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Contest Results | Fiction | Freedom (July 2006)

 
 
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Old 07-31-2006, 11:13 PM
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Default Contest Results | Fiction | Freedom (July 2006)


On behalf of all the judges, I'd just like to thank everyone who participated in the first Writer's Beat Monthly Competition. We hope you enjoyed writing the entries as much as we enjoyed reading them.

FINAL RESULTS

Xfacktor 17.9
Darthwader 15.8
gary wagner 13.9
Spark 13.8


Originally Posted by Icarus' Scores
Work: Wounded Pride
Author: darthwader

Very interesting. This wasn’t doing much for me until I figured out the narrator was a bullet. Then it really came alive and things made sense. I’d never thought about what a bullet might think were it capable of thinking, so this ended up being quite thought-provoking. There were a couple trademark comical statements that I’m not sure how to respond to – I guess they didn’t detract too much or I would feel more strongly about them! I did, however, feel that you could have chosen a better voice. I didn’t like that the bullet seemed to be talking to someone as though that someone was sharing his cell.

Mechanics: 4.5
Intangibles: 4
Overall Impression: 8.5

Score: 17/20


Work: Untitled
Author: Spark

This was all a bit predictable, mainly because you make it very clear that something is going to happen the next day. And it suffers a bit from information dump when Joey is thinking in bed. I also had a hard time believing him. He didn’t seem that depressed or downtrodden. What I’m trying to say is that, for me, his actions and his thoughts didn’t match. Also, I always like to see a title, especially for an official submission.

Mechanics: 4.5
Intangibles: 3.5
Overall Impression: 6

Score: 14/20


Work: Like Father, Like Son
Author: Xfacktor

A bit sappy, perhaps, but it worked. An interesting and unusual way to approach the subject of war. Refreshing and well-written. I was, however, a bit thrown-off by what appears to be Sam’s father’s perspective during those 2 short paragraphs. I think you could have found a better way to incorporate those thoughts without going back in time with a dead character.

Mechanics: 5
Intangibles: 4.5
Overall Impression: 9

Score: 18.5/20


Work: Untitled
Author: gary_wagner

I was a bit put-off by all the whining done by the main character. Obviously, that was the point: he was fed up. But I wasn’t exactly sympathizing with him. Though maybe that was a good thing. And one should always title one’s work!

Mechanics: 4
Intangibles: 3.5
Overall Impression: 7

Score: 14.5/20


Thanks to all of you for taking the time to participate and making our first fiction contest a success! I really enjoyed reading your submissions.
Originally Posted by Kalibantre's Scores
Member: darthwader
Title: wounded pride

Mechanics: 4
Intangibles: 3
Overall Impression: 8

Score: 15
Comments:
The first person POV was both witty and engaging but at times intrusive. "Argh I can see sunlight..." didn't really work for me. I would lose the opening paragrpah and begin with the next one as it was much stronger and had me hooked by the end of it. This wa sbloody mental, I enjoyed it and think I understood it.

Member: spark
Title: untitled

Mechanics: 4
Intangibles: 4
Overall Impression: 6

Score: 16
Comments:
Interesting concept, but I felt the piece needed to be longer to truly explore it. IT felt rushed as you slipped into the evil telling and not showing style of writing, especially towards the end. The narrative was a little shaky there was little set up for Joey's actions, I don't think the abrupt nature worked for the piece, however you did have a few nice character insights.

Member: Xfacktor
Title: Like Father, Like Son

Mechanics: 5
Intangibles: 5
Overall Impression: 9

Score: 19
Comments:
All I saw was one minor mistake. they're in the last paragraph should have been there. I really enjoyed reading this, while the narrative was a little predictable, the take upon the theme "freedom" was refreshing. Wonderful transitions between the family at home and the man at war. The story had many oppurtunities to turn cliche but didn't, it remained fresh.

Member: gary wagner
Title: untitled

Mechanics: 4
Intangibles: 3
Overall Impression: 7

Score: 14
Comments:
While being technically word perfect, I felt so little for the character. He just whined, and didn't do a whole lot about it. THen died and nothing within me stirred. I actually didn't believe this was yours when I read it, but nevermind. Guess I've just put you on a pedestal (lucky I judged these withut names) however I did love the last sentence. Redeemed the piece for me

Thanks for submitting guys!
Originally Posted by aprilrain's Scores
Title: Wounded Pride
Author: darthwader

If there is one thing I love, it is a surprise ending that I had no idea was coming. I was only mildly concerned and sympathetic with this character until the end, and at that point, the story took on a whole new energy for me. I immediately reread it to see what clues I had missed. I also enjoyed the conversational tone, although I felt there was a depth and emotion within the character’s description of events that wasn’t quite there (though I am taking the word count into account). Great work.

