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Colorblind Carolyn [666 Shades of Gray]

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Old 12-03-2012, 06:32 PM
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Default Colorblind Carolyn [666 Shades of Gray]


It was yet another day of disappointment for Carolyn Nicks. Work had been a madhouse, as usual, and after eight hours of being berated by customers who had been glued to their iPhones, she had had enough. Finally, the clock struck seven PM, and she was free.

Carolyn gathered her things, consisting of a coffee mug and a bottle of water to wash down the Klonopin she would soon be taking, and she headed out into the gray evening.

She found her gray compact SUV, amongst a sea of gray vehicles, only to find a large gray "Final Warning" sticker pasted to her window, threatening to tow and impound her car if she were to park in that spot again, her favorite spot. Carolyn sighed an exhausted sigh, muttered a few curses, and got into her car.

One milligram of Klonopin (the gray kind), check. Music, check. Marlboro Gray 100's, check. Reverse, definitely a check. Without so much as signaling or even looking, for Christ's sake, Carolyn began her commute home. She hopped on the gray Interstate, with all of the other gray assholes, rushing to get home to their gray wives and a gray feast sitting upon their dinner tables.

Exit 41, at last. Only two more minutes of back roads, and Carolyn would be home. The traffic light turned from Dark gray to light gray, and Carolyn accelerated hard. A left here, a right there, and she was home.

She quickly grabbed her things, locked her gray compact SUV and headed up the front walk towards her gray home. It was about seven-thirty PM. The sky was almost black now.

Fumbling with her keys in the lock, Carolyn finally entered her house. No one was home, as usual; it was pitch black. She turned on a light to reveal a gray staircase, and she ascended it straight to her bedroom.

Again, blackness. And again, the revealing of a gray room. Her bedroom was her sanctuary. She didn't leve it very often, other than to grab some coffee or to change her bong water. The walls had been painted a shitty color of gray, ever since she had moved in eight months prior, but Carolyn never got around to painting her walls the color of gray she had really wanted. She had a strong tendency to procrastinate, which included checking her grey flip phone for any contact from the outside world, a rare occurrence for Carolyn's phone. But the curiosity overtook her concentration, and Carolyn reached for her phone.

A look of shock came over her face--- Five text messages! How exciting. She read them one by one.

The first from her father. He just wanted to borrow her car and take advantage of her employee discount. Great.
The second from her younger of two older brothers. He was responding to Carolyn's text of dismay with his taking her new lighter. All he could muster was, "Sorry?". Thanks.

The third from a new guy Carolyn had met recently, and with whom she had potential plans with later that evening. Eagerly, she opened it to find that he had to cancel, due to his being busy with something else. Oh well. Another night alone wouldn't kill Carolyn. Her bottle of Klonopin might do the trick, though.

She opened the fourth from the older of her two brothers. He explained that his new job took priority in his life now, and that was the reason why he would not be coming home for Christmas. He hadn't been home for the holidays in years. So much for family.

Opening the fifth and final message, Carolyn hoped for some semi-positive contact, after her disappointment in the last four. But there was no luck for Carloyn. It was from a guy she had been seeing, until she finally broke it off the night before, due to his psychotic tendencies. It was a five page long message of him bitching and moaning at her about how he loved her, and how it wasn't fair, and how it didn't make sense, and yadda, yadda, yadda.

Carolyn put her phone down ad picked up her bong. "I guess it's just you and I tonight," she said. After changing out of her gray uniform and in to her plaid, gray pajamas, Carolyn sat on her bed and sighed a sigh of relief: To be home, to be in the comfort of good music, and, for Christ's sake, to be alone. She plucked a hairy, dense, gray nugget from her jar and popped it in her bowl. She wasn't going to bother with the grinder tonight. Carolyn inhaled deeply many times until she was good and stoned.

She lay in bed and shut off the light. Blackness. The thinking began. Carolyn always thought up a storm before bed. Sometimes took hours for sleep to come. Tonight was different, however. She thought of the mistakes she had made, of the disappointment she had accrued, and the absolute blindness and stupidity she had demonstrated of recent date. Then a thought occurred to her. "I must be colorblind, because I can never see any of these Red Flags," and Carolyn fell into a deep gray slumber.


Last edited by old dog; 12-03-2012 at 06:35 PM..
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Old 12-03-2012, 10:22 PM
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Written by someone that is depressed or has suffered from depression?

I'm not familiar with anyone who smokes weed AND takes Klonopin. Wondering what the effects would actually be?

It's a good start to something more- not really a short story.
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Old 12-04-2012, 05:36 AM
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Icon7 re

You hit the nail on the head, there.

