Hey! I want thoughts on this script, what you think about it and what was your most favorite part. Please help me become a better writer
. Also, if you want a frame of reference, Go watch the first episode at NetsworldProductions youtube page.
The Mistress of Illusion Ep: 2 By: JRN
*we hear planes taking off and landing, and we hear someone in the background saying “Flight 897 landing” Then we hear some footsteps coming closer and closer to something.*
Heka: Excuse me, can you please tell me where the baggage claim is?
FA: Oh yeah, its right over there by the uh Cinnamon Bun place.
Heka: Thank you.
FA: Hey, you look familiar, have I seen you somewhere before?
Heka: On TV maybe.
Heka: Yeah, its a little station no one really watches it.
FA: What is it?
FA:.... OH now I know who you are! You're Senator Diana Watts aren’t you? Oh man, I remember seeing you on the news delivering a speech about... Gah, what was it again?!
Heka: Depends on what day you where watching.
FA: Um...I think October maybe?
Heka: Oh that was the defense bill, yeah I remember that.
FA: Yeah, I remember what you said about power and stuff, like um “True power isn't knowing when to attack someone-”
Both: “But knowing when to help them”
Heka: Yeah that right! I'm surprised someone your age listens to speeches, usually college kids are either drinking or just fu- messing around.
FA: You can say fuck, I'm X rated.
Heka: And if you believe some news programs so am I.
FA: *Laughs* Aw man, I probably sound stupid right now I just-
Heka: I work with stupid people all the time and you're not stupid.
FA: Thanks. It's just that, you're such a big inspiration to me and, you're one of the biggest reasons I follow politics.
Heka: Well that's good, I think more young people should get into politics or at least know whats happening in the country.
FA: Yeah... I'm probably taking you away from something important, but it was nice meeting you.
Heka: Oh not at all, and it was nice meeting you too. Take care.
RN: I love flying!
RN: The wind in my face, the adrenaline surging through my body!
Reagan: *Buzz, Splat* AH GROSS!
RN: The bugs in my teeth... Yeah, somethings kind of turn me off when flying...
Reagan: *Ice whooshing sound* WAOH!
FB: Do not lower your defenses!
RN: Oh yeah, and then there’s training. If your confused, let me explain. A little over 4 months ago I had received something called the Pantheon Powers and I have been training with the Egyptian moon god Thoth in, what he calls, simple magic. It's basically a lot of Mediating, learning how to fly, dodging stuff in midair, and fighting, lots of fighting. To make sure I was in a place where no one would be hurt, he found this 100 yard abandoned plot outside of town. Its a good place, well I think it is, no one can really see us and there's no main roads to get here.
FB: Don't get lazy Reagan!
RN: As Father Bradford (or more simply Thoth, since that’s his real name and junk, but I've known his as Father Bradford for about a year and a half so screw it) said this, he had made a sword out of ice and lunged at me. I dodged the attack and punched him in the nose. He wiped the blood off and looked at me.
FB: If I where a lesser man that would have probably killed me.
FB: Which is why you need more practice.
Reagan: (A bit confused and angry) What?!
FB: You hit to hard, my body can take more but some random thug on the street... You punch him like that his spine may go through his ass, pardon my french. You need to set limitations for yourself. I'm not teaching you how to kill, I'm teaching you how to defend yourself.
Reagan: Father Bradford, for the past 4 months I've been learning nothing but fighting, and you said you would teach me magic when do we get to that?
FB: I said I would teach you basics.
Reagan: and fighting is basic magic?
FB: It's a form of meditation, a way of homing in skills, reliving stress, and clearing the mind. Plus I'm not going to teach you intermediate magic.
Reagan: Well then who is?
Reagan: (Freaking out) AH WOAH WHO ARE YOU?!
FB: Reagan, calm down. I invited her here.
Reagan: What?! You said no human visitors.
Heka: Who said anything about that?
Reagan: Who are you?
Heka: You don’t recognize?
Reagan: N-No, should I?
Heka: Well yes, I'm one of your state senators.
Reagan: OK, Listen there are like, a million people in the senate. I don’t know any of there names. So, I'm sorry if I don't know who you are.
Heka: It's alright, I wouldn't expect a teenager to know who I am. But for the time being, My name is Senator Diana Watts.
FB: You don't have to be so formal Heka.
Heka: Neither do you Thoth
FB: Yes, she is Heka the goddess of magic.
Heka: And hopefully your new magic teacher.
