flowed.

I miss you, but I don't love you. I wish I could, but you left me, you left me numb. We dance around our old life style, playfully flirting, it's harmless but I know it's not going to stay that way for ever. We're headed for a fall and we're not even in Eden. You abandoned me once, twice, I can see it a third time. I can see it before me; I can see myself crying in bed. I can see it all, but I can't stop it. Do you remember when I fell off the bed? I hurt my head on your amp; you couldn't stop laughing long enough to help me up, as I lay naked on your bedroom floor nursing my wound and crying tears soaked in laughter. I wish that was all the damage you'd done, a little bit of hurt pride. We'd lie in bed for hours and you'd curl yourself around me, play with my hair, youíd trace my scars with your fingers, with your lips. One for my parents, one for my cousin, one for all the others; who thought I could survive alone. One for you, but you'll never see it. I miss you; I miss your hands at my hips when we dance, when we stand still and listen to the bands. I miss your breath down my neck, the way I'd shiver and you'd laugh. You were everything, and then suddenly I found myself with nothing. Now you're coming back, and I can see the warning signs, everything is so familiar, except when we part. There are no ďI love youĒs, there are no kisses, there is nothing. Darling you went from everything to nothing. I miss you so dearly, you donít love me, I canít bear to love you.
Thank you for your sideways glances, the quick flashes over your notebook. I appreciate that you played my game, returned my smiles and advances. It was obvious I knew perfectly well how to use my computer, but cheers all the same for not letting on, for ďfixingĒ it for me, so I could pretend to be impressed. To let you know, my computer illiteracy was a lie, but I honestly donít have a clue about poetry and your email may come in handy, should I choose to take this to round two. Your manners were impeccable, a true gentleman who held the door open for what would be considered to be less than a lady. But my heart was being stolen as we spoke, my desire tugged away from your reaches, he has a greater hold on me that you ever could. Thank you for playing me game, it was cruel I know. You lost, but fought bravely, with courage of conviction and strength where I had none.
March 26th, motherís day; this will be the first in over two decades that she will feel like she failed at motherhood. Itís hard to tell if heís gone or not. The room in which he resided has been empty for months now, but the dust settles in places it never used to. The wall of cinematic literature becomes slowly depleted, as siblings enter and take that which they always wanted. The laughter stays much the same, just one less voice among many. One less place at the dinner table, though only once a year. It would be hard at first, to not mention the name, not ask where he was. Most days upon returning to my parentsí home it would feel like he was just at a friendís house, or out on the lash, not the furthest he could possibly be from us. Did we not love him enough? Jesus, was it our fault? Five of five feels wrong now, more like five of four. An impossible situation with impossible emotions. Not even two weeks left now, till that limbo begins, the transition between here and not here. He knew it was coming, with all the goodbyes said and tears left cascading down faces, if only we had listened, took the plea seriously; but we didnít, and now heís half here... half gone. We joked, oh yeah we joked; it was what we were good at. We never took anything in the correct manner in this family, not if the news was broken by number three. He always had that ďmiddle childĒ complex; never first, never last, in everyoneís eyes but his. Father may have thought differently, heíd never say though, dear God you canít say that out loud. Thatís how our family was, till the first was lost. Never say a word, not if it involved an emotion, not if there was a problem. We just werenít like that. We never will be, when finally Iím five of one, I still wonít say. When motherís day is mine to feel with the cruel sting of never being good enough; Iíll think of number three, and all he never did for us.
I once read about this family; The Endless. I guess between them all they were meant to represent to whole of us, humans, nature, I see myself in all of them, and I see all of them in my family.
Destiny, my father; always the firm hand, always right. You couldnít really argue with him. Not with that book of his in his hand. The ancient tome he carried with him day after day. I remember Destruction the least, number three of my generation. He left us long ago, we still see him from time to time I suppose but just like the comic books donít recite his name; neither do we. Desire, they always made me laugh, so metro-sexual, so perfect, so alluring, but unobtainable. Just like number four, everyone wanted a piece of him. I pray he never gave, for my sake more than his. Mother took the place of Despair, she was the bearer of bad news, she was the one that told us when life went wrong, and she was the one who brought pain into our home. She had better aspects of course, but for the sake of this, she was Despair, and Despair alone. Then of course there is Dream, dream the leader of the family, at least number one was the leader of us, everything our parents ever dreamed of, ever hoped for, embodied in one; Dream. Weíve all looked up to her, wished we could be her, I guess itís only right she plays this part. Delirium has forever been my favourite; speaking in rainbows and constantly making me laugh. Number two never quite caught hold of reality, it was what made her shine so much brighter than the rest of us; we stood in the shadows bathed in the low flicker of her colours. Then there would be me; Death, number five of five. That happy-go-lucky goth girl in the corner that isnít all that happy and just likes the fact that black goes with black.
So thereís my family and his, the endless, the eternity.

