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  #1  
Old 08-04-2017, 06:14 PM
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He was all smiles and energy,
piling our socks and shoes in a heap.
This wasn't where I wanted to be,
just pulled an all-nighter and needed to sleep.

Acres of air conditioned gym,
squealing kids, too full of beans,
so, funeral faced, I followed him,
heading for the trampolines.

Piped pop made my head vibrate,
the smell of feet and candy linger,
l trudged under a sherpa's weight
whilst plastic bags garrot my finger.

He's found the last free trampoline.
I gesture I'll just sit and read,
but no, we must bounce as a team,
he pulls my arm and starts to plead.

So, Masai straight, I spring upright,
piston-ankled, pointed toes.
Embarrassed to see Mum in flight,
he checks for anyone he knows.

Energised, I bounced away,
all scissor legs and mid air turns,
oblivious to his dismay,
now hid behind the plastic ferns.

Gravity can't hold me back.
With all the limber of a teen
I launch into a jumping jack.
He loiters by a coke machine.

Red faced with a pastry glaze,
I quit and plonk down on a stool.
He must be in an 'awkward phase,'
he just said "Dude, that wasn't cool".

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  #2  
Old 08-04-2017, 08:22 PM
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Funny, and a touching slice of life. I mean, you may have made the whole thing up (creatives do that) but it sounds like you and your son.

My son is 14. He has no discernible sense of humor, hates sarcasm, and reads technical manuals for fun.
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Old 08-04-2017, 09:09 PM
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Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
Funny, and a touching slice of life. I mean, you may have made the whole thing up (creatives do that) but it sounds like you and your son.

My son is 14. He has no discernible sense of humor, hates sarcasm, and reads technical manuals for fun.
Yeah, it's me and Little Man.

I've just achieved embarrassing status Bri...painful!
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Old 08-05-2017, 09:58 AM
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Ha ha. Yeah. That's pretty great.

Good rhymes too.
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Old 08-05-2017, 10:19 AM
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Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
Funny, and a touching slice of life. I mean, you may have made the whole thing up (creatives do that) but it sounds like you and your son.

My son is 14. He has no discernible sense of humor, hates sarcasm, and reads technical manuals for fun.
My 14 year has a pretty good sense of humor -- observational humor that comes out when she tells funny stories about things that have happened to her. She's pretty quite and a little bookish. She's already a pretty good writer too.

My 12 year old has a sense of humor more like mine. I think she's going to be trouble...
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Old 08-10-2017, 05:01 PM
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Took Little Man trampolining today. Had the sense to drink coffee and behave like an adult this time...
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Old 08-18-2017, 01:08 AM
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Hey Grace

This was a fun, light-hearted read. The imagery adds to the humour, like the 'Masai' reference. The tenses are inconsistent but that's just a minor point.

thanks for the read!
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Old 08-18-2017, 03:12 PM
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Cheers Leila.

I rely on Nick to catch my cock-ups.

Without him, my writing days are over...

Could you pass me a tissue please...I'm not quite myself.
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Old 08-19-2017, 08:13 AM
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Grace this is cool. Not a fan of formatted rhyme but you seemed to have worked this well. I've not done a syllable check as it flows along well with a nice little rhythm, and yes, if I was to dig down I would probably find one or two lines that don't measure up - but hey, it's good and if it ain't broke …



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Old 08-19-2017, 02:34 PM
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Bless you Drew.
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