WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Fiction

Fiction Novel excerpts, short stories, etc.


Z-Day: The Zombie Epidemic

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 04-09-2006, 02:05 PM
Vesper (Offline)
Pencil pusher
Official Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: La
Posts: 19
Thanks: 0
Thanks 0
Send a message via AIM to Vesper Send a message via Yahoo to Vesper
Z-Day: The Zombie Epidemic


Z-day by Chad Smithart.

"You're bleeding." He told him. His best friend for years was now laying down on the floor gushing blood from several wounds. Jake Callahan had been bitten several times. Deep bites too. It was likely he wouldn't make it.

"I don't feel a thing Rain." Jake coughed, spitting blood up as he did so. Rain whipped out some spare bandages he had been carrying around in his bag and began wrapping up the wounds. "So what's the bad news?"

Rain sighed and finished off the last bandage and sat beside his friend. "How you feel like watching the sunset Jake?" The bleeding man begun to laugh. "Haha! Rain, always thinking of yourself eh? It's only noon-ish isn't it?"

"It's a quarter after. And I don't much feel like putting a bullet in my best friend."

There was a moment of silence. Rain stared ahead into the sky, thinking how he was going to have to do this. Jake looked at him, he was smiling even though he was in pain. "You're a good friend Gabriel Deloan."

"I haven't been called Roland in years... I go by Rain now. And you know I hate being called that." Rain told him. He turned to see the evil smile on his friends face. "Your still a bastard." Rain laughed.

"Why stop now?" Jake asked him. "Come on, let's go see what's happening on the roof. Might have to give me a hand, one of them got me in the leg." Rain stood up and helped his friend. Together they climbed the stairs to the roof of the shop. It was a one-story building. It used to be an old shoe repair shop, now it's been looted dry. Next to it was a few smaller buildings. A radio shack, a subway, and a clothing store.

Jake limped over to the edge of the building and looked down. They were everywhere. The entire town covered in them. They were the undead. Jake and Rain were trying to get across town into a warehouse on the other side whenever one of the zombies caught them by surprise.

---

Jake had gotten bitten in the shoulder. He screamed, blowing their silent cover. Rain had jumped in and pulled his gun out. He fired off one shot and blew off a good sized portion of the attackers head. Until then the streets were somewhat empty. Now they begin to come out. Slowly at first. Crawling out of parked or wrecked cars, buildings, bushes. They seemed to be everywhere then.

"Damn! Best to find a place to hold down for awhile." Rain announced. But Jake had already pulled his gun and was firing. One shot. Miss. Another shot. In the head. Third shot. Another head shot.

"Go, I'll handle them." Jake had said.

"I'll find a place, then come back for you." Rain told him before dashing off to the nearest building. It was a pawn shop, looted dry. A big hole was in the glass window. It wouldn't be any good for them to hide in there. He rushed over to the next building. An Insurance Agency. The door had been ripped off and there were sounds of a zombie stumbling around in the back. He decided for the next building. A shoe repair shop.

Jake kept on firing until his pistol ran out of ammo. He pulled the clip free and stuffed it into his pocket, then quickly reloaded another. He pulled his gun up to aim at another but one had crept his way around. The zombie bit him in the leg. Jake screamed in pain and quickly shot him. He kicked the dead guy away from him and stumbled a few feet and almost lost his balance. Another zombie was on him, biting him on the other shoulder. Then another biting his arm.

But then the bullets began to fly by. Two shots fired. Two headshots successful. Jake turned to see Rain standing before an open doorway. "Let's go!" He was yelling. Jake smiled, fired off another shot at a nearby zombie and hobbled over to his friend. Rain covered him, shooting any zombie that got too close. Rain was using a Colt Magnum 6-shot. His personal choice. Jake had a police issued Berretta. He had stolen it off some zombie cop by using his karate techniques. A few kicks with a few punches and then a twist of the neck.

Rain was reloaded the gun whenever Jake finally neared the door. He popped the cylinder closed and fired off a shot at the nearest zombie. It fell and Rain lunged forward and grabbed his bleeding friend. He threw him through the doorway, fired off two more shots, and then jumped inside and bolted the door.