__________________
A Girl in Winter.
His lips parted, cracked and dry as he struggled to whisper: "My muse, you're here."
She simply smiled, "Yes, Drake, I am here."
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to kal For This Useful Post:
preciswriting (10-24-2013), snow_wolf97 (07-25-2014)
  #2  
Old 04-27-2006, 04:07 PM
Titania's Avatar
Titania (Offline)
Faerie Queen
Loyal Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Buenos Aires
Posts: 2,451
Thanks: 38
Thanks 38
Default

Nice idea to bring this over here, Kali... I miss it...

Pomp and Circumstance plays in the background of my mind, accompanying the sweet sounds of the same composer's Serenade fading behind the redundant march of spring. I know what you're thinking of – that same event that flickers about your mind – but beneath it something else. Something unspoken. We look at each other. The word 'valedictorian' hangs heavily in the air between your eyes and mine.

Some would call it folly, to be so concerned with grades and competitions with two years still remaining until we can break free from the prisons of high school. Some would call it arrogant to presume to know the outcome of this silent battle barely after it has begun. How often that description wraps itself around you. Arrogant. Always mocking, serious only on the gravest of occasions when that friendship or whatever it is we share sparks and strikes a strange camaraderie in my heart, you are nonetheless disparaged; so it is to be so intelligent at such a young age. Do they speak of me in the same loud tones, brashly insulting my confidence? I have never meant them any harm. My maturity is no fault of mine; that they take it as an insult, that it makes them recognize what could be seen as inferiority, is no fault of mine.

Again the word 'inferiority' is guilt on my lips. Smite me for my pride; I can do nothing else. Berate me for presuming to worry about a valedictory speech if you will. Little-disguised is the fact that I have no desire to speak, but competition is something ingrained into me. You feel it too, however much you may deny it, however much you may harass me for my eloquent explanations of why. You and I are the same...

This one was more reflective that my usual... a lot going on lately
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Titania For This Useful Post:
preciswriting (10-24-2013)
  #3  
Old 04-27-2006, 04:11 PM
kal's Avatar
kal (Offline)
Still Clicking!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Le Joli Rouge
Posts: 4,894
Thanks: 44
Thanks 33
Default

pride, a deadly sin but so eloquently put.. I really enjoyed that, soft yet powerful.
__________________
A Girl in Winter.
His lips parted, cracked and dry as he struggled to whisper: "My muse, you're here."
She simply smiled, "Yes, Drake, I am here."
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 04-28-2006, 11:28 PM
Titania's Avatar
Titania (Offline)
Faerie Queen
Loyal Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Buenos Aires
Posts: 2,451
Thanks: 38
Thanks 38
Default

In the distance a shadow imprints itself upon my memory. Dark, like the blackest of nights, but bright with the vibrancy of a captured angel, it plays about my mind. It mocks me, with its dualistic existence somewhere between good and evil, between those two polar opposites that are equally nonexistent. Yet as it proves their impossibility it shows their truth; right and wrong weigh heavily upon my thoughts.

A dash of salt, thrown over my shoulder and into the devil's eyes. Crystals clatter against sturdy wood. How much easier it is to deny temptation, to cast aside all half-dreamt wisps of sin and blind myself in the same breath to the sins of others. How much simpler it is to escape from guilt by allowing death and deception to run rampant around me without sparing a glance. Angels and devils on my shoulders, but both are scarred by salt's ruthless sting; both find themselves adrift in a sea empty of ethics, devoid of the morals that keep human society intact.

