Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry > Nine and Sixty Ways – Poetry Tools and Lessons

Nine and Sixty Ways – Poetry Tools and Lessons Poetry Tools and Lessons on the Beat. Your first stop for learning and help with poetic technique.

metaphor - Flawed

Thread Tools
Old 11-03-2008, 01:46 AM
Posts: n/a
Default metaphor - Flawed


Last edited by Jarin; 11-18-2008 at 03:53 AM..
Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2008, 05:57 AM
HoiLei's Avatar
HoiLei (Offline)
Draw, o coward!
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: "In my mind I'm goin' to Carolina..."
Posts: 4,797
Thanks: 183
Thanks 484

Hi Jarin! This is a hard one... you're makin' me think! I'm going to make a guess about who "she" and "he" are, okay?
Originally Posted by Jarin View Post

As we started to sail by stars (navigation?)
we didn’t know our journey would be mapped across the sky.
Houses dammed us to warmed, wintered ground (Houses in the winter are usually thought good... interesting that you say we are "damned" to warmed ground.)
and as steam learnt to break ice trails under northern skies, (further technology, steam power?)
dark became her soul. ("Her" soul becomes darker with each sign of man's progress?)
The strongest mounted her
until her body arched against chains,
her cry to us - fevered,
for razor-studded boots
to feed scars
on her cover-girl-beauty,
tamed. (This section made me think "she" was the earth, scarred by man's progress.)

Or, at least, we convinced ourselves vanity was her cry.

We didn't see
his little life lived there on broken causeways,
how she counted shadows around him (Poignant)
to try and distract him from days of no thoughts.
Only he’d lost the will to count. (Ooh, who's "he" now?)
So she made autumn’s coat fall to keep him warm,
only he cringed away from her touch on his broken skin. (Now I think "he" is the Earth, and perhaps "she" is weather.)
Then she drove summer to thirst (droughts?) to keep night’s mares at bay,
only night had long since lost the will to leash his monsters.
When she saw all attempts to warm his wintered life had failed,
she cried. (This mention of warming winter recalls the other mention, only that one was "damnation" for us, and this one is what she wants for him. Confused. Will keep reading...)
People passed on by,
so violent winds tried to voice his silent screams. (People ignored drastic wether changes, so windstorms blew up?)

Now dark has become her soul.

She cries her fury
as any mother would; ("Mother Nature"?)
ignoring her scars
she defending her child
from the pick-axe blows
of this,
man’s kind-less ("Kind-less" as in "lacking kindness", and "without kind or peer". I.e. No-one else is this cruel to the earth.)
I think "he" is the earth, and "she" is the broader force of nature, weather, the universe. So the metaphor would be:

mother defending her child = nature defending earth (from man's ravages)

Let me know if I'm way off base! It's all right is I am; after all, half the fun of posting a poem is seeing what others make of it!

Thanks for posting. Interesting use of metaphor!
"I just saved 100% on my car insurance by switching to walking!"
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2008, 07:56 AM
thickwig's Avatar
thickwig (Offline)
Eloquent Troll
Official Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: the land of dosas
Posts: 298
Thanks: 60
Thanks 8

I have to read this again and again. The images are so vivid and veiled as in holding a deeper meaning. I still haven't quite figured them out but I do love the tapestry you have woven with your words here. I just love to feel that against myself. Cherish that feeling rather than understand how it was made or why.

Do keep writing.

I will come back and post if I could extract some meaning out of this. But, poetry for me need not have any conclusions. It just is.
He came, he saw, he went....here --->
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2008, 01:48 AM
Posts: n/a

Thank you both for taking time out to read and comment!

I loved your interpretation, Hoilei. It's very close to mine: nature defending life (literally a mother protecting her 'kid').

First stanza just goes through how man sees nature through their own vanity: nature is only seen to think of herself (and kind of almost get a humanized 'kick' out of the pain that man's progress is cutting into her 'body' (dark became her soul)). The second shows she's simply reacting as any mother. The 'life' she's produced (in this case, a boy) is being mistreated so she doesn't really give a damn about the scars on her 'body'. She tries to breathe life back into the kid, then, frustrated as man keeps walking past ignoring his hurt, her anger (now dark has become her soul) 'airs' the silent screams going on inside his head. Man's kind-less flaw is just a play with mankind. Because, in this case, man's being far from kind.

Thank you for reading!
Reply With Quote

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry > Nine and Sixty Ways – Poetry Tools and Lessons

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 07:11 AM.

vBulletin, Copyright © 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.