Mechanics: 4
Intangibles: 4
Overall Impression: 9

Score: 17/20

Title:
Untitled
Author: Spark

I assumed that he was going to quit his job and take off on a road trip or something, so I wasn’t expecting the jolt of murder. I enjoyed being surprised by that turn of events, but I would have liked to have seen more motivation behind his actions beyond his musings the night before. I sensed a lot of “telling” on your part to lead us up to the main action when I think a prior event (the last straw, so to speak) that actually sparked his behavior would have been more effective.

Mechanics: 4
Intangibles: 3
Overall Impression: 7

Score: 14/20


Title:
Like Father, Like Son
Author: Xfacktor

I enjoyed the story and the interaction between grandfather and son. I also thought the way in which the grandfather made the boy question war was well-done, causing the young boy to come to his own conclusions rather than it being fed to him. My only real issue with this piece was the jumping points of view--from grandpa to grandma to son back to grandpa back to grandma. This made it too jumpy for me.

Mechanics: 5
Intangibles: 3
Overall Impression: 7

Score: 15/20


Title: Untitled
Author: gary_wagner

Boy, this guy wasn’t happy about anything, was he? As the story went on, I became less sympathetic with him and more amused by his ability to find fault with everything. Had it gone much longer, though, the fault-finding would have become annoying. I was also amused that he was defiant to the very end, even about what Heaven had in store for him. A few grammatical/punctuation errors brought the score down a little.

Mechanics: 3
Intangibles: 4
Overall Impression: 7

Score: 14/20
Originally Posted by Titania's Scores
darthwader: Wounded Pride

Mechanics: 4
Intangibles: 4

Overall Impression: 7

It definitely took me a bit to understand this one. At times the first person narrative bothered me a little; it seemed too much like the bullet was complaining and I wasn't really sure why I cared, although I have a bit of a prejudice against first person in general. It was clever though, and unique enough that I liked it (particularly on later read-throughs to see the clues I missed the first time). Good work overall.

Total – 15/20

- - - - -

Spark: Untitled

Mechanics: 4
Intangibles: 3

Overall Impression: 5

The ending surprised me that's for sure. Hm. I felt like a couple parts of it ended up being a bit of an info-dump (although I know it's difficult to fit in characterization with such a small word count), and maybe that the idea behind it was almost too big and broad for it to work well. As far as mechanics, etc., though, well done and well written; the shortness and abruptness was really the main problem. You might try expanding it sometime, or revising; it has potential.

Total – 12/20

- - - - -

xfacktor: Like Father, like Son

Mechanics: 4
Intangibles: 5

Overall Impression: 9

I really liked this piece... the changing viewpoints in the middle made it a bit confusing, and I think there must have been some other way to pull of the part, in particular, with his father's view, but overall I liked the unique perspective and subject and it was well written. There were a few small tense issues but nothing major. Good job.

Total – 18/20

- - - - -

gary_wagner: Untitled

Mechanics: 3
Intangibles: 3

Overall Impression: 7

The tone of this one got on my nerves after a while - although I'm sure that was part of the intent. And it was very realistic. The end was rather nice, and, well, it fit with the piece. A couple of small things but other than that well written technically and I believe you pulled off what you intended, but it wasn't really my sort of thing.

Total – 13/20

- - - - -
Originally Posted by Oasis Writer's Scores
darthwader: Wounded Pride

Mechanics: 4
Intangibles: 3
Overall Impression: 8

Wasn't bad at all: liked the flow, keep my interested, a few things that really sorta pulled my attention, but nothing to big. Overall, nice.

Total – 15/20
***
Spark: Untitled

Mechanics: 3
Intangibles: 4
Overall Impression: 6

A nice story with a few twists that really helped. A lot of info in places but that wasn't too bad. Just a few errors that really sorta took away points. Not bad, maybe something you could expand off of.

Total – 13/20
***
xfacktor: Like Father, like Son

Mechanics: 5
Intangibles: 5
Overall Impression: 9

Absolutely stellar. I loved it.

Total – 19/20
***
gary_wagner: Untitled

Mechanics: 4
Intangibles: 3
Overall Impression: 7

Very interesting story. I agree on the tone, it was very iffy for me but otherwise, not too bad. Nice read.

Total – 14/20

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  #2  
Old 07-31-2006, 11:24 PM
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So close, yet miles off XD

Congrats to Xfacktor, and thanks to the judges for their time.
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Old 08-01-2006, 05:00 AM
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Enters to loud applause

"I'd like to thank all of you who've given me support over the years. But, most importantly, I'd like to thank my wife and children who..."

Oh, wait, I thought this was the Oscar's.

Seriously though, thanks to the judges for taking the time to read all of the submissions. It's quite an honor to win the award.
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Old 08-01-2006, 06:54 AM
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Thanks, everyone for reading and reviewing my story. This has been an interesting experience. Congratulations, Xfacktor, I really enjoyed your story.
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Old 08-01-2006, 07:57 AM
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Thanks, guys. I learned a lot.

Congrats to xfactor.
 

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