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Prompt #1 - Just beyond the edge of the woods...

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Old 05-24-2012, 07:24 PM
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Default Prompt #1 - Just beyond the edge of the woods...


Just beyond the edge of the woods there was this log-cabin, I know very cliché, but that’s what it was. This thing was covered in cobwebs, the spiders that made them, and blood, lots of blood. It dripped from the ceiling down the walls to the floor in every room of the place. It pooled into puddles that coagulated long ago. The place looked like it was assaulted by an abstract painter who was upset he only had crimson paint.

The floor boards were loose, because things were hidden under them, of course. Underneath the wooden floors covered by dusty old carpets was a serial-killer memorabilia collection: bones, some broken, some not; knives of various lengths, widths, and sharpness – all of them carefully rid of fingerprints; gloves, all of them black leather of the same size; hair, victims only; and teeth, again victims only. The gloves were all the same size because adult hands don’t change size, unless you cut the fingers off, but I digress.

Over the years there had been many different screams in the house. Some of the victims were sacrifices; others were just unlucky game, sometimes both. I was both, normally.

I was being chased this time by some creature that didn’t even need anything from the kit under the floor. It had razor sharp teeth, razor sharp claws, and all that. It ran on its feet, upright like a man, and it spoke, sort of, something like a gargling and hissing. I was slipping and falling around every corner, unseen things tripping me, twisting my ankle, etc. Right as the thing got over me, drooling and cutting my stomach open with its claws, BAM.

04:45 AM, read the alarm clock, and right when it was getting good.

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Old 06-10-2012, 05:37 PM
maidahl
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The idea for your ending is great! Your writing sounds a little young though, and I can give you examples.
here was this log-cabin, I know very cliché, but that’s what it was.
It sounds like you are chit-chatting with your friends.
The floor boards were loose, because things were hidden under them, of course.
Is the "of course" part sarcastic and scared? I assume so, but I'm not sure.

The transition when you're suddenly being chased by the creature that, confusingly, doesn't need the floor-stuff, seemed abrupt to me. Does the creature normally use the floor-stuff even though it has claws and fangs? Who uses that stuff? Sorry. Curious.The tone is casual, which can work. You're very creative and dark, though!

Last edited by maidahl; 06-10-2012 at 05:39 PM..
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