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Minimum Wage Warrior

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  #1  
Old 07-07-2011, 03:01 PM
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Default Minimum Wage Warrior


Naughty words and such- sensitive types turn back here


He must have heard me coming. Goddamn, fucking autumn crispy leaves on sidewalk noise. SHIT!

Turned the building corner into a creep with a Glock (I guess) held right handed at belly height. He had his elbow at ninety degrees next to his hip, forearm level, barrel stickin' out like a priest dick at a boy scout jamboree.

Amateur. O.K.

Only one move that I know of for this set up. Step to him with left foot, get torso into a forty five degree angle. Use left hand to clamp the gun hand flat on my left kidney.

Alright, so here comes his left fist to temple smack me. But he only gets a bit of ear edge 'cause I was dustin' off his eyebrows with Ki Kaku Ken to tighten him up while pullin' a .22 cal. derringer from right rear pocket.

O.K. Only gonna get the one shot. Bring the right forearm up behind my head, use the elbow to foul a few of these left hand hits that are raining on my parade. Get my knuckles against the left ear- this is gonna be loud ( but them rounds goin' off from the Glock puttin' holes in my jacket and shirt while lookin' for my spine are loud too so WTF ).

Now cock my nose to the right of his, lightly clamp his lower lip betwixt my teeth ( don't want no unknown HIV blood in my mouth ). He sees the over and under black holes in the blue steel. Good. His eyes go wide. Excellent!

Ka-Bang.

Sag tells me the bullet entered clean. Did it ricochet or exit? Ahhh, who gives a fuck. Drop the meat sack. Check for his back up.

Nuthin'. Workin' solo. Amateur, amateur, amateur.

Spit into the gutter ( earn your pay, CSI ).

Now back on my way to work. Better hurry. We're doin' inventory today. Boss said if I was late he would kill me. Can't let that happen.

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Old 07-07-2011, 03:53 PM
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"Turned the building corner into a creep with a Glock"

This may just be me - but had to read this several times. Sounded like it was the building corner that was turning into something.

Thinking, maybe: "Turned the building corner and went headlong into a creep with a Glock", or "Turned the building corner straight into a creep with a Glock".

Priest dick - priest's dick?

Stumbled on the temple smack. A hyphen would alert my brain to string the two words together - temple-smack.

Is derringer the name of a gun? Should it have a capital? (I would google, but when the police confiscate my computer again, it won't look good on the search history.)

Loved the last line.
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Old 07-07-2011, 04:42 PM
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Hi, Grace.
The piece is in coarse form. Needed to get it off paper and start wackin' it into shape.

Derringer- did you ever see a Western (Cowboy movie) where a gambler pulls a little gun from his vest pocket ( usually to resolve a card game question )?
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Old 07-07-2011, 04:45 PM
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Ah. So that's a Derringer.
Never really caught up after the Blunderbuss Nick, so you're educating me.
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Old 07-07-2011, 04:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
Blunderbuss
Funny.

They, derringers not blunderbusses, are sometimes referred to as a "Gambler's Bible".
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Last edited by Nick Pierce; 07-07-2011 at 04:53 PM..
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  #6  
Old 07-07-2011, 06:13 PM
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The blunderbuss comment was serious (well, almost)
The police taking my computer was the joke.
AK47 and a Colt. Full extent of my gun vocabulary. 'Til now.
That's why I don't write crime.
Can't get a silencer for a Blunderbuss.
It's a bitch to conceal in a handbag.
(I'll shut up now, and go to bed.)
'Night'.
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Last edited by Grace Gabriel; 07-08-2011 at 02:04 PM..
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  #7  
Old 07-07-2011, 11:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Nick Pierce View Post
Naughty words and such- sensitive types turn back here


He must have heard me coming. Goddamn, fucking autumn crispy leaves on sidewalk noise. SHIT!

Turned the building corner into a creep with a Glock (I guess) held right handed at belly height. He had his elbow at ninety degrees next to his hip, forearm level, barrel stickin' out like a honeymoon handle in the bridal suite on wedding night.

Amateur. O.K.

Only one move that I know of for this set up. Step to him with left foot, get torso into a forty five degree angle. Use left hand to clamp the gun hand flat on my left kidney.

Alright, so here comes his left fist to temple smack me. But he only gets a bit of ear edge 'cause I was dustin' off his eyebrows with Ki Kaku Ken to tighten him up while pullin' a .22 cal. derringer from right rear pocket.

