WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry

Poetry Sit down or take a stand in this poetry section.


Call Me

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 11-06-2006, 07:32 AM
<3Saje<3's Avatar
<3Saje<3 (Offline)
I Am My Own Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 106
Thanks: 0
Thanks 0
Send a message via MSN to <3Saje<3
Default Call Me


Call me weak, call me useless;
I will fall.
Call me strong, call me powerful;
I will prevail.
Call me weird, call me unusual;
I will be unseen.
Call me here, call me there;
I will be everywhere.

__________________
The only thing anyone knows anymore is what they see on TV, are told by the radio and people around them.
No one knows what they are, or even who they are anymore...
It is time to change, time to be yourself and not let people tell you who you are.
Don't be another Paris Hilton, Britiny Spears, or Lindsey Lohan.

Ignore me, do as you please, but just try it. Try to be you.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 11-06-2006, 10:39 AM
gary_wagner
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

I liked the concept and execution of this with a few exceptions. The 2nd line was a good reply to the 1st, as the 4th was with the 2nd. When you got to lines 5 and 6, the response of, "I will be unseen" wasn't as strong as it possibly could have been. If you used an active word like, "shunned", or "outcast" it would have a much better impact.

The ending just didn't set well with me. It was too close to a cliche - "here, there, and everywhere". Even though it says exactly what you want to say, it's been said so many times before that it takes attention away from the rest of the poem which is clever and original. If you could find a way to say it, like, "Take care in what you call me for that is what I am" or something to that effect, it might be better.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 11-06-2006, 05:35 PM
<3Saje<3's Avatar
<3Saje<3 (Offline)
I Am My Own Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 106
Thanks: 0
Thanks 0
Send a message via MSN to <3Saje<3
Default

I understand where you are coming from with the last line. I had a much better word, and will revise it once I think of it. Haha

But thank you for the comments. Much appreciated. ^.^
__________________
The only thing anyone knows anymore is what they see on TV, are told by the radio and people around them.
No one knows what they are, or even who they are anymore...
It is time to change, time to be yourself and not let people tell you who you are.
Don't be another Paris Hilton, Britiny Spears, or Lindsey Lohan.

Ignore me, do as you please, but just try it. Try to be you.
Reply With Quote
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Creep World (WIP) MalReynolds Fiction 21 09-07-2017 07:06 AM
"You May Call Me Matt" Brittany Free Writing 0 07-16-2006 06:04 PM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 08:06 PM.

vBulletin, Copyright 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.