And now here they were. Jake was about to die and Rain would be alone. He had no idea if anyone else in this town was able to make it. He had warned them though. But they didn't listen. Now his town was overrun with the undead. And he was soon to be the last human survivor.

---

Jake was looking over the edge. The crowd had grown. "So what's your plan Gabe?" Jake asked him with a grin. Rain ignored the name again.

"I don't know yet."

"I could run out into the crowd and maybe get them to follow me?"

"You can barely walk, and besides do you really want to be eaten?"

"I don't mind."

"Yes you do, stop lying." Rain scolded him.

"Okay I do mind. I don't really want to be eaten...but we both know I'm not going to make it." Jake sighed. Rain walked over to him and patted him softly on the back. "But if it helps, you know I'll come right back to life..."

Jake laughed but his smile faded fast He had a point. But he really didn't want to be a zombie. As is he could feel his heart beat slowing down. It wouldn't be much longer. "Put a bullet in me when I turn..."

There was a moment of silence. "You sure?" Rain asked him.

"Do it or I'll eat you." Jake told him with a grin. Rain didn't return the smile but only nodded his head. Jake sighed and looked down. The zombies were clawing at the door. "You better get a move on. They'll be in soon."

"What about you?"

"I don't feel like I'm going to last much longer."

"I'll lock the roofs door just in case...then I suppose I'll play superman and start jumping between buildings..." Rain told him, examining the buildings. The shoe shop was only five feet between the rest of them, which were connected. "Hang in there as long as you can man..."

There was no answer.

"Jake?"

Rain turned around. Jake was laying down on the ground, his eyes closed. His gun and ammunition by his side. Rain pulled his gun from his holster and wiped the tears from his eyes, removing the sunglasses to do so. "You were a good man Jake. I dedicate this bullet to you, friend..."

Jake groaned. "Your going to shoot me already...Jesus what a friend."

"Your alive? Shit dude, I thought you passed away on me!"

"Haha, almost though. Take my guns, might come in handy..." Jake coughed, spitting blood onto the roof. "See you in the afterlife man, good luck."

Rain gathered up the guns and ammo and set them in his bag. "Might see you soon, who knows..." Rain told him, holding back his tears.

"Stop your crying and go..."

Rain nodded, and wiped his eyes once again and put the shades back on. He ran over to the edge and leaped over the building. His feet landing on the edges. He turned to get one last look at his friend. Jake lay on the rooftop, his body stiff. This time he was gone. Rain pulled himself together and made his way across the building complex.

Rain casually walked across the rooftops with his head hung low. He wanted to scream, he just lost his best friend, the one who he knew all his life. "Fucking zombies..." He muttered to himself.

There was a sound behind him as he muttered this. A groaning sound. Rain pulled his gun out and readied his finger on the trigger. He turned around to see Jake looking around. But Jake was already dead...and this is what was left. His eyes showed no signs of the previous owner. It saw him and stood up quickly. Rain aimed the gun for Jakes head and was about to fire when the zombie broke into a run.

The Jake Zombie hit the edge of the ledge where it tripped and fell. He smashed his head open on the other building next to it. Rain saw the blood splatter onto the roof and watched as he fell. Rain sighed and put the gun back into its holster and turned around.

As he suspected, the zombies were forming a group around the shoe shop. They didn't seem to notice him on top of the roof though. Rain waited until a zombie shambled past the wall and jumped down. The coast was clear. Rain scanned the area for something to use as a melee weapon as to not draw attention. He spotted a rusty pipe on the ground. He smiled and picked it up.

He gripped the pipe in hand and twirled around the building. A female zombie was slowly making its way towards the shoe shop. Rain raised the pipe and smashed it over the zombies head. It made a sickening crack as it sunk into the skull. He pulled it out and quickly darted off in the direction he was heading.

-
What you think so far? Theres a good 46 pages so far.

Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 04-15-2006, 01:26 PM
kal's Avatar
kal (Offline)
Still Clicking!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Le Joli Rouge
Posts: 4,894
Thanks: 44
Thanks 33
Default

it's a terrible way to critique I know but I hate quoting all the time.. sorry.. my suggestions are in bold.