Such a place it is that houses the shadow of my mind. Deep in incautious ramblings about the trivialities of life true feelings, true opinions lurk. They have been burned into the wood, engraved upon the floor of a soul tormented by endless questions while the answers lie waiting just beneath. If only they looked down; but that is not their way, that is not the procedure by which things are done in this calculating machine of lies. That is not the answer they seek.

I'd encourage other people to try this... it's really a nice exercise, and it helps to force you to (figuratively) put pen to paper. It really doesn't matter what you write about; mine of late seem to be random and a bit philosophical, but it can be a story fragment, whatever.

the hardest part for me is the ending, I always run out of time... thanks for the compliment on the previous one Kali
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Titania For This Useful Post:
preciswriting (10-24-2013)
  #5  
Old 04-30-2006, 07:57 AM
kal's Avatar
kal (Offline)
Still Clicking!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Le Joli Rouge
Posts: 4,894
Thanks: 44
Thanks 33
Default

You've been watchig me for an hour now, I've been glancing at you. Howcan you be so selfish? Sitting there with your cafe grande while beneath my tangled, hasitly tied locks theres a novel searing my soul, yet here you are with your sexy little smile ruining it all as I waste my talent, draw lines with my heart strings about you and your coffee.

I bet you'll talk about me later to your friends, or at least you'll want to, tell them how eccentric I looked, but you'd do me in a heartbeat. Then you'll move on, tell them how you always wanted to be a writer but never had the courage. How you admire people like me and our reckless abandon. I know there's not many who'd admit this but I admire your paycheck, your steady life. Oh to know I'll eat tomorrow!

I love my life, truly I do! but to eat well, love with money as well as passion, treat her to the finer things, treat myself. My tattered clothes compliment my looks; the fact I seem to be dressed in the last clothes on earth, but thats all I have now. All that is lft of the little blonde girl so full of life and potential is rips and tears, folded pages of an ink stained book documenting someone else's life.

So smile for me once more, my story's all byt told, I'll pay for my coffee with only coins and leave the best tip I know how; my joy on a page, just for you.
__________________
A Girl in Winter.
His lips parted, cracked and dry as he struggled to whisper: "My muse, you're here."
She simply smiled, "Yes, Drake, I am here."
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 04-30-2006, 03:53 PM
Titania's Avatar
Titania (Offline)
Faerie Queen
Loyal Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Buenos Aires
Posts: 2,451
Thanks: 38
Thanks 38
Default

nice one Kali, 'there's a novel searing my soul'... I liked that... liked the whole thing. easy to relate to in a way. well done.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 04-30-2006, 03:57 PM
Dephere
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Start 7:48...<----that's for my sake....

The small child worked her fingers lovingly over the silver dollar, clasping it close to her chest and beaming in bliss. She had found the trinket on the ground, just beneath the chalky dirt where she had left it earlier. Unkempt hair reared in disarray. A brown chaos amidst a tumult of destitution. This poor girl was clothed in a thin layer of cloth, lined with sundry rips and holes.

As Merjaba slid the shiny metal into her pocket she stood, making to leave for home, but her path was blocked. Standing, just behind her, was another child: taller and more beautiful. Her blonde hair was brushed in a meticulous manner, smooth and soft to the touch. Blue eyes were filled with malice and Merjaba froze.

She made to run, but was summarily pushed to the ground by the slightly larger girl.

"Give me my luck charm, Merjy!" The voice cracked in fury, demanding that the scum in front of her procure the desired object.

"But it's mine, mother gave it to me." Merjaba's voice was a small glimmer in comparison to the blonde girl. She held her hand tightly over the coin, making sure it was still in her pocket, as if this girl in front of her had ways of stealing it without her knowledge.

"Now, Merjy!" The blonde girl rushed forward, pushing the girl to the ground and reaching into her pocket. The riches were hers. She ran away in a fit of giggles. Merjaba laid in the dirt, closing her eyes and spitting the sediment that had made its into her mouth. She didn't shed a tear, even though her mother's last gift had been stolen.


Yeah, this was just kind of random and it was fun...I'm cruel...

