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Tinmen Part 12 (Adult language and themes, violence)

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Old 02-04-2013, 01:40 PM
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Icon1 Tinmen Part 12 (Adult language and themes, violence)


This is a science fiction romance. There is adult language and themes. IF I include a love scene, it will likely be alluded to when posted here, but edited out, and I may decide to post just the deleted scene in the Adult Content forum.

Roughly 800 words

Part 1 is here: http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=43517
Part 2 is here: http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=43518
Part 3 is here: http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=43529
Part 4 is here: http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=43673
Part 5 is here: http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=43713
Part 6 is here: http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=43797
Part 7 is here: http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=43840
Part 8 is here: http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=43883
Part 9 is here: http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=43943
Part 10 is here: http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=43964
Part 11 is here: http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=44002

(In part 1: We were 'introduced' to a cyborg, who does not know who he was/is. We also met a lab technician named Kat who was working on him. As well as another man named Jack, who is Kat's significant other.
In part 2: Kat discovers that the cyborg is not like other cyborgs and could be one of the first successful attempts at creating cyborgs. We also meet ex-Warrant Officer Maximilian Smeede.
In part 3: After trying to render the cyborg harmless, we learn that he will die if he is not returned to the dangerous armor, but it is decided that he will be left to die.
In part 4: The base has been attacked, Kat and others taken away as prisoners and Jack puts the cyborg back into his armor, before Jack dies.
In part 5: Our cyborg infiltrates an enemy base and finds an ally.
In part 6: Our cyborg learns his name, and rescues members of the resistance, including Kat, but is once again in the hands of the UANM.
In part 7: Our cyborg discovers there are infiltrator cyborgs, humans who do not look like they have been altered and are autonomous. While trying to get intel on these new cyborgs, our cyborg (hereafter called Brags) is discovered by the UANM.
In part 8: Brags is welcomed back into the UANM, learns a little more about who he was. Warner is captured by the UANM.
In part 9: Brags rescues Warner.
In part 10: Brags finds the resistance and discovers Kat thinks he's a traitor.
In part 11: The resistance decides to make a cyborg, against Warner and Kat's protests. The UANM is tracking the resistance. Brags shows Kat the last moments of Jack's life.)



____ Mardi is laughing so hard that his freckles have vanished in a sea of red. Shaker grabs a splintered piece of 2x4 and takes an at-bat stance, while Squawk dangles like a helpless human piñata. I am trying to take a picture, while Chops is trying to get Squawk down.
____ Four of us had squeezed through the hole in the wall without problems, Squawk got hung up on a lag bolt, literally.
____ Looking down at the camera in my hands, to see if I got the picture, I realize I am dreaming. A wistful smile spreads across my face as I watch my team, my brothers. 'Brothers,' the word echoes in my dreaming mind.
____ “Vinny, come in side before you catch your death!” my mother calls out from behind me.
____ Turning around, the partially collapsed building has been replaced by my childhood home, the screen door has snapped shut before I could see my mother. My bare feet pad through wet grass and muddy earth alike as I race across the yard and up to the door.
____ “Wipe your feet!” I hear her call from inside the house, making me skid to a stop and dutifully obey.
____ “Mom!” I yell as I run from room to room, the need to see my mother consumes me, “Mom?” I take the carpeted stairs two at a time, my boots thudding loudly, my rifle smacking the balusters. Desperation floods into me as room after empty room greets my calls and fills my eyes.
____ “Get down,” a soft voice says from my left.
____ Looking that way, confusion furrows my brow as my eyes land upon Terry, my little brother. He is wearing my blue dress uniform, it hangs on him, engulfing him, the cover nearly covering his eyes.
____ I remember this. He is twelve. I have just completed basic training. He wants to go with me when I leave, he wants to be a Marine. I had scolded him for getting into my things, for walking on the pant legs of my blues. Now I just want to hug him. I take a step toward him and he speaks.
____ “Get down!” his eyes are wide with fear as he looks toward the bathroom door.
____ Something slams into my chest as I turn and I am flying backward through the air. It feels like I am on fire. Clear blue sky fills my vision until Shaker crawls into view.
____ “Oh shit. Mardi!” he looks off to my right, then back down at me, “Hang in there. You're gonna be fine.”
____ I see my booted feet and the hard packed dirt as Mardi and Shaker drag me to cover. My body jerks as Mardi opens my vest to examine me.
____ “I can't stop the bleeding,” Mardi says as he wipes his face with the back of a bloody hand, “We have to get him out of here.”
____ “Brags. Brags!” I look at Chops, “Don't you fucking check out! Keep breathing! Keep your God damned eyes open!”
____ I want to comply, but my eyes lids are too heavy.
____ “You won't forget me, will you?” Lauren's whisper is so warm against my ear, her fingertips stroke the side of my neck.
____ Shifting her in my arms until she is atop me, I open my eyes and smile up at her, “Never, but just to be safe, you might want to give me more to remember you by,” my smile became a cheeky grin.
____ Her laugh rolls over my skin like sunlight, a prickling heat that sinks into my bones, “You are incorrigible. You know that, don't you?”
____ “Of course I know it,” my hands slide up her bare body. I kiss her soundly, then grin, “Part of why you love me?” I raise a brow.
____ More of her laughter soaks into me, “You better be glad I love that...” her hand moves between us and she caresses me intimately, “part... of you.”
____ The pressure in my groin builds and I shift beneath her, trying to rub against that part of her that I know is warm and wet from our recent lovemaking, but something doesn't feel right. I try to grip her hips to move her closer, but my arms won't move. My mouth won't open to tell her I need help.


____ Brags lurched upright on his cot, blinking at the darkness, blinking at his tears. Swiveling around, he dropped his metal-clad feet to the earthen floor, his metal-clad elbows rest on his metal-clad knees, his head in his hands, or his helm, rather. Moments later he began to strip away his armor as his memories reminded him what it meant to be a man.

---

Part 13 is here: http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=44143

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Last edited by MightieMousie; 02-12-2013 at 10:04 PM..
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Old 02-10-2013, 06:25 PM
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____ Turning around, the partially collapsed building has been replaced by my childhood home, the screen door has snapped shut before I could see my mother. My bare feet pad through wet grass and muddy earth alike as I race across the yard and up to the door.

Nice writing here! rEally in the scene!!!
___
____ Brags lurches upright on his cot, blinking at the darkness, blinking at his tears. Swiveling around, he drops his metal-clad feet to the earthen floor, his metal-clad elbows rest on his metal-clad knees, his head in his hands, or his helm, rather. Moments later he begins to strip away his armor as his memories remind him what it meant to be a man.

interesting putting this part in present tense. Why that choice. just an observation, there's nothing wrong with it. strong finish.

***

short but sweet this one. I noticed the setting. REal good!

dreams morphing into one another. Trippy.
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Old 02-11-2013, 06:14 AM
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Another good episode in the lives of your fascinating creations.
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Old 02-12-2013, 12:02 AM
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Thank you, oldron!

---

Rooster,

Dang it! Um, it was a complete slip up. It was left over present tense from the dream sequence. Hate it when my tense spills over.

Thank you for the catch!
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Old 02-12-2013, 02:29 PM
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Is that right? It goes into part 13 as well.
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Old 02-12-2013, 10:03 PM
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*Grumbles and kicks self* Yes... I see that. That would be because I wrote all of that in one sitting. Well hell... editing it now.

MM
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Last edited by MightieMousie; 02-12-2013 at 10:18 PM..
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