Reagan: Oh... OK....
FB: Yes, hopefully you will learn more from her than I can tech you. So when did you get here?
Heka: About an hour ago, I traced your energy fields and found you here. Nice plot of land by the way. A hell of a long way from the city though.
FB: I know, it's so far away. I tried to teleport us here originally, but every time I did she would throw up.
Heka: Ah yes, teleporting for the first time can be quite jarring. But you'll get used to it.
Reagan: Hey, sorry for breaking up this little reunion. But are we going to continue training or...?
Heka: Not in these clothes I'm not. I'll comeback tomorrow and train you right after I talk with Aztec about the Police Budget. I'll see what you know so far.
FB: Are you staying long?
Heka: Maybe, we'll see. You get back to what you where doing, don't let me stop you.
FB: Actually, practice is done for today.
Heka: Aw, that's to bad. I really wanted to see what your normal routine was.
FB: Well, maybe I can tell you tonight when we catch up. If you're not busy that is.
Heka: Oh not at all!
FB: Great! Here, let me drop off Reagan at her dorm and then we can chat.
Reagan: Great, let me just get my gear and then we can-
RN: Just then, I felt a force grip me and pull me from the place I was just standing in to another location. I don't know who teleported me, but all I knew then was that Janice was going to be very surprised.
Janice: *We hear some random TV Noises*
Zapping Whoosh noise
Janice: (Frightened Screech)
Reagan: Oh god *Trashcan scraping and vomiting noise*
Janice: REAGAN! What the heck, at least warn me next time will ya! I could have been naked or something.
Reagan: *Heavy post vomit breathing* I'm sorry... One of them... Must have teleported me here...
RN: As I pulled myself together, I told Janice the events of the last 30 minuets.
Reagan: Yeah. *Sigh* Man, learning magic has really gotten to me. I think I'm starting to break out on my forehead. You want a drink?
Janice: Oh, no thanks. You can use my facial scrub if you want to. It's how I keep my face so clear.
Reagan: No thanks, I don't wanna feel like a leech. *Soda opening and drinking noise followed by a sigh* So what are you working on?
Janice: Oh nothing I'm just watching something, I was finished with that math test review Mrs. Dominic assigned us and I thought I would just watch some TV...
Reagan: Oh that's cool... Wait... You're already done with the 6 page test review? In an hour? Where did you find time to do that?
Janice: After I installed the police scanner in my computer, and after I finished making these two way Blue Tooth ear pieces. Here let me show you!
RN: As Janice pulled out the headsets, I looked around and saw that ever since the dean put us together as roommates less than 2 months ago, she had been working on her computer and putting together some stuff, finishing homework in about an hour or less, finishing some tests in about 30 minuets sometimes less. I mean Janice is smart but...
Reagan: Hey Jan, you OK?
Janice: Yeah, why?
Reagan: I mean it just seems like your running yourself a bit to much.
Janice: I don’t know what you mean?
Reagan: I mean, your finishing a shit ton of homework in like an hour. Are you OK?
Janice: *Gradually getting faster* I dunno, I mean I just have ideas in my head sometimes and bursts of, of like intelligence and I just, I mean I just, I have, I, I, I don’t know I just need to write things down. And like, like, like when I hear equations I just get them before anyone explains them and I just feel like sometimes MY HEAD WILL EXPLODE! *Head hit and silent crying*
Reagan: *Soft and endearing*… Hey... Hey Jan... it's OK... It's OK.... can you tell me when this all started?
Janice: *Trying to get herself together and sniffling* I *Sniffle* I don't n- *Sniffle* now... like two m-*sniffle* months ago...
Reagan: Hey listen... when Father Bradford gets back we'll talk to him about this OK?
Janice: OK... *Sniffle* Do you still wanna try out the head sets tonight when you go out?
Reagan: Sure Jan... let me get ready and then I'll go...
FB: So how long are you going to be staying in town for?
Heka: About a week, I'm only here on official business because Diana needs to talk with John Aztec.
FB: Well, cant you move here? Doesn’t Senate only meet on certain dates?
Heka: Well yes, but wouldn't it look suspicious if a young, single senator where to move to a horrible town? I'd be killed in a millisecond, or worse.
FB: Well when you put it that way...
Heka: Yeah... But enough about my boring old life, tell me about your sudden decision to join the priesthood.
FB: *Nervous chuckle* Well, on paper it says when I was 17 I joined in Ireland and became the local priest in a church in Belfast.