Last edited by Dephere; 04-30-2006 at 04:15 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 04-30-2006, 04:02 PM
kal's Avatar
kal (Offline)
Still Clicking!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Le Joli Rouge
Posts: 4,894
Thanks: 44
Thanks 33
Default

that was sweet, but if it was the mothers gift? why did she find it on the floor?? or did I miss something??

cheers for the read and apprecatation queenie.
__________________
A Girl in Winter.
His lips parted, cracked and dry as he struggled to whisper: "My muse, you're here."
She simply smiled, "Yes, Drake, I am here."
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 04-30-2006, 04:05 PM
Dephere
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Titania...I liked the writing of the first one, it's good, but so is all your writing. It was nice and even though the pride was showing through the truth also seemed to shine through.

The second one, however, took to me instantly. I liked it much more, simply because it was more abstract and much more deep. It was very nice.

Kal...I don't know if this was on purpose, but that ending was awesome. I liked the sense of closure and continuation. Nice execution of language throughout, but those last words worked for me.

lol, Kal, that's what happens when I write in ten minutes...*rushed to change it*...the whole her mother's gift didn't come to me until the end - I had to end it when I saw how much time I had left.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 04-30-2006, 04:07 PM
kal's Avatar
kal (Offline)
Still Clicking!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Le Joli Rouge
Posts: 4,894
Thanks: 44
Thanks 33
Default

cheers Dephy...
__________________
A Girl in Winter.
His lips parted, cracked and dry as he struggled to whisper: "My muse, you're here."
She simply smiled, "Yes, Drake, I am here."
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 04-30-2006, 04:10 PM
Titania's Avatar
Titania (Offline)
Faerie Queen
Loyal Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Buenos Aires
Posts: 2,451
Thanks: 38
Thanks 38
Default

I was wondering about that too deph... lol, thanks, glad you liked... the first one was based on an actual conversation with someone but I have no idea about the second.

I have to ask where you got that name in yours... as a whole nice if random
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Titania For This Useful Post:
preciswriting (10-24-2013)
  #12  
Old 04-30-2006, 04:13 PM
Dephere
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

The name was just random and I didn't even think about it, it just fell onto the page. But the whole tone of the thing was kind of influenced by Les Mis...as is much of what I write now....damn Victor Hugo.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 05-01-2006, 11:47 AM
kal's Avatar
kal (Offline)
Still Clicking!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Le Joli Rouge
Posts: 4,894
Thanks: 44
Thanks 33
Default

look after this for me april
__________________
A Girl in Winter.
His lips parted, cracked and dry as he struggled to whisper: "My muse, you're here."
She simply smiled, "Yes, Drake, I am here."
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 05-01-2006, 12:36 PM
Belle Ringer's Avatar
Belle Ringer (Offline)
china putts rock!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: all these places feel like home...
Posts: 1,551
Thanks: 0
Thanks 2
Send a message via AIM to Belle Ringer Send a message via MSN to Belle Ringer
Default

I smile because it my true and tried reaction. I laugh because itís happiness in a sound. I swing because it epitomizes my deepest desire: to fly. I cry because my emotions are on overload. I read because itís my escape. I write because Iím trying to be. I look at the ground because itís easier than letting you see the deep openness my eyes hold. I drive because itís my dream. I love because my heart wonít let me do anything else. I listen because itís an alternate form of staring. I talk because Iím pouring myself out. I sing because music is infused in me. I golf because Iím searching for perfection. I dream because I fear the plummeting of reality. I eat because emptiness scares me. I sleep because itís my plug in. I live because Iím trying to beat the quiet desperation. I live because deathís a peach, lifeís an apple, Iím partial to caramel on the side and Iíve got no napkin.



mmmm...i tried. but i really like this exercise.
__________________
the rain's the rain, some air'd be good for me...
-jack's mannequin, mfeo.