Originally Posted by Vesper
Z-day by Chad Smithart.

"You're bleeding." He told him. His best friend for years, was now laying down on the floor blood gushing from several wounds. Jake Callahan had been bitten several times, deep bites too.(i don't like the deepbites too bit, it seems childish) It was unlikely he would make it.

"I don't feel a thing Rain." Jake coughed, spitting blood up as he did so. Rain whipped (I don't like this verb, maybe something less descriptive, taken, or taken out slowly)out some spare bandages he had been carrying around in his bag and began wrapping up the wounds. "So what's the bad news?"

Rain sighed and finished off the last bandage and sat beside his friend. "How you feel like watching the sunset Jake?" (I know it's collquial language but theres something wrong with that sentence. do you, or how do you..)The bleeding man had begun to laugh. "Haha! Rain, always thinking of yourself eh? It's only noon-ish isn't it?"

"It's a quarter after. And I don't much feel like putting a bullet in my best friend."

There was a moment of silence. Rain stared ahead into the sky, thinking about? how he was going to have to do this. Jake looked at him, he was smiling even though he was in pain. "You're a good friend Gabriel Deloan."

"I haven't been called Roland (who is roland?? you just called him gabriel)in years... I go by Rain now. And you know I hate being called that." Rain told him. He turned to see the evil(eil doesn't seem right here, mocking?) smile on his friends face. "Your still a bastard." Rain laughed.

"Why stop now?" Jake asked him. "Come on, let's go see what's happening on the roof. Might have to give me a hand, one of them got me in the leg."(Nice touch) Rain stood up and helped his friend. Together they climbed the stairs to the roof of the shop. It was a one-story building. It used to be an old shoe repair shop, now it's been looted dry. Next to it was a few smaller buildings. A radio shack, a subway(is this subway the sandwhich shop or a subway station? a little clarification needed maybe?), and a clothing store.

Jake limped over to the edge of the building and looked down. They were everywhere. The entire town was covered in them. They were the undead.(show don't tell or maybe say earlier.. "the undead were everywhere" Jake and Rain were trying to get across town into a warehouse on the other side whenever one of the zombies caught them by surprise.(i feel you could have done more than let it slip that way)

---

Jake had gotten(is gotten a word?) bitten in the shoulder. He screamed, blowing their silent cover. Rain had jumped in and pulled his gun out. He fired off one shot and blew off a good sized portion of the attackers head. Until then the streets were somewhat empty. Now they begin to come out. Slowly at first. Crawling out of parked or wrecked cars, buildings, bushes. They seemed to be everywhere. (you've begun to switch tenses)

"Damn! Best to find a place to hold down for awhile." Rain announced. But Jake had already pulled his gun and was firing. One shot. Miss. Another shot. In the head. Third shot. Another head shot. shot shot shot, the repatition doesn't make for flowing reading.

"Go, I'll handle them." Jake had said.

"I'll find a place, then come back for you." Rain told him before dashing off to the nearest building. It was a pawn shop, looted dryyou've already used this phrase.... A big hole was in the glass window(maybe try changing this sentence from passive to active). It wouldn't be any good for them to hide in there. He rushed over to the next building. An Insurance Agency. The door had been ripped off and there were sounds of a zombie stumbling around in the back. He decided for the next building; a shoe repair shop.

Jake kept on firing until his pistol ran out of ammunition. He pulled the clip free and stuffed it into his pocket, then quickly reloaded another. He pulled his gun up to aim at another but one had crept his way around(you can mention the fact that they're zombies now..just read that you did... ). The zombie bit him in the leg. Jake screamed in pain and quickly shot him. He kicked the dead guy away from him and stumbled a few feet and almost lost his balance. Another zombie was on him, biting him on the other shoulder. Then another biting his arm. ( feel your missing descriptive opputunities, it may just be your style..

But then the bullets began to fly by. Two shots fired. Two headshots successful. (a lot of your setences aren't full sentences..and you're repeating shot again.Jake turned to see Rain standing before an open doorway. "Let's go!" He was yelling. Jake smiled, fired off another shot at a nearby zombie and hobbled over to his friend. Rain covered him, shooting any zombie (now you're repeating zombie, I'm sorry i'm a stickler for repatition when it's not needed)that got too close. Rain was using a Colt Magnum 6-shot. His personal choice. Jake had a police issued Berretta. He had stolen it off a zombie cop by using his karate techniques.(elaborate on these if you can, where he learnt them not what he did.) A few kicks with a few punches and then a twist of the neck.

