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Crystal Methamphetamine

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Old 08-15-2006, 09:11 PM
1jasondaniels (Offline)
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Crystal Methamphetamine


The shit we believe in's called shit for a reason,
and if our cracked-back minds weren't decaying and black,
be damn sure this shit is some shit we'd be leaving.

Both awesome and awful, this crystal is shit.
Sexy and strong, smoked best from a bong,
but as hard as I try I just can't seem to quit it.

So I sit and I smoke shit, sometimes while I shit.
I get lit as I sit and take hit after hit.
And after a minute, but before I'm done with it,
I realize that my life's just a dream, and I'm in it.

But wait! I can't wake!
My body's beginning to tremble and shake!
Once again, friend, I've gone off and made a mistake!

This shit's, once again, taken over my world;
I've given up living, my goals and my girl.

Lonely, and lacking in love--what have I become?
Just a bum who needs shit.
I give up, I've succumbed.

I'm needy, and fiending
for life to have meaning.
I once stood so tall, now I can't keep from leaning.

I need help. I need strength;
I've lost mine, become numb.
From a kid full of promise
to this bum who's got none.

(So why can't I quit it?)

Tokin' and chokin'
I'm once again smokin'.
But I've got to quit with this shit 'fore I'm broken.

I'm crying
and trying to deal with this pain.
I lie to convince myself
dying's insane!

Not sure how much more of this shit I can take--
my body is bruised and beginning to break.

I've done lost my family, and friends from the past,
but I know if I quit shit, my new friends won't last.

My drug buddies,
they're just down to smoke dope.
But I know if I don't
or I can't
or I won't
keep away from those dope fiends and the shit that they smoke

someday soon, I'll be ruined, so unable to cope.

I've just gotta get out now--

I still hope there's hope.

Last edited by 1jasondaniels; 08-15-2006 at 09:13 PM..
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Old 08-16-2006, 06:17 AM
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I know the title of the poem is shit and it is about shit but this seemed to become an exercise in how many times you could include the word shit in the poem (which was 18 times). The overused repetition became tiresome and your message was buried in all that shit.

You also have occasional rhymes but they are not consistent so they detract from the poem because the reader is looking for them in stanzas where they don't exist.

Tokin' and chokin'
I'm once again smokin'.
But I've got to quit with this shit 'fore I'm broken.
I liked the rhythm and feel of this stanza. You might want to think about breaking the third line into two: "But I've got to quit this shit" and "Before I'm broken"

You've got some good thoughts and message here. Beside the overuse of shit, you could improve this poem greatly with a little less random line lengths and structure with a consistent pattern.
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Old 08-16-2006, 02:57 PM
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Shit man, ditto.
What say the reeds at Runnymede?
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