Last edited by Belle Ringer; 05-01-2006 at 12:42 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Belle Ringer For This Useful Post:
preciswriting (10-24-2013)
  #15  
Old 05-01-2006, 12:40 PM
kal's Avatar
kal (Offline)
Still Clicking!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Le Joli Rouge
Posts: 4,894
Thanks: 44
Thanks 33
Default

it's an excellent exercise, check back for feedback later and possibly a little ditty of my own..
__________________
A Girl in Winter.
His lips parted, cracked and dry as he struggled to whisper: "My muse, you're here."
She simply smiled, "Yes, Drake, I am here."
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 05-01-2006, 12:42 PM
Belle Ringer's Avatar
Belle Ringer (Offline)
china putts rock!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: all these places feel like home...
Posts: 1,551
Thanks: 0
Thanks 2
Send a message via AIM to Belle Ringer Send a message via MSN to Belle Ringer
Default

Titania....i like both yours a lot. i really just like your writing

Kali....every one that you posted got to me. i love them as well as your writing

Dephere...random but good i swear i've heard that name before. cruel...but fitting somehow.

anyways, gotta get to class but i'll see if i can possibly crank out something better!
__________________
the rain's the rain, some air'd be good for me...
-jack's mannequin, mfeo.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 05-01-2006, 12:43 PM
Belle Ringer's Avatar
Belle Ringer (Offline)
china putts rock!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: all these places feel like home...
Posts: 1,551
Thanks: 0
Thanks 2
Send a message via AIM to Belle Ringer Send a message via MSN to Belle Ringer
Default

will do kali

i'll most defintely be back later...i'm slightly addicted. haha hmm.
__________________
the rain's the rain, some air'd be good for me...
-jack's mannequin, mfeo.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Belle Ringer For This Useful Post:
preciswriting (10-24-2013)
  #18  
Old 05-01-2006, 12:43 PM
kal's Avatar
kal (Offline)
Still Clicking!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Le Joli Rouge
Posts: 4,894
Thanks: 44
Thanks 33
Default

i'm not as fancy a writer as dephy and titania, but thats my stle and hopefully it sets me apart.. I get rather odd when I write these, very attached when my stories are nothig of the sort/.
__________________
A Girl in Winter.
His lips parted, cracked and dry as he struggled to whisper: "My muse, you're here."
She simply smiled, "Yes, Drake, I am here."
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 05-01-2006, 06:06 PM
Jay's Avatar
Jay (Offline)
Grizzled Veteran
Loyal Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Louisiana USA
Posts: 4,233
Thanks: 2
Thanks 23
Default

Start: 8:57p.m.

She was the loveliest creature I had ever seen. Her height reached the heavens. The long black hair reached dwon towards the hells. I knew not how she did not walk on it. I loved her steel grey eyes, they pierced the soul, literally and figuratively. She could smash me in but one punch. Ten until two was our appointed time. Barbie would melt in her presence. Barbie felt like a homely girl, if the plastic doll could have feelings. She came to me to learn our ways. I pray our paths would never pass in her land. I would never want to be a missionary to her world. If I was called perhaps, but it would be the ultimate call. Missionary to her, on my soil yes, but in hers, I feared for my self. Those wings were so impressive. Why did He call me to these appointments? Was it possible to come back from the place of no return? Why did He make me a missionary to a fallen, a fallen that was worse than a devil? I just kept on staring at her, this demon standing in front me.

Stop: 9:06 p.m.


EDIT 2:06 p.m. change on her to at her
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Last edited by Jay; 05-02-2006 at 11:04 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 05-02-2006, 10:53 AM
Belle Ringer's Avatar
Belle Ringer (Offline)
china putts rock!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: all these places feel like home...
Posts: 1,551
Thanks: 0
Thanks 2
Send a message via AIM to Belle Ringer Send a message via MSN to Belle Ringer
Default

Mmmmm. Very nice. Very very nice.
Just one thing, in the last sentence did you mean to say "staring at her" instead of "staring on her"?
Otherwise, perfection. I like it a whole lot
nice work
__________________
the rain's the rain, some air'd be good for me...
-jack's mannequin, mfeo.
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 05-02-2006, 11:05 AM
Jay's Avatar
Jay (Offline)
Grizzled Veteran
Loyal Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Louisiana USA
Posts: 4,233
Thanks: 2
Thanks 23
Default

Thanks Belle Ringer. In an actual contest, the typo would have to stand.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 05-02-2006, 03:44 PM
Dephere
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Belle Ringer - I liked how you let us get a glimspe of who you are and why you do things, it makes us feel closer to you, but the I _____ got a bit repetitive. It was good considering the format you stuck with.