O.K. Only gonna get the one shot. Bring the right forearm up behind my head, use the elbow to foul a few of these left hand hits that are raining on my parade. Get my knuckles against the left ear- this is gonna be loud ( but them rounds goin' off from the Glock puttin' holes in my jacket and shirt while lookin' for my spine are loud too so WTF ).

Now cock my nose to the right of his, lightly clamp his lower lip betwixt my teeth ( don't want no unknown HIV blood in my mouth ). He sees the over and under black holes in the blue steel. Good. His eyes go wide. Excellent!

Ka-Bang.

Sag tells me the bullet entered clean. Did it ricochet or exit? Ahhh, who gives a fuck. Drop the meat sack. Check for his back up.

Nuthin'. Workin' solo. Amateur, amateur, amateur.

Spit into the gutter ( earn your pay, CSI ).

Now back on my way to work. Better hurry. We're doin' inventory today. Boss said if I was late he would kill me. Can't let that happen.
Slightly evolved version.
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Last edited by Nick Pierce; 07-07-2011 at 11:55 PM.. Reason: Givin' the clergy a break
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Old 07-08-2011, 12:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Nick Pierce View Post
Naughty words and such- sensitive types turn back here


He must have heard me coming. Crispy crunching autumn leaves on sidewalk noise. DANG!

Turned the building corner into a creep with gun held right handed at belly height. He had his elbow at ninety degrees next to his hip, forearm level, barrel stickin' out like a honeymoon handle in the bridal suite on wedding night .

Amateur.

Only one move that I know of for this set up. Step to him with left foot, get torso into a forty five degree angle. Use left hand to clamp the gun hand flat on my left kidney.

Alright, so here comes his left fist to temple smack me. But he only gets a bit of ear edge 'cause I was dustin' off his eyebrows with Ki Kaku Ken to tighten him up while pullin' a derringer from right rear pocket.

O.K. Only gonna get the one shot. Bring the right forearm up behind my head, use the elbow to foul a few of these left hand hits that are raining on my parade. Get my knuckles against the left ear- this is gonna be loud ( but them rounds goin' off from the Glock puttin' holes in my jacket and shirt while lookin' for my spine are loud too so WTF ).

Lean my nose to the right of his, lightly clamp his lower lip betwixt my teeth ( don't want no unknown HIV blood in my mouth ). He sees the over and under black holes in the blue steel. Good. His eyes go wide. Excellent!

Ka-Bang.

Sag tells me the bullet entered clean. Did it ricochet or exit? Ahhh, who cares. Drop the meat sack. Check for his back up.

Nuthin'. Workin' solo. Amateur, amateur, amateur.

Spit into the gutter ( earn your pay, CSI ).

Now back on my way to work. Better hurry. We're doin' inventory today. Boss said if I was late he would kill me. Can't let that happen.
More changes.
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Last edited by Nick Pierce; 07-08-2011 at 02:04 AM.. Reason: Cleanin' up the language
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Old 07-08-2011, 02:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post

Stumbled on the temple smack. A hyphen would alert my brain to string the two words together - temple-smack.
Givin' this some thought.

Y'all use Ki Kaku Ken over there so often it don't need no explainin'?
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Old 07-08-2011, 02:34 AM
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Slightly more clued up with Japanese martial arts than guns!
Like your revisions. Tight, edgey piece. Good stuff.
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Old 07-08-2011, 03:03 AM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
Slightly more clued up with Japanese martial arts than guns!
How interesting.

If you google "naturalmotionsystems" and look at the youtube clips your range of hand/body skills info may increase.
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  #12  
Old 07-08-2011, 06:43 AM
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Just wanted to add my two bob's worth.

I liked the first version, funnily enough. It was difficult to follow but I preferred the long confusion of the sentences and trying to find my own way through to the meaning and flow of events. The latest version seems to start too clean and correct, if that makes any sense?

So, maybe keep the long rambling structure of the first version while cleaning up the flow of events?

P.S. I learned what those little guns are today. Derringer. How do you pronounce that? like singer or like orange/r?
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Last edited by CandraH; 07-08-2011 at 06:45 AM..
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Old 07-08-2011, 07:43 AM
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Originally Posted by CandraH View Post
I learned what those little guns are today. Derringer. How do you pronounce that? like singer or like orange/r?
rickderringerhangonsloopyscituate

If you google that you can hear a guy pronounce it correctly.
Gotta wait 'till Rick finishes the song. Learn a little Yank music history and see one of the 60s survivors (ain't many of us left) in action.