Rain was reloaded the gun whenever Jake finally neared the door.(that sentence confused me.) He popped the cylinder closed and fired off a shot at the nearest zombie. It fell and Rain lunged forward and grabbed his bleeding friend. He threw him through the doorway, fired off two more shots, and then jumped inside and bolted the door.

And now here they were.nice transition Jake was about to die and Rain would be alone. He had no idea if anyone else in this town was able to make it. He had warned them though, but they hadn't listened. Now his town was overrun with the undead and he was soon to be the last human survivor.

---

Jake was looking over the edge. The crowd had grown. "So what's your plan Gabe?" Jake asked him with a grin. Rain ignored the name again.

"I don't know yet."

"I could run out into the crowd and maybe get them to follow me?"

"You can barely walk, and besides do you really want to be eaten?"

"I don't mind."(add some movementhere? I can imagine him shrugging)

"Yes you do, stop lying." Rain scolded him.

"Okay I do mind. I don't really want to be eaten...but we both know I'm not going to make it." Jake sighed. Rain walked over to him and patted him softly on the back. "But if it helps, you know I'll come right back to life..." again i like the humour, shows real character

Jake laughed but his smile faded fast,he had a point. But he really didn't want to be a zombie. (As is he) I don't understand the phrase, typo? could feel his heart beat slowing down. It wouldn't be much longer. "Put a bullet in me when I turn..."

There was a moment of silence. "You sure?" Rain asked him.

"Do it or I'll eat you." Jake told him with a grin. Rain didn't return the smile but only nodded his head. Jake sighed and looked down. The zombies were clawing at the door. "You better get a move on. They'll be in soon."

"What about you?"

"I don't feel like I'm going to last much longer."

"I'll lock the roof's door just in case...then I suppose I'll play superman and start jumping between buildings..." Rain told him, examining the buildings. The shoe shop was only five feet between the rest of them, which were connected. "Hang in there as long as you can man..."

There was no answer.

"Jake?"

Rain turned around. Jake was laying down on the ground, his eyes closed. His gun and ammunition by his side. Rain pulled his gun from his holster and wiped the tears from his eyes, removing the sunglasses to do so. "You were a good man Jake. I dedicate this bullet to you, friend..."

Jake groaned. "Your going to shoot me already...Jesus what a friend."

"Your alive? Shit dude, I thought you passed away on me!"(passed away? would they say that?? not died?

"Haha, almost though. Take my guns, might come in handy..." Jake coughed, spitting blood onto the roof. "See you in the afterlife man, good luck."

Rain gathered up the guns and ammo and set them in his bag. "Might see you soon, who knows..." Rain told him, holding back his tears.

"Stop your crying and go..."

Rain nodded, and wiped his eyes once again and put the shades back on. He ran over to the edge and leaped over the building. His feet landing on the edges. He turned to get one last look at his friend. Jake lay on the rooftop, his body stiff(rigor mortis wouldn't have set in yet). This time he was gone. Rain pulled himself together and made his way across the building complex.

Rain casually walked across the rooftops with his head hung low. He wanted to scream, he just lost his best friend, the one who he knew all his life. "Fucking zombies..." He muttered to himself.

There was a sound behind him as he muttered this. A groaning sound. Rain pulled his gun out and readied his finger on the trigger. He turned around to see Jake looking around. But Jake was already dead...and this is what was left. His eyes showed no signs of the previous owner. It saw him and stood up quickly. Rain aimed the gun for Jakes head and was about to fire when the zombie broke into a run.

The Jake Zombie hit the edge of the ledge where it tripped and fell. He smashed his head open on the other building next to it. Rain saw the blood splatter onto the roof and watched as he fell. Rain sighed and put the gun back into its holster and turned around.I was worried you were going to go cheesy on me then, well executed twist.

