The good boy
They call me ĎChristopherí. They tell me Iím fourteen. I donít know, and I donít care. All the same to me.
So my name is Christopher. And Iím fourteen.
I like blood.
They donít want me liking blood because itís weird, itís monstrous. But I still do. Because itís only thing that is still the same, only thing that still feels like home. Blood is nourishing and comforting. It swishes around the body, carrying life within itself. Until I bite down and bring it to the surface. Until it splashes over my face and I lick it up, savoring the taste. Itís wet, sticky and warm. Itís only thing familiar in this new world, only thing keeping me connected to my roots, to my home.
This place is so different, but yet my role stays the same. Doesnít it? Just make them bleed. Just make them bleed. You can play with them all you want later. As long as you make them bleed, as long as you make them scream.
I canít deny that its fun to be in charge for once. Whether they die quickly or slowly, itís all up too me.
Are they going to suffer?
Are they going to choke on their own blood?
Will they beg and brake?
Will they die not uttering a word?
Itís so much fun.
Master never allowed me to play with food like this. It was always business, business, business. But that gets dull. Itís boring to always kill on the same pattern, in the same way. Itís boring to shiver in the corner, until Master calls. Itís boring to be a puppet; itís boring to be a slave.
But what can you do?
Itís the life I was designed for.
Iím a good boy.
I wonít complain. I wonít rebel. Iíll follow my orders.
Iím a good boy.
A good boy.
But it was never enough to be a good boy. Was it?
No matter how good I was, no matter how quiet I was, no matter how many I killed, no matter how many times I spread my legsÖ
Master was never happy with me.
I donít understand why.
I donít think Iíll ever understand why.
I guess, I just wasnít good enough.
Just wasnít perfect.
I was good, but not perfect, so Master got bored of me. So Master threw me away.
I couldnít even say I was sorryÖ
I always am.
I always will be.
I was the best boy I could be, Master. I just wanted you to be happy, to be proud of me. I just wanted you to praise me. Tell me I did well. Just once. Just once. I already memorized all the insults and curses and swears. I already felt your fists on my stomach, your spit on my face. I just wanted to hear your praise, feel your hand on my shoulder. Just once. Just once.
I was the best boy I couldíve been.
And Iím sorry that wasnít enough.
Master is gone now. I donít know where he left, nor will he ever return for me. I hope he does, but I think he wonít. Iím a disappointment, a failure, after all. Why would he waste his time on me? Iím not worth it. Iím not worth Masterís time, just as I was not worth his praise.
Lee is in charge now.
I donít like Lee.
He doesnít understand anything. He hits me even if I did nothing wrong, he doesnít let me eat and he lets other people touch me where only my Master is allowed to touch me. He calls me a monster, but heís a one himself. He doesnít respect Masterís rules. He doesnít even know Masterís rules. He just likes hitting me.
I hate Lee, but heís in charge now, so I canít kill him now. But heíll never take Masterís place, I wonít let him. I love Master and I hate Lee. Masterís rules make sense, Lee doesnít have rules. Not the ones that make sense, at least. But one day, Lee wonít be in charge anymore. One day, I wonít have to listen to him anymore. That day will come, I know that and he knows that. Thatís why heís trying to turn me into his slave. But it wonít work. Iím only loyal to my master. It wonít work. Iíll survive until that day and thenÖIíll kill him. And heíll scream and Iíll make him cry and it will all be good again. Itíll all be good againÖ
Itís not all bad here though.
Lee lets me play. Because he doesnít care. Master cared about quickness and efficiency of the job done. Lee just wants it done. So I can do it however I want.
I like to take it slow. Brake their legs and arms first so they canít run, so they canít fight. Then finger by finger, inch by inch, I make them scream, I make them bleed. I like it. Itís fun. So much fun. Especially those that touched me, just because Lee let them do it. They broke Masterís rule, they touched me, touched meÖThey never think Iíll remember. Because Lee drugged me for it so I canít fight. But I remember. I always remember. And I make them suffer for disrespecting my Master. For touching me like that, when Iím only his to be touched. It feels good. It feels good to take revenge. I hope Master will be proud of meÖif he ever comes back. BecauseÖbecause I always stayed loyal to him. Only him.
Iím still doing my best, even if he isnít here to see it.
Iím still being a good boy, a best boy I can be.
Itís hard and it hurts, but I have to do it. Even if Master never comes backÖeven if he never sees how good and loyal Iím beingÖI still have to do it.
Master is not here to protect me anymore. I canít run and hide behind him. I canít shiver in the corner drenched in red and white. I canít. Not anymore. I have to fight, I have to fight and kill. Because Master would want thatÖBecause, because he wants that andÖand thatís why he left me, right, so I can get stronger, right? He didnít need me weak, so he sent me hear to get stronger.
Yeah, thatís right. It makes sense, does it not? Itís according to rules, is it not?
Once I become strong enough, once I kill everyone whose braking his rules and disrespecting him, once I prove my loyalty, heÖheíll come back.
And heíll finally be proud of me, heíll pet me and tell me that I did well, that Iím a good boy. And everything will go back to the way it was. Just me and Master. Everything making sense and being logical once again.
So I just have to hold on a little bit longer, just a tiny bit longer.
I just have to finish up the job here and heíll come back.
Heíll come back for me.
Be kind to people on your way up, you may need them on your way down
Better to light a candle then to curse the darkness