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Pleasure Beach

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  #1  
Old 08-05-2018, 12:34 PM
Leila (Offline)
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Default Pleasure Beach


you caught me
without reason, lacking time
and almost out of
my mind,

off-season, my shutters down
my sea grown cold
in a word, you found me -
old;

and I, safe from movement, strife,
secure from life,
never realized
how I advertised
my vacancy
and you applied.


So come, take it now
what there is to take -
we'll celebrate together
a wedding or a wake;

we'll make believe
the sound we hear
are roaring oceans deep,
and not the murmur
of the dead, stirring in
their sleep.

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There is nothing more overwhelming than this attraction of the abyss - Jules Verne

Last edited by Leila; 08-05-2018 at 02:06 PM..
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  #2  
Old 08-06-2018, 03:46 AM
E. Zamora (Offline)
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I like.

Extended metaphor is really hard to pull off, but this works.

Not crazy about the italics...
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  #3  
Old 08-06-2018, 06:25 AM
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Nacia (Online)
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I liked the third stanza the most.
Cool piece enjoyed !!
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a lesson in
life is a pound
in sound
it reminds us
it is expensive a fine
so bear one
in mind
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Old 08-06-2018, 11:27 AM
Leila (Offline)
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thanks to you both for reading and commenting!
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Old 08-06-2018, 12:40 PM
E. Zamora (Offline)
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This place has made me lazy.

Some poems deserve more careful consideration and analysis; this is one of them.

It's kind of what I would want, so I should put money where my mouth is.

I'll get back to you...
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Old 08-07-2018, 03:29 AM
Leila (Offline)
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Originally Posted by E. Zamora View Post
This place has made me lazy.

Some poems deserve more careful consideration and analysis; this is one of them.

It's kind of what I would want, so I should put money where my mouth is.

I'll get back to you...
cheers, I really appreciate it.
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