As he suspected, the zombies were forming a group around the shoe shop. They didn't seem to notice him on top of the roof though. Rain waited until a zombie shambled past the wall and jumped down. The coast was clear. He (you're repeating his name a little too much) scanned the area for something to use as a melee weapon as to not draw attention. He spotted a rusty pipe on the ground. He smiled and picked it up.

He gripped the pipe in hand and twirled around the building. A female zombie was slowly making its way towards the shoe shop. Rain raised the pipe and smashed it over the zombies head. It made a sickening crack as it sunk into the skull. He pulled it out and quickly darted off in the direction he was heading.

-
What you think so far? Theres a good 46 pages so far.

I liked it, I'm a shaun of the dead fan so yeah.. I liked it.. a few little niggles but nothing major, just the sentences not being sentences was a little frustrating. But you can avoid that with revision and edititing..
__________________
A Girl in Winter.
His lips parted, cracked and dry as he struggled to whisper: "My muse, you're here."
She simply smiled, "Yes, Drake, I am here."
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 04-15-2006, 01:44 PM
TimD's Avatar
TimD (Offline)
Abnormally Articulate
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: York, England
Posts: 135
Thanks: 0
Thanks 0
Send a message via MSN to TimD
Default

@Kalibrante : it needs a comma in there before "blood gushing"

"deep bites" I think I would have put "vicious ones" or vicious looking bites"

"whipped" could become "extracted" or "withdrew"

the sunset line does need a "do" in there. It's less colloquial and more illiterate and the guy wouldn't speak like that.

....
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 04-15-2006, 02:29 PM
kal's Avatar
kal (Offline)
Still Clicking!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Le Joli Rouge
Posts: 4,894
Thanks: 44
Thanks 33
Default

why did you aim those comments at me??
__________________
A Girl in Winter.
His lips parted, cracked and dry as he struggled to whisper: "My muse, you're here."
She simply smiled, "Yes, Drake, I am here."
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 04-15-2006, 04:19 PM
TimD's Avatar
TimD (Offline)
Abnormally Articulate
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: York, England
Posts: 135
Thanks: 0
Thanks 0
Send a message via MSN to TimD
Default

oops, only the first one i meant to aim at you, the rest were on the original work
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 04-15-2006, 04:22 PM
kal's Avatar
kal (Offline)
Still Clicking!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Le Joli Rouge
Posts: 4,894
Thanks: 44
Thanks 33
Default

oh right.. i thought you thought i was critiquing my own work...
__________________
A Girl in Winter.
His lips parted, cracked and dry as he struggled to whisper: "My muse, you're here."
She simply smiled, "Yes, Drake, I am here."
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 04-16-2006, 03:00 PM
Vesper (Offline)
Pencil pusher
Official Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: La
Posts: 19
Thanks: 0
Thanks 0
Send a message via AIM to Vesper Send a message via Yahoo to Vesper
Default

oh heh. There was some things needing fixed. I must have posted the wrong version. I went through and changed the names of the characters (didn't like the Roland.) I'll post the other version - correct one - sometime later with the more of the story.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 04-16-2006, 03:34 PM
Vesper (Offline)
Pencil pusher
Official Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: La
Posts: 19
Thanks: 0
Thanks 0
Send a message via AIM to Vesper Send a message via Yahoo to Vesper
Default

Okay, here are the revisions (thanks a bunch, I haven't had much time to actually revise them much.) Its still missing a lot of description but I'm going to go back through and add that once I get closer to the end and know more of the story. It helps me think of more to the story.

"You're bleeding." He told him. His best friend for years was now laying down on the floor blood gushing from several wounds. Jake Callahan had been bitten several times. It was unlikely he would make it.

"I don't feel a thing Rain." Jake coughed, spitting blood up as he did so. Rain pulled out some spare bandages he had been carrying around in his bag and began wrapping up the wounds. "So what's the bad news?"

Rain sighed and finished off the last bandage and sat beside his friend. "How do you feel like watching the sunset Jake?" The bleeding had man begun to laugh. "Haha! Rain, always thinking of yourself eh? It's only noon-ish isn't it?"

"It's a quarter after. And I don't much feel like putting a bullet in my best friend."

