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Simile & Metaphor: love

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  #1  
Old 11-05-2008, 02:59 PM
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Default Simile & Metaphor: love


waves break on rocks
like hearts without homes
looking up from the sea
the love you had for me

a young man's blood
an old man's brain
a broken love
washed up on the waves

i turn
and walk away

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Old 11-05-2008, 04:39 PM
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Hi deveaushawn! Good job getting both in one poem. The metaphor is--as usual--a little more slippery than the simile.

Good images. I especially like "a young man's blood / an old man's brain"... it really captures the idea of being torn, vacillating back and forth like waves.

I notice you use no punctuation. That seems like a good counterpart to the ceaseless action of waves... but perhaps you could put a period after "and walk away". It would stand out really well in the absence of anything alse, and it would emphasize finality.

Thanks for posting!
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Old 11-06-2008, 07:05 AM
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Thanks for your comments HoiLei. And thank you as well for hosting this very helpful sub-forum. I need all the book learnin' I can get!!
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Old 11-06-2008, 02:11 PM
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No problem! I enjoy doing it... I'm learning so much, too!
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Old 01-26-2009, 04:10 AM
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I just read a simile about tears falling like ships sinking, and now a waves breaking like hearts. Very cool. well done deveaushawn!
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