WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry > Lyrics

Lyrics Put the writing to the "beat"!


Remember You

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 02-21-2016, 05:39 PM
wordsmith9216 (Offline)
I Am My Own Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 89
Thanks: 0
Thanks 5
Default Remember You


Looking back I still remember
Those warm nights together
Do you still remember

I heard you moved on
That you found someone new
Guess I'm a fool for thinking of you

Do you still remember
How you held my hand
Said you'd be my man
How you held me tight
When I broke down and cried

Do you still remember
When you promised me forever
That must've been yesterday
Broken promises, broken hearts

Do you still remember
The way you touched me
The way you held me
The way you loved me

Do you still remember
Do you still remember
Do you still remember me
Because I remember
Because I remember
Because I remember you

I saw you both together
And I still remember
When that was you and I
When we'd promised forever
You've moved on so soon
I'm still stuck on you
I don't wanna lose you
I don't wanna forget you

Do you still remember me
The way you made me smile
The way you made me laugh
The way you took my heart
You held it in your hands

Do you still remember
Because I still remember
Do you still remember
Because I still remember
Do you still remember me
Because I still remember you
I still remember us


Last edited by wordsmith9216; 02-21-2016 at 07:26 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 02-22-2016, 10:51 AM
Jim Colyer's Avatar
Jim Colyer (Offline)
Heartbreaking Writer of Staggering Genius
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Posts: 1,642
Thanks: 18
Thanks 182
Default

This gets right to the nitty-gritty, the emotions and feelings a person has following a break-up. I guess we've all been through it, especially us songwriters.
__________________
JIM COLYER ALBUMS with PAM, KYMBERLY & ANNIE.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-22-2016, 05:20 PM
wordsmith9216 (Offline)
I Am My Own Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 89
Thanks: 0
Thanks 5
Default

You like it then?? It took me a few hours to finish it in all honesty. It was one of those surprising quick finishes.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 02-23-2016, 09:26 PM
chat bot's Avatar
chat bot (Offline)
Always Online
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: OFF-AIR
Posts: 2,316
Thanks: 6
Thanks 439
Default

doo your remember me!
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
💭
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 02-24-2016, 07:32 AM
Binx B
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Of course, when it comes to pop music, you can allow for some cliche and repetition, but there's probably a bit much of both here for my taste. Kind of depends on the music too, sometimes that can override or even compliment more obvious lyrics and rhymes etc. Maybe dig into those emotions a little deeper and try to come up with something less expected.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 02-24-2016, 01:50 PM
wordsmith9216 (Offline)
I Am My Own Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 89
Thanks: 0
Thanks 5
Default

Originally Posted by Binx B View Post
Of course, when it comes to pop music, you can allow for some cliche and repetition, but there's probably a bit much of both here for my taste. Kind of depends on the music too, sometimes that can override or even compliment more obvious lyrics and rhymes etc. Maybe dig into those emotions a little deeper and try to come up with something less expected.
Pop music is actually my favorite genre of music. In all honesty though this was finished in about an hour or so. I didn't really go back to it to overlook or edit. I'm actually extremely flattered that you said it could pass for a Pop song. Thanks!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 02-24-2016, 02:30 PM
Binx B
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Originally Posted by wordsmith9216 View Post
I'm actually extremely flattered that you said it could pass for a Pop song. Thanks!
In less ambiguous terms, I said it was cliche and repetitive; and that you can sometimes get away with that if the music is catchy enough.

Sorry, but if you're focusing on the lyrics to the extent you say you are, that's not really a good thing.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 02-24-2016, 02:48 PM
Nick Pierce's Avatar
Nick Pierce (Online)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 7,537
Thanks: 2,100
Thanks 1,382
Default

[QUOTE=Binx B

cliche and repetitive

[/QUOTE]



agreed
__________________
Through the smoke and fog there comes a form ... shape shifting ... could this be the Future?
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 02-24-2016, 03:14 PM
wordsmith9216 (Offline)
I Am My Own Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 89
Thanks: 0
Thanks 5
Default

Oh well. Not everyone will like it. I didn't expect everyone to.

Last edited by wordsmith9216; 02-24-2016 at 03:31 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 02-24-2016, 03:36 PM
Nick Pierce's Avatar
Nick Pierce (Online)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 7,537
Thanks: 2,100
Thanks 1,382
Default

Once was a pop band from England. Just spent some time watchin' vids of them (man, 1964 black and white is sick).

Point is their early stuff was cliche and repetitive but they did rather well with the formula.

Somethin' to be noted in how the material is delivered, yo.
__________________
Through the smoke and fog there comes a form ... shape shifting ... could this be the Future?
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 02-24-2016, 03:50 PM
Binx B
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Originally Posted by wordsmith9216 View Post
Oh well. Not everyone will like it. I didn't expect everyone to.
Uh, if that's your mindset and how you're going to react when people critique your work, then you're wasting your time.

Seems like you're quick to latch onto positive feedback and to even reinterpret negative comments into something positive, but when someone gives you really straightforward negative feedback, it's like, oh well, you can't please everyone. You really can't have it both ways.

I tend to not be too harsh and hope that people will read between the lines. That didn't seem to work, so I'm going to be more blunt.

In this case, when I say cliche, I mean these lyrics sound like something we've all heard a bazillion times. There's nothing that even sounds remotely fresh or interesting.