There was a moment of silence. Rain stared ahead into the sky, thinking about how he was going to have to do this. Jake looked at him, he was smiling even though he was in pain. "You're a good friend Gabriel Deloan."

"I haven't been called Gabriel in years... I go by Rain now. And you know I hate being called that." Rain told him. He turned to see the smile on his friends face, a smile he knew all too well. "Your still a bastard." Rain laughed.

"Why stop now?" Jake asked him. "Come on, let's go see what's happening on the roof. Might have to give me a hand, one of them got me in the leg." Rain stood up and helped his friend. Together they climbed the stairs to the roof of the shop. It was a one-story building. It used to be an old shoe repair shop, now it's been looted dry. Next to it was a few smaller buildings. A radio shack, a subway sandwich shop, and a clothing store.

Jake limped over to the edge of the building and looked down. They were everywhere. The entire town was covered in them. Jake and Rain were trying to get across town into a warehouse on the other side whenever one of the zombies caught them by surprise.

---

Jake had got bitten in the shoulder. He screamed, blowing their silent cover. Rain had jumped in and pulled his gun out. He fired off one shot and blew off a good sized portion of the attackers head. Until then the streets were somewhat empty. Now they begin to come out. Slowly at first. Crawling out of parked or wrecked cars, buildings, bushes. They were everywhere then.

"Damn! Best to find a place to hold down for awhile." Rain announced. But Jake had already pulled his gun and was firing. He fired three times, one bullet going astray and the other two sinking into the enemies skull.

"Go, I'll handle them." Jake had said.

"I'll find a place, then come back for you." Rain told him before dashing off to the nearest building. It was a pawn shop, a the main window was smashed. It wouldn't be any good for them to hide in there. He rushed over to the next building. An Insurance Agency. The door had been ripped off and there were sounds of a zombie stumbling around in the back. He decided for the next building; a shoe repair shop.

Jake kept on firing until his pistol ran out of ammunition. He pulled the clip free and stuffed it into his pocket, then quickly reloaded another. He pulled his gun up to aim at another but one zombie had crept his way around. The zombie bit him in the leg. Jake screamed in pain and quickly shot him. He kicked the dead guy away from him and stumbled a few feet and almost lost his balance. Another zombie was on him, biting him on the other shoulder. Then another biting his arm. Blood spewed from his wounds as the zombies attempted to devour him.

But then the bullets began to fly by. Two bullets fired. Two successful headshots. Jake turned to see Rain standing before an open doorway. "Let's go!" He was yelling. Jake smiled, fired off another shot at a nearby zombie and hobbled over to his friend. Rain covered him, shooting any thing that got too close. Rain was using a Colt Magnum 6-shot. His personal choice. Jake had a police issued Berretta. He had stolen it off some zombie cop by using his karate techniques that he had learned a few years back. A few kicks with a few punches and then a twist of the neck.

Rain was reloaded the gun whenever Jake approached the door. He popped the cylinder closed and fired off a shot at the nearest zombie. It fell and Rain lunged forward and grabbed his bleeding friend. He threw him through the doorway, fired off two more shots, and then jumped inside and bolted the door.

And now here they were. Jake was about to die and Rain would be alone. He had no idea if anyone else in this town was able to make it. He had warned them though. But they hadn’t listened. Now his town was overrun with the undead. And he was soon to be the last human survivor.

---

Jake was looking over the edge. The crowd had grown. "So what's your plan Gabe?" Jake asked him with a grin. Rain ignored the name again.

"I don't know yet."

"I could run out into the crowd and maybe get them to follow me?"

"You can barely walk, and besides do you really want to be eaten?"

"I don't mind," Jake said with a shrug.

"Yes you do, stop lying." Rain scolded him.

"Okay I do mind. I don't really want to be eaten...but we both know I'm not going to make it." Jake sighed. Rain walked over to him and patted him softly on the back. "But if it helps, you know I'll come right back to life..."

Jake laughed but his smile faded fast He had a point. But he really didn't want to be a zombie. He could currently feel his heart slowing down. It wouldn't be much longer. "Put a bullet in me when I turn..."

There was a moment of silence. "You sure?" Rain asked him.

