good flow
two things threw me, screwed up piece of paper and flash of thunder. I can't see a screwed up piece of paper, wadded up, yes, or mangled but not screwed up, and thunder rolls, lightning flashes.
interesting concept too.
max
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if you're writing over your readers head - tum etiam, ut graece scribens --- the secret of success changes;the truth of failure remains constant; if you try to please everyone you will fail.
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