Jharrison - This isn't a contest, so I think you're good. lol. That was very interesting. I was bit confused at the beginning, but you seemed to bring it together. the beginning was a bit muddled, but the rest was great.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 05-02-2006, 04:09 PM
Jay's Avatar
Jay (Offline)
Grizzled Veteran
Loyal Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Louisiana USA
Posts: 4,233
Thanks: 2
Thanks 23
Default

Thanks Dephere, Sometimes I need translation when talking, so I guess it the same with my writing style. Some of my older works were a little on the odd side.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Jay For This Useful Post:
preciswriting (10-24-2013)
  #24  
Old 05-02-2006, 04:11 PM
Belle Ringer's Avatar
Belle Ringer (Offline)
china putts rock!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: all these places feel like home...
Posts: 1,551
Thanks: 0
Thanks 2
Send a message via AIM to Belle Ringer Send a message via MSN to Belle Ringer
Default

Thanks Dephere!
I thought about that after I posted it. I don't usually write that way but it was just a feeling I had...
anyways, thanks
__________________
the rain's the rain, some air'd be good for me...
-jack's mannequin, mfeo.
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 05-02-2006, 04:45 PM
Dephere
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

No problem, guys....This took me sixteen minutes, but I wanted to post it.

Reeds swayed peacefully in the setting sun, reaching upwards in their attempts at growth and yet remaining seemingly docile to the naked eye. It was these that lined the muddy banks of the placid pond of my youth, decorating the rim of water that hosted such exuberant times as that weekend at the shore. The soft breeze that stirred the reeds pushed the surface of the water where it willed, making for a vision of rolling quicksilver that will never be forgotten.

Slowly trudging along I came to the muddied banks. My feet, sore and calloused, enjoyed the soft respite from the dry dirt road, which had carried me from my uncle’s country cabin to this oasis of complacency. I sidled up to the murky blue water that lapped at the base of the reeds, taking away with it some small amount of sediment that had not found a stable resting place. Sitting, I uprooted a reed and placed it in my mouth, chewing on the stalk of the plant as I might have accused a simpleton of doing, a country bumpkin if you will. But my worries had floated away with that unreliable sediment, into the depths of obscurity where I let them be, waiting for me to pluck them from isolation.

“Tyler!” The screeching voice left me in a stupor. Those screams were mingled with anguish and helplessness, calling out to me like I was their savior and perhaps I was. I recognized that innocent call for help as the voice of my niece, her eight years of life making that heartrending sound which is beyond my realm of words. I let the brown reed stalk fall from my mouth as I rushed further up the bank, where the resounding screams wrenched the air. There, not but twenty feet from the bank was my niece, her blond hair clinging fervently to her head as her face looked towards the heavens. She spewed water from her mouth and continued to scream for help, while at the same time she choked, coughing each time her head made it back above the surface.

“Hold on, Kyla, I’m coming.” I went head first into the water, passing through it as I never had before. The shallow shore waters gave way to the depths of the small lake as I puddled with a desperate voracity. I couldn’t let her life fade in front of my eyes. What ensued after that is beyond me. All I remember is swimming out in a fit of panic and the rest is lost to the hazy fit of my adrenaline.

But, suffice it to say, Kyla laid on the shore, her hair clinging just as fervently to her head as a result of the water. She looked up with a dazed expression, simply laying back and clasping onto her precarious life.

Kyla lived, as I had hoped, and survived for the duration of the weekend, but her fear confined her to the banks of the water, even on the hottest of days.

It was the last night of my stay that she thanked me. I was just outside on the porch, in awe of the freckled stars and the howling coyotes in the distance. It wasn’t often that I experiences these country luxuries. As I sat there I heard the front door open.

“Tyler,” Her voice was coy, such a disparagement from her cries of death but days before, “I want to say—”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not like I had a choice anyway.” I smiled at her and she did the same, laughing her way back into comfort.

"Thanks.” She said.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 05-02-2006, 04:49 PM
Titania's Avatar
Titania (Offline)
Faerie Queen
Loyal Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Buenos Aires
Posts: 2,451
Thanks: 38
Thanks 38
Default

Belle Ringer & JHarrison - both very nice, and I'm glad to see other people getting involved Not much to say that hasn't already been said... Belle I liked the bit about the caramel.