"Do it or I'll eat you." Jake told him with a grin. Rain didn't return the smile but only nodded his head. Jake sighed and looked down. The zombies were clawing at the door. "You better get a move on. They'll be in soon."

"What about you?"

"I don't feel like I'm going to last much longer."

"I'll lock the roofs door just in case...then I suppose I'll play superman and start jumping between buildings..." Rain told him, examining the buildings. The shoe shop was only five feet between the rest of them, which were connected. "Hang in there as long as you can man..."

There was no answer.

"Jake?"

Rain turned around. Jake was laying down on the ground, his eyes closed. His gun and ammunition by his side. Rain pulled his gun from his holster and wiped the tears from his eyes, removing the sunglasses to do so. "You were a good man Jake. I dedicate this bullet to you, friend..."

Jake groaned. "Your going to shoot me already...Jesus what a friend."

"Your alive? Shit dude, I thought you died on me!"

"Haha, almost though. Take my guns, might come in handy..." Jake coughed, spitting blood onto the roof. "See you in the afterlife man, good luck."

Rain gathered up the guns and ammo and set them in his bag. "Might see you soon, who knows..." Rain told him, holding back his tears.

"Stop your crying and go..."

Rain nodded, and wiped his eyes once again and put the shades back on. He ran over to the edge and leaped over the building. His feet landing on the edges. He turned to get one last look at his friend. Jake lay on the rooftop, his body lifeless. This time he was gone. Rain pulled himself together and made his way across the building complex.

Rain casually walked across the rooftops with his head hung low. He wanted to scream, he just lost his best friend, the one who he knew all his life. "Fucking zombies..." He muttered to himself.

There was a sound behind him as he muttered this. A groaning sound. Rain pulled his gun out and readied his finger on the trigger. He turned around to see Jake looking around. But Jake was already dead...and this is what was left. His eyes showed no signs of the previous owner. It saw him and stood up quickly. Rain aimed the gun for Jakes head and was about to fire when the zombie broke into a run.

The Jake Zombie hit the edge of the ledge where it tripped and fell. He smashed his head open on the other building next to it. Rain saw the blood splatter onto the roof and watched as he fell. Rain sighed and put the gun back into its holster and turned around.

As he suspected, the zombies were forming a group around the shoe shop. They didn't seem to notice him on top of the roof though. Rain waited until a zombie shambled past the wall and jumped down. The coast was clear. He scanned the area for something to use as a melee weapon as to not draw attention. He spotted a rusty pipe on the ground. He smiled and picked it up.

He gripped the pipe in hand and twirled around the building. A female zombie was slowly making its way towards the shoe shop. Rain raised the pipe and smashed it over the zombies head. It made a sickening crack as it sunk into the skull. He pulled it out and quickly darted off in the direction he was heading.

~~~~
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 04-21-2006, 09:28 AM
kal's Avatar
kal (Offline)
Still Clicking!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Le Joli Rouge
Posts: 4,894
Thanks: 44
Thanks 33
Default

hey, I'm about to have a look at part towo and I just wanted to catch up on the story line..

but you know you can edit your first post, you don't have to put a different version in later.
__________________
A Girl in Winter.
His lips parted, cracked and dry as he struggled to whisper: "My muse, you're here."
She simply smiled, "Yes, Drake, I am here."
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 04-23-2006, 01:32 PM
Vesper (Offline)
Pencil pusher
Official Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: La
Posts: 19
Thanks: 0
Thanks 0
Send a message via AIM to Vesper Send a message via Yahoo to Vesper
Default

oh heh, im used to a form without an Edit button. Though if I repost it you can see the difference.
Reply With Quote
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Fiction


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Creep World (WIP) MalReynolds Fiction 21 09-07-2017 06:06 AM
Z-day, part 4 Vesper Fiction 0 07-20-2006 07:31 PM
The Undead 2 Jay Writing Markets 0 06-22-2006 08:31 PM
How I battled radioactive zombie monkeys eightbit Fiction 4 06-17-2006 05:28 PM
Z-Day: part 2ish Vesper Fiction 2 04-23-2006 01:30 PM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 08:14 PM.

vBulletin, Copyright 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.