And, boy, are the effects great.

Thanks for your input. I'm pretty new to writing fiction, and I agree, there is a lot more to this "story" I had in mind; might help make it more so of one. Wasn't sure how to work it in at this point, though.
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Old 12-04-2012, 12:04 PM
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Originally Posted by old dog View Post
You hit the nail on the head, there.

And, boy, are the effects great.

Thanks for your input. I'm pretty new to writing fiction, and I agree, there is a lot more to this "story" I had in mind; might help make it more so of one. Wasn't sure how to work it in at this point, though.
To me, this would be in the middle of a story. Take out the beginning ("It was yet another day of disappointment for Carolyn Nicks") and you could definitely insert it into a separate part of a story or novelette. I know you were trying to use the color gray a lot to get across to the readers how depressed and disappointed the main character is, but maybe use it less, and put in a description of how "gray" her life is and go from there.
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Old 12-04-2012, 03:54 PM
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Originally Posted by girlmeetspen View Post
I know you were trying to use the color gray a lot to get across to the readers how depressed and disappointed the main character is, but maybe use it less, and put in a description of how "gray" her life is and go from there.
My use of the color gray was more to stress that fact that Carolyn was colorblind. Everything grey mentioned in the story would be red or green to a person with normal vision.

Last edited by old dog; 12-04-2012 at 04:02 PM..
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Old 12-05-2012, 04:50 AM
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Hm, interesting perspective here. Do you know someone who is color blind who also sees avery thing in shades of grey? I'm just asking this because the people i know who i know and are color blind also see green, red, and brown. The thing that made them color blind is that what they call red, per se, is not what most would call red. Anyway, just something to think about.

I thought the use of "grey" was alright. However, since you have stressed it so much, the reader can already infer that the character doesn't see the same as a normal person. Because of this, I think it's unnecessary to actually mention the term "color blind" in the last line. However, I do think to make this into a short story, you could write more about the interactions between the characters. Otherwise, it's a good start, just make sure you have a catchy beginning and ending.
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Old 12-05-2012, 05:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Elisa/win View Post
Do you know someone who is color blind who also sees avery thing in shades of grey? I'm just asking this because the people i know who i know and are color blind also see green, red, and brown. The thing that made them color blind is that what they call red, per se, is not what most would call red.
I don't actually know anyone who is colorblind, but it was my belief they saw certain colors in gray. Will do more research next time.

Thank you for the feedback.
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Old 12-06-2012, 09:47 AM
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I understand that 'gray' would accentuate Caroline's mood and state of mind, and give an added tone to the story. But I think the same effect could be had if 'gray' had been used less. For this reader 'gray' was a little distracting and I began to anticipate it. Sure enough, there it was again...and again.

'Red flags' was a nice touch after so much gray. I thought that her awareness of not seeing red flags might be an indication that she would be more aware in the future, and there might be a glimmer of happiness ahead of her. Maybe not. The piece was well-written and had a good pace. Good work.
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Old 12-07-2012, 02:20 PM
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Originally Posted by alcarty View Post
'Red flags' was a nice touch after so much gray. I thought that her awareness of not seeing red flags might be an indication that she would be more aware in the future, and there might be a glimmer of happiness ahead of her.
Yea, I guess that's the overall message I was trying to get across. I'm new to this, can't you tell :] Thanks for the input.
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Old 12-10-2012, 11:27 AM
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Love it!
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Old 12-10-2012, 04:16 PM
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Dear OldDog,

As a Counselor by profession, I see someone who has a Klonopin addiction. This would cause her to emotionally see things in her world without much emotion. Color exudes emotion as well as the flavor of life. Just as morphine causes the user to feel less pain, the Klonopin is causing Carolyn to see no color or flavor in her life.

Sometimes the cure for depression, if misused can be worse than the depression itself because everything is an emotional gray. I think that came across quite well. Good effort. I also think that the other suggestions from the writers that posted are worth taking to heart.

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Old 12-12-2012, 08:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Gritsy View Post
As a Counselor by profession, I see someone who has a Klonopin addiction. This would cause her to emotionally see things in her world without much emotion. Color exudes emotion as well as the flavor of life. Just as morphine causes the user to feel less pain, the Klonopin is causing Carolyn to see no color or flavor in her life.
Hey Gritsy--

I'm starting to think that Carolyn has an addiction to Klonopin, also. I suppose that would make sense with her making it a priority and taking it very first thing after work, rather than lighting up a cigarette or turning on her music first.

Very interesting to get some feedback from a professional. Thank you for your input.

--old dog
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