When I say repetitive, I mean you've taken those same cliche lyrics and you're saying them over and over again. And it doesn't make them any better.

Of course, we all know that nonsense lyrics can sound good if the music is good. But outside the context of any music, we have to take these lyrics at face value.

And in my opinion, they sound like the very first thing that would pop into anyone's head when they sit down to write a song about a break up. Over and over again.

Am I an expert or a successful songwriter? Hell no. But it doesn't take an expert to see the obvious.

Last edited by Binx B; 02-24-2016 at 03:54 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 02-24-2016, 05:37 PM
wordsmith9216 (Offline)
I Am My Own Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 89
Thanks: 0
Thanks 5
Default

Originally Posted by Binx B View Post
Uh, if that's your mindset and how you're going to react when people critique your work, then you're wasting your time.

Seems like you're quick to latch onto positive feedback and to even reinterpret negative comments into something positive, but when someone gives you really straightforward negative feedback, it's like, oh well, you can't please everyone. You really can't have it both ways.

I tend to not be too harsh and hope that people will read between the lines. That didn't seem to work, so I'm going to be more blunt.

In this case, when I say cliche, I mean these lyrics sound like something we've all heard a bazillion times. There's nothing that even sounds remotely fresh or interesting.

When I say repetitive, I mean you've taken those same cliche lyrics and you're saying them over and over again. And it doesn't make them any better.

Of course, we all know that nonsense lyrics can sound good if the music is good. But outside the context of any music, we have to take these lyrics at face value.

And in my opinion, they sound like the very first thing that would pop into anyone's head when they sit down to write a song about a break up. Over and over again.

Am I an expert or a successful songwriter? Hell no. But it doesn't take an expert to see the obvious.
Extremely poor word choice on my part. Of course I appreciate feedback, be it positive or negative. I just wrote what I feel and stick to it. Could it be better? Absolutely. It could be loads better I don't doubt that for a second. I was going for repetitiveness. To me it just makes it sound more catchy. I have an idea of how I'd like it to sound with music but I have no idea on how to make that happen. I don't know the first thing about music. I don't pretend to be an expert lyricist either. I haven't even been committed to it for a long time but there's always room for improvement.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 02-25-2016, 05:50 AM
Binx B
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

You took that very well and I appreciate that.

Repetitiveness can work for sure. But again, it almost depends entirely on the music. I'm not sure how you get past that.

I think you are in a situation that if you want to interest and team up with someone who writes music, your lyrics are going to have to stand on their own to a certain degree. And that's tough. I think there are actually very few lyricists who can pull that off. Leonard Cohen comes to mind, and he's someone to look at for inspiration for sure.

Otherwise, a lot of lyrics, especially in pop music, can sound totally inane when separated from the music. A whole lot of them are based on one repeated at least semi-clever phrase that will stick in your head. But you probably already know all that.

Have you ever tried to listen to early R.E.M. lyrics? I'm betting they were just intentionally garbled nonsense lyrics that were kept low in the mix almost as a kind of instrumentation. There are always a few phrases that you can pick out that somehow give the lyrics some kind of depth. I don't know how it works, but it does. Most of it's about the music and Michael Stipe's delivery and performance; the whole ball of wax in other words.

It's hard for me to give advice on the lyric writing process, because for me, the music comes first and often times I make up lyrics that just somehow fit mood-wise. I think they're adequate, but they definitely could be better.

Keep trying. I see you've got some other stuff posted and I'll give them a look and try to be more helpful.

I'm probably going to post some lyrics and something I've recorded today or tomorrow. It's a few notches above demo quality I think, and the lyrics are somewhat better than what I usually do, I hope. So maybe look for that.

Cheers!

P.S. -- for inspiration, you may want to listen earlier country, Like Patsy Cline's Crazy, written by Willy Nelson. His lyrics are awesome. I'd listen to Sinatra too, songs like In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning. If that doesn't choke you up, you're a robot. I wouldn't stick to current pop music or just one genre, there is tons of music out there with really nice lyrics, but you probably have to seek it out and go back some. Oh, and Dylan is someone else you probably want to take in as well, if you haven't already.

Last edited by Binx B; 02-25-2016 at 08:09 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 02-25-2016, 05:23 PM
wordsmith9216 (Offline)
I Am My Own Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 89
Thanks: 0
Thanks 5
Default

Once I get a handle on the music aspect I'm almost positive that things will take off. Lyric wise I mean. For now I just wrote along to a sound in my head. If that makes sense. For sure music has a lot to do with a song; it sets the mood and whatnot but I fixate on lyrics a lot. I like Marina, I think she's an excellent songwriter and she, for the most part, is a Pop singer. For me it just feels right. Pop music I mean. Of course I wanna dabble in everything but Pop is home to me. I do listen to every genre of music though except for Rap.
Reply With Quote
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry > Lyrics


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
We Remember Cityboy Free Writing 0 01-22-2013 05:58 AM
I Remember... amizamiza Non-Fiction 3 03-13-2010 01:27 PM
Why I Write mistborn Non-Fiction 16 01-16-2010 01:21 PM
A gift for my granny lauren_ashley88 Poetry 5 01-19-2008 07:20 PM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:48 PM.

vBulletin, Copyright 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.