Heka: Uh-Huh. How did you really scam your way into being a priest?
FB: Stole a dead priests name and faked some documents and an accent.
Heka: I thought so.
FB: Yeah... The weird thing is this is my first time teaching children... It's harder than it looks...
Heka: I cant imagine.
FB: Yeah... Well I've probably kept you away from something important...
Heka: Oh, well now that you've mentioned it I do need to get up early in the morning. Big meeting and all.
FB: Yeah I understand...
Heka:..... It was nice meeting you again.
FB: You too... you too....
RN: I flew through the city, patrolling the streets like I've done for the past 3 months now. I've never been on patrol with Janice before, though it might be nice to have some help. I've stopped a few thugs from hurting innocent people, nothing big. I've mostly been putting people away that police either can't stop or don't want to, you'd be amazed at how many dirty cops I’ve stopped. I'm really worried about Janice, I don't know whats happening to her. I should probably-
Janice: Reagan, I just got a report of an armed robbery on west 54 street at the West Egg gas station.
Reagan: Alright Janice, I'm on it.
Thug 1: PUT THE MONEY IN THE BAG!!!! PUT THE FUCKING MONEY IN THE BAG!!!!
Owner: OK, Please don’t hurt me.
Thug 2: Hey boss, they got Twinkies
Thug 1: Shut it!
Thug 3: Yeah, shut it porker!
Thug 2: Hey, don't call me a porker ya cock hydrant
Thug 3: I'll call ya what ever I want ya fuck ass wipe!
Thug 1: Shut up! This shouldn't be complicated you dick weeds. Now put the money in the fucking bag before the police show up!
Reagan: Wow really? A convenient store? God this is so cliché!
Thug 2: The fuck is this bitch?!
Reagan: I mean what? Is there not a bank you could rob? a train? I mean you had to pick a convenient store?
Thug 3: Well it was our only option and-
Thug 1: Shut up Terry!
Reagan: And take off those fucking panty hoes, for Christ sake I can see your face. Yeah I'm talking to you guy. Yeah your fucking soup strainer mustache, get that ugly son of a bitch shaved.
Thug 2: Is she talking bout me?
Thug 1: Look lady, I don’t know who you think you are. But you just made a big mistake.
Reagan: Oh really, and whys that?
RN: Just then he pulled out a small switch blade from his pocket.
Reagan: *Tries to hold back laughter but can't and erupts in laughter*
Thug 1: Whats so funny?
Reagan: *Calms down a little bit* you brought knives to rob a convenient store?
Janice: *Laughing a bit* What?
Reagan: *Laughs harder* And that small too? Well I guess your kind of use to holding small stiff things in your hand. Oh god this is so funny. Hold on a second *begins to regain her composer* Ya know most people bring Guns to rob a convenient store, but you are the only Motherfuckers who brought knives. I don't know if this is funny or sad. Wait, yes I do, it's sad.
Thug 1: Oh you little bitch, you're going down!
Reagan: OK bring it on motherfucker.
RN: He lunged at me with the switchblade aimed at my abdomen. I quickly moved out of the way and grabbed his arm and yanked it behind his back, twisting and yanking. His howls of pain where interrupted when the stupid one tried to lung at me and stab me in the back. I used my quick skills to kick him straight in the jaw and knock him back into a wall of Slim Jim's and other Beef Jerky products. The fat one was in the back stuffing something down his shirt. I'll deal with him later. The brains of the group stood up and speared me into the soda fountain, breaking it getting us both very sticky. I grabbed one of the big plastic big cups and smashed it in his head and he let go. The stupid one tried to charge me but I smacked his square in the jaw with the cup and he dropped like a fly. The brains got up and grabbed his knife off the floor and charged me. I ran and grabbed a mountain dew bottle from the soda fridge and knocked him straight in the eyes. I put both unconscious bodies next to each other and started looking for the fat one. I heard his heavy, scared breathing in the bathroom.
Reagan: *Knocking* Excuse me, is this john occupied?... Es esta Juan ocupado?... Guess not. *We hear her kick in the door*
Thug 3: G-Get away!
Reagan: Oh, I'm sorry this is the Mens room, I didn't see that. But it's nice to know that the both of you are in here.
Thug 3: I-I didn’t hurt anyone I swear! *Plastic packages fall out*
Reagan: Really? Twinkies? You where gonna steal Twinkies?
