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Need help with Story Introduction.

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Old 02-05-2007, 07:38 AM
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Icon3 Need help with Story Introduction.


Ok, well I'm working on a new story but the begining is just not coming together well. I have awsome ideas for this story but they just don't seem to sound good on paper. So, please read what I've put together and post any suggestions/corrections.
Here it is...
*****
Many people enjoy the unrealistic dream world of fairytales. Children are tucked into bed at night with the tales of beautiful princesses and charming princes. I’m here to set things straight, not every Princess gets her Prince. So here’s my tale, a modern day Princess that seems to have it all but in reality has nothing.
Once upon a time in modern day New York City there lived a beautiful, rich, High School student named Hannah Dove. Hannah was the girl that every other girl wanted to be. She had money, looks and popularity, all the things that every teenager craved. On the outside Hannah had everything but deep down she seemed to be dying…
“Mom,” I said as I crept into my Mothers large spacious room.
Rachelle Dove was sprawled out on her king sized bed with a martini glass lying on the bed just beyond the grasp of her hand. She looked plastic like, with all the Botox and makeup. Was this what my future held? Passing out drunk in my king sized bed, in my expensive mansion?
“Mom,” I whispered as I knelt down beside the bed. “Please wake up.”
“Hmmm,” she groaned as she slightly opened her eyes.
Suddenly in a gasp of fear, I watched as my Mother hopped up in the air slightly and rolled off the other side of the bed.
“Help!” she screamed still lying on the bed. “Help me!”
“Mom,” I yelled back. “It’s me, Hannah!”
“Huh?” she questioned dumbly.
“Your daughter Mom,” I said gently, climbing up onto the bed and crawling across the bed, into my Mother sight.
“Oh my god,” she said fumbling drunkly to get up. “I thought you were a murderer.”
“Mom?” I asked sweetly. “Can I please borrow the car?”
“Why sweetheart?” she asked as she grabbed my hands, obviously expecting me to help her up off the floor.
“To get a pizza,” I replied. “I sent the maid home early because she wasn’t feeling well.”
“Are you serious?” she said crossly. “That’s the second time this month.”
“Please?” I questioned.
“The keys in my purse,” she said as she pulled herself up onto the floor.
****
That's as far as I've gotten so far.

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Old 02-05-2007, 08:01 AM
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This may sound like a bit of a cop out, but here goes anyway...any beginning is important, as it is the thing that hooks the reader, but as this is a work in progress I wouldn't get hung up on it just now, you may find (as i often do) that once you have completed your story you may get additional ideas about the beginning.

I am currently working on a novel and my chapter one has been chapter three, and chapter five on occasions...I've spent an extortionate amount of time figuring out where the beginning is, time which i could have used to get the thing finished!
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Old 02-05-2007, 08:20 AM
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Love2Write,

You are trying too hard. It is good that you understand the beginning of a novel is the hook, and you really want to get as much as you can in the opening section so the reader wants more.

But, I disgaree, I suggest that less is more. Perhaps start in the middle of some action, dribble out the description (check out one of Starpanda's stories for a good example of dribbling info to the reader...) do it slowly, get the reader interested, not swamped.

I have read quite a few offerings in the fiction section of WB and a large proportion of the 'opening sections to novels' are so crammed full of descriptive prose that they literally grab me around the throat and try and get my interest through verbal assault (puts soapbox under desk).

Best of luck!

Tarakan
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Old 02-05-2007, 10:59 AM
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Thank you Starpanda! I understand what you mean about the begining will always be changing. It may sound strange, but when I write I need the begining because I sort of feed off of it to complete the story. Will try to just jot my ideas down and when I find a suitable begining go with it!
Thank you Tarakan, awsell. I agree that I put alot of description into it and that it is suffocating! It's hard though when writing because your peices have a bunch of different audiences to appeal to. One might say that your story doesn't have enough description and the other would say that the story has too much description. Oh well, thank you for the suggestions and I will cut some of the description out of it!
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Old 02-05-2007, 11:29 PM
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Love2Write,

I am sure you have a library of books, but here are a couple I go back to regularly;

Beginnings, Middles and Ends - Nancy Kress
Crafting Scenes - Raymond Obstfeld
Story Structure Architect - Victoria Lynn Schmidt
Self Editing for Fiction Writers- Rennie Browne/Dave King

knock yourself out!

Tarakan

A Novel in Progress - http://www.theadventuresoftarquinjenkins.blogspot.com/
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Old 02-07-2007, 08:07 AM
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Thank you tarakan for the suggestion of books. I'm not sure if they are the books for me though, as I am only in high school and my reading ability may not be to that ability. Tahnks again though, and I'll check the books out anyways!
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