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fallen

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Old 04-10-2007, 08:56 AM
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Default fallen


fallen
an angel once fell from grace born from light protected from the sins of man
who has grown up alone with notmuch left to loose this beauty with a broken heart and
shatterd dreams who found a fallen wraith as lost as him he had nothing to loose and a heart
full of sorrow lifted up from the flames of hell whom once lead the damned now see's peace

with this fallen beauty an angel with shining blue eyes of clarity held in the arms of a
broken man she stares into his soul shrouded by sorrow and hidden in the darkness
with a meloncholly state of mind but she still holds on with him till the end hand in hand
fallen from grace with a final kiss

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  #2  
Old 04-10-2007, 09:21 AM
gary_wagner
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You have some good writing here but it is hard to pull it out because this poem is in desperate need of spell checking, meaningful line breaks, and punctuation. If you have the free Google IE toolbar, a spell checker is included with it. As far as line breaks, those are up to you but they should end each line with a word you want to stand out and emphasize what you said on that line. Punctuation should follow normal rules of all writing.

Here is a suggested edit:

An angel once fell from grace, born
from light, protected
from sins of man,
who has grown up alone;
little left to lose, this beauty.

Broken heart and shattered dreams
who found a fallen wraith as lost as he -
nothing to lose, a heart full of sorrow,
lifted up from the flames of hell;
once lead the damned, now sees peace.

With this fallen beauty an angel -
shining blue eyes of clarity held
in the arms of a broken man, she stares
into his soul shrouded by sorrow, hidden
in the darkness with melancholy
state of mind but still holds on with him
until the end, hand in hand, fallen
from grace with a final kiss.
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