RN: He pulled out his knife shaking and breathing so heavy and so hard. I went up to him and made him put his knife down gently and punched him in the face knocking him out. I dragged the three unconscious bodies out to the middle of the store and ties the up by using some rope the store had in the back. I grabbed a Twinkie from the front and started to eat one.
Reagan: Mmmm~ *Mouth full* You don't know how much you love something till its gone. *Police sirens* Oh good, the cavalry has arrived. *Walks outside* Don't worry officers, I caught the bad guys!
Police: Arrest her for destruction of property!
Reagan: WHAT?! I caught the real criminals there in there!
RN: One cop tried to grab me but I pushed him back and tried to run away.
Police: She's resisting arrest!
Reagan: I'm not resisting I'm *Gunshot* WOAH! Hey guys cant we just work this out? *Gunshot* Guess not.
RN: I started to run as they shot at me. In one swift motion, I jumped in the air and started to fly away from the crazy police. I flew all the way to the top of a tall building. I felt a sharp pain in my back and thought for sure I bruised or even broke a few ribs. I took off my mask and just laid there, trying to take my mind off the pain.
Reagan: Fucking assholes. I was just trying to help... Did more than they would have done that's for sure... Ah Jesus that hurts...
Janice: Sounds like it does. You think you'll be able to go on?
Reagan: Yeah... I think so... I think you need a name
Reagan: Like, when I'm fighting someone and I need your help. I just can't scream Janice, people may be listening in. If they hear Janice Brooks they may find out who you are and then find out who I am.
Janice: OK um... How about “Dark Worm”?
Reagan: Nah... Renegade?
Janice: Soul Crusher!
Reagan: Piston Pipe!
Janice:... That sounds dirty...
Reagan: OK Miss Picky... How about something tech based?
Janice: OK... Firewall!
Reagan: Oh god.
Janice: What? You said something tech based.
Reagan: Yeah but not stupidly obvious.
Janice: Alright, alright, alright...Hm... How about Scarlet?
Janice: Scarlet! It's my old forum name. I think it sounds pretty cool.
Janice: Well what?
Reagan: Nothing... It's just that I need a name too, I'm sick of everyone calling me Green Hood. That's probably the worst superhero name ever...
Janice: Not as bad as Robin...
Reagan: Yeah... I just need to make myself known, ya know? Green Hood is as generic a name as you can get. I need something that will inspire people. That will make people say “Look in the sky! Its.... So and So, and shes here to save us!”. With green hood I just can't really do that...
Janice: Yeah , I see where your coming from, but I just don’t know what you should be called. I mean, all the good superhero names have been taken Super-girl, Batgirl. I mean, what do we call you? The Incredible Green Magic Super Chick?
Reagan: No... but I think I have an idea...
Janice: What is it?
Reagan: The Mistress of Illusion! I mean think about it! It's catchy, original, and if I stop some creep they'll know exactly who I am!
Janice: Yeah I can see that...
Reagan: I thought you would... Ah damn it's getting late.
Janice: Wanna head back?
Reagan: Yeah... I could use a hot shower...
RN: I started to fly back to the dorm rooms all sweaty, bruised and gross. I knew that my day would soon be over and I would be laying in my soft warm toasty bed.
J.A.Jr: *In a dark menacing intimidating tone* Let me get this straight. I send you three mental midgets to do a simple task, rob a convenient store, hurt no one and make it out... Yet, you come here and tell me that a vigilante, who most witnesses describe as being 5' 3”, managed to beat 3 grown men into submission and expect me to be... understanding... I don't know what to say... I expected more from my men...
Thug 1: Boss, don't do what I think your gonna do, please. Y-you can dock our pay for the next 4 jobs, w-we don't like money anyway right?
Thug 2: Yeah we, we don't like money anyway, we want experience.
Thug 3: Yeah experience, hehe.
J.A.Jr: *Sighs* I won't kill you... That’s reserved for higher filth... I want you to leave my office, or are you too stupid for that also?... Go before I change my mind...
Thug 1: Y-yes sir! Come on guys.
Door open and close noise
J.A.Jr: *Sigh* And people wonder why I'm going gray...
J.A.Jr: Hello, this is John Aztec Junior of Aztec Incorperat- oh it's you sir, I'm so sorry... Yes I know we've hit a bump in the road but I assure you that everything has been taken care of... No sir, we still have no word on who this vigilante is, but the media is calling her “Green Hood”... Yes sir... Yes Sir... I'll find a way sir... Thank you sir... Goodbye sir...