Dephere, the ending wasn't what I would have expected, knowing you, and it didn't seem like a resolution to me either, but then I have trouble with that on these things so can't complain. Honestly it feels like it should be a fragment of something larger. But nice work overall, of course.
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 05-02-2006, 04:52 PM
Dephere
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Well, I started it and then when I saw that I was 6 minutes over I stopped. I should have just killed her off, like I usually do with my characters. lol. I couldn't think of a better way to end it....I'm horrible with endings, at least when it comes to time constraints.

I submitted an LM at WF and my ending is abysmal.

Thanks Tit!
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 05-02-2006, 08:51 PM
Titania's Avatar
Titania (Offline)
Faerie Queen
Loyal Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Buenos Aires
Posts: 2,451
Thanks: 38
Thanks 38
Default

Start 8:40 pm

She sits on the edge. Not a cliff, although her heart has taken a leap of faith. The grass is green below her, coarse against her bare legs; her black skirt spills across the hill like ink, dark even on this darkest of nights. A simple shirt and hat, brim set at a jaunty angle, complete the image. Her eyes are scarcely visible, shadows beneath the moonlight.

He speaks suddenly. "I wonder when they're going to start." His voice is awkward, uncertain, breaking the web of ethereal beauty she has woven around herself, but she smiles, and she turns her head up just slightly, so that he can see those eyes sharing happiness.

She shifts; he's abruptly aware of how close she is. How close, how dark. The night air is chilled, but nothing compared to her snow white skin. He turns away, to look out across the tranquil water, to look anywhere but at her and the enigma she represents.

Noise wreaks the air and she jumps slightly, and without knowing how or why they find themselves holding hands. She laughs softly, her words a gentle caress. "I'm not used to fireworks."

He stares at her, at the contradiction she embodies. "Look at the reflections," he says, pointing out across the water, watching her in awe as she turns with all the eagerness of a young child to gaze at the bright lights, mirrored below in the ever-peaceful river.

Tempestuous and calm, dark and peaceful. He falls silent, content to simply observe, content to hold her small, delicate hand.

End - 8:50

I hate trying to end these things! I didn't really like how that one turned out

Last edited by Titania; 05-03-2006 at 05:00 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 05-03-2006, 03:01 PM
Jay's Avatar
Jay (Offline)
Grizzled Veteran
Loyal Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Louisiana USA
Posts: 4,233
Thanks: 2
Thanks 23
Default

Titania, I wanted to see more, just as you did, but is a fine work just as it stands. Maybe is none of our business what happens next. Maybe everything that needed to be told, has been.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 05-03-2006, 04:13 PM
kal's Avatar
kal (Offline)
Still Clicking!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Le Joli Rouge
Posts: 4,894
Thanks: 44
Thanks 33
Default

I didnít go. Today of all days, I did not go to see you. I could have gone, it would have been so easy, but I didnít go.

I sat and I drank beer with new friends while the old rotted away in my mind. I didnít go to you when you called out for me, I didnít go today. She remembered, oh yes, she always remembers; but I forgot. The memory of you scorches me, chars my fingers and turns my finger nails black, but still I reach for you. To remember the ďgood old daysĒ, when we were young, happy and had nothing in our way. Nothing could have conquered you, she or I back then, not even death.

I walk the same streets, visit the same places, light candles in the same places, yet I do not see you anymore. A mutual friend stole you away from me. Strange, how that friend and I got closer, I still donít see you. I missed you terribly though. I wrote poems late a night about seeing you again; dark, gothic, all that I am no longer. I donít write those sonnets anymore. I grew up and over them, but not you.

I edited in my ten minutes too...
__________________
A Girl in Winter.
His lips parted, cracked and dry as he struggled to whisper: "My muse, you're here."
She simply smiled, "Yes, Drake, I am here."
Reply With Quote
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Free Writing


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Absinthe: New European Writing Jay Writing Markets 2 10-01-2009 07:04 AM
Quick Writing ronoxQ Tips & Advice 2 07-26-2006 09:41 AM
Literary Mama Jay Writing Markets 0 06-10-2006 05:24 PM
Dreamquestone.com Poetry and Writing Contest Jay Writing Markets 0 05-06-2006 05:37 PM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 05:23 AM.

vBulletin, Copyright © 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.