Thanks for reading the story versions and commenting, Candra.
Truth be told, I like rippin' them out coarse and movin' on so I get your sentiment.
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Old 07-08-2011, 10:29 AM
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aa
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Old 07-08-2011, 02:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Juilingstar177 View Post
aa
New to reading my stripe of trash, eh?
No worries, mate. Your consonants will return by and by.
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Old 07-08-2011, 04:46 PM
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Wow. That was great. I specially loved Grace's and your conversation about the gun things. I know nothing about complicated guy mechanism things. I thought I wasn't allowed to have some vulgar language in my writing so I try to keep it clean, but now I know better. Thanks.
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Old 07-09-2011, 05:42 AM
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Briluvely, you can have whatever language you want in your writing.

Nick, I hear you re getting stuff down rough first and getting on with the editing later. And I ended up googling derrin(j)er because my browser took too long to load the youtube video. Maybe I'll check out that Rick song another time.
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Old 03-17-2017, 04:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Nick Pierce View Post
Naughty words and such- sensitive types turn back here


He must have heard me coming. Goddamn, fucking autumn crispy leaves on sidewalk noise. SHIT!

Turned the building corner into a creep with a Glock (I guess) held right handed at belly height. He had his elbow at ninety degrees next to his hip, forearm level, barrel stickin' out like a priest dick at a boy scout jamboree.

Amateur. O.K.

Only one move that I know of for this set up. Step to him with left foot, get torso into a forty five degree angle. Use left hand to clamp the gun hand flat on my left kidney.

Alright, so here comes his left fist to temple smack me. But he only gets a bit of ear edge 'cause I was dustin' off his eyebrows with Ki Kaku Ken to tighten him up while pullin' a .22 cal. derringer from right rear pocket.

O.K. Only gonna get the one shot. Bring the right forearm up behind my head, use the elbow to foul a few of these left hand hits that are raining on my parade. Get my knuckles against the left ear- this is gonna be loud ( but them rounds goin' off from the Glock puttin' holes in my jacket and shirt while lookin' for my spine are loud too so WTF ).

Now cock my nose to the right of his, lightly clamp his lower lip betwixt my teeth ( don't want no unknown HIV blood in my mouth ). He sees the over and under black holes in the blue steel. Good. His eyes go wide. Excellent!

Ka-Bang.

Sag tells me the bullet entered clean. Did it ricochet or exit? Ahhh, who gives a fuck. Drop the meat sack. Check for his back up.

Nuthin'. Workin' solo. Amateur, amateur, amateur.

Spit into the gutter ( earn your pay, CSI ).

Now back on my way to work. Better hurry. We're doin' inventory today. Boss said if I was late he would kill me. Can't let that happen.



Yo, Piercy, check it out.


Yes, Nick, I recall this one.
But why bring it up now?


Well you see the bit about the sag?

Yes.


Last week I met a guy who was attacked and got off one .45 round while the drug crazed assailant was on top of him tryin' to claw his eyes out.


Yes, Nick?


Well, old P., when I wrote this I was usin' theory but after some careful questioning I learned that is exactly what happened in this actual event.

And man, Pierce, this guy had pics of his eye damage, healed now but quite gruesome to look at at the time.


Goodness, Nick.
And what of the ... er, criminal?

Oh he survived. Took eleven operations paid for by taxpayers but he was able to be given a court date.

And?


And the prosecutor's office called up the victim just before he was due to go in and testify and told him to forget it.


What?
Why?


Bad guy offed himself.


Nick, that's just awful.


Yeah. Justice thwarted.
But my point is that the piece is validated on that particular er ... point.



Oh.
Yes, Nick.
I see.
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Old 03-18-2017, 05:38 PM
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It's sad nobody is posting fiction samples anymore.
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Old 03-18-2017, 05:59 PM
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Originally Posted by moonpunter View Post
It's sad nobody is posting fiction samples anymore.


Can you see the members only section for fiction? There is some in there.
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Old 03-18-2017, 06:13 PM
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Can you see the members only section for fiction?
Sorry I just thought that was full of dick pics. :-P
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Old 03-18-2017, 06:41 PM
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Ha ha... naw, it's just a place you can post more serious stuff without accidentally giving up first rights.
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Old 03-18-2017, 06:48 PM
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Originally Posted by moonpunter View Post
It's sad nobody is posting fiction samples anymore.

"Lead from the front"
Chesty Puller
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