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believe

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  #1  
Old 07-19-2018, 06:06 AM
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Default believe


a broken promise
is an old time crevice
not new to novice

to think of all the words
the mind
traces to entice
the receptacle
is spectacle

there is nothing
more convincing
then a voice pulling
all the strings
Mozart in the background is
mullard
the notes have gone fubard
and the face
a spring of roses
not a thorn in places
the senses deflate and race
to believe is an extract
from the Pogues
it is sitting on top of the world
should it fall from grace
it is ready to unleash the
blaze

indolence is an iceberg for the brave

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a lesson in
life is a pound
in sound
it reminds us
it is expensive a fine
so bear one
in mind

Last edited by Nacia; 07-20-2018 at 04:12 PM..
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Old 07-19-2018, 08:33 PM
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I'm surprised you know what fubar is, Nacia.
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Mr. Ed said I should use his signature, since he's not anymore. In honor of his good friend Nok, here it is: "As far as smoking a cigar," she said, "I'd not know where to start or how to start." "It's simple," said I, "You light one end and chew on the other and hope to meet in the middle."
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Old 07-20-2018, 02:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Prodigalson View Post
I'm surprised you know what fubar is, Nacia.
I do indeed. Who doesn't. The movie did it.
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a lesson in
life is a pound
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it is expensive a fine
so bear one
in mind
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Old 07-20-2018, 04:07 PM
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https://youtu.be/4BsiF-x1ttk
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Old 07-20-2018, 04:13 PM
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Didnít realize you were this punk dear. Still think youíve misjudged peaches, though.
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Old 07-20-2018, 04:18 PM
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Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
Didnít realize you were this punk dear. Still think youíve misjudged peaches, though.
LOL misjudged peaches? how?
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it is expensive a fine
so bear one
in mind
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Old 07-20-2018, 05:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Nacia View Post
a broken promise
is an old time crevice
not new to novice

to think of all the words
the mind
traces to entice
the receptacle
is spectacle

there is nothing
more convincing
then a voice pulling
all the strings
Mozart in the background is
mullard
the notes have gone fubard
and the face
a spring of roses
not a thorn in places
the senses deflate and race
to believe is an extract
from the Pogues
it is sitting on top of the world
should it fall from grace
it is ready to unleash the
blaze

indolence is an iceberg for the brave
I prefer it as it progresses, the first two stanzas are too bitty for my liking. They feel like a stutter without intention. Then towards the end it hits a flow, and then it ends.
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  #8  
Old 07-20-2018, 05:38 PM
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Ask Proddy... heíll explain it to you.
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Old 07-20-2018, 05:40 PM
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Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
Ask Proddy... heíll explain it to you.
Ok?
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Old 07-20-2018, 05:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
Ok?


Or, since chinspinner is back, you can ask him.
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Old 07-20-2018, 05:58 PM
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I'm out of explanations right now.
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Mr. Ed said I should use his signature, since he's not anymore. In honor of his good friend Nok, here it is: "As far as smoking a cigar," she said, "I'd not know where to start or how to start." "It's simple," said I, "You light one end and chew on the other and hope to meet in the middle."
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  #12  
Old 07-21-2018, 02:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Prodigalson View Post
I'm out of explanations right now.
LOL no worries I am sure I can manage.
__________________
a lesson in
life is a pound
in sound
it reminds us
it is expensive a fine
so bear one
in mind
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 07-21-2018, 02:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
I prefer it as it progresses, the first two stanzas are too bitty for my liking. They feel like a stutter without intention. Then towards the end it hits a flow, and then it ends.
Hello there Chinspinner and thank you for the feedback.
I agree the first two need reworking. They don't feel quite right.
I will see if I can improve them.
Cheers again
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life is a pound
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it is expensive a fine
so bear one
in mind
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