WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Writer's Beat Quarterly > Contest Central > Previous Contests


Contest Results | Non-Fiction | Unspecified (February 2007)

 
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 03-02-2007, 08:59 AM
Icarus's Avatar
Icarus (Offline)
Out of the Park
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,793
Thanks: 0
Thanks 3
Default Contest Results | Non-Fiction | Unspecified (February 2007)


Congratulations to OnceUponATime on a great win! The high quality of these submissions is clear – the top two were only two-tenths of a point apart.

Final Order of Finish:
1. OnceUponATime – 19.4
2. gary_wagner – 19.2
3. starrwriter – 18
4. citizen – 17.5
5. kal – 17.1
6. josiehenley – 17
7. Mr. Baatard – 15.8
8. Toyzrock – 15
Novu – 15
9. uvachick – 14.8
10. Roblaforce – 13.8


Individual scores and comments are below.


Originally Posted by BreezyWriter View Post
Member: Uvachick
Title: Pokemon
Mechanics: 5 /5
Intangibles: 5 /5
Overall Impression: 8 /10
Comments: It was well written no tangible errors but near the end it could have been written a little differently.
Ex.: elementary age school children - elementary means school
It's now a children's entertainment staple here in America and globally…. What is underlined could be removed because globally is everywhere.
Score: 18/20
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member: Toyzrock
Title: Angel Investors or Hell's disciples
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4 /5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Comments: Nicely written, it feels unfinished. Did he get it invented, what happened to the product? There where a few words too many.
Score: 17/20
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Member: Mr. Baatard
Title: The Sad Girl
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 3 /5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Comments: Way too much repetition, this is but one of several, also it is the one that stuck out the most. -- She dresses the way he wants her to, carries herself the way he wants her to, and probably speaks the way he wants her to. It could have been better written: She dresses, speaks and carries herself the way he wants her to.
Score: 15 /20
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member: Novu
Title: Wordplay
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4 /5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Comments: Sometimes felt like an action play. It seemed to vague from wordplay to action play to word play again.
Score: 17/20
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member: OnceUponATime
Title: When Grandma Walks
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10
Comments: Well worth being voted for the contest.
Score: 20/20
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member: Gary_wrangler
Title: Danglers
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10 /10
Comments: Yet again you have managed to show how good you are.
Score: 20 /20
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member: Josiehenley
Title: Stonehenge
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: Nicely written though it would have been nice to know more of what the place looked like. Cathedral and religion can perform their rituals these two distinct writings give me different meanings. Cathedral: Huge, gold, detailed art work etc. while religion can perform their rituals: Gives the impression of rough stone, outdoors, a cult place of worship.
Score: 18/20
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member: Roblaforce
Title: The Most Dangerous Site on the Web!
Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: Nice though in the beginning when it was time to get the son at the airport then the drum set. The process of the writing was somewhat bewildering. To bad for some repetition. Made me laugh at the end.
Score: 15/20
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member: Starrwriter
Title: A Dream of the Amazon
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10 /10
Comments: Nicely written.
Score: 20/20
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member: Kal
Title: Exploring Liverpudlian Arts
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: You may just be starting out but you are also doing a good job of describing things. And you have managed to give closure on one discription before starting on another. Good work
Score: 19/20
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Member: Citizen
Title: Things That Make You Shudder
Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: Very descriptive. A good way to write something making sure we get the real menaing behind the words.
Score: 19/20

Originally Posted by aprilrain View Post
Member: Uvachick
Title: Pokemon

Mechanics: 3.5 /5
Intangibles: 4 /5
Overall Impression: 7.5 /10
Comments: I'll be honest with you--when I read the title, I wasn't eager to read on since Pokemon holds no interest for me, but I must say that you impressed me. I learned something about it without feeling overwhelmed or force fed. It flowed nicely and was well written. Now I know a little bit about what all the kids are so crazy about. Do put punctuation inside of quotes, though.
Score: 15/20

--------------------------
Member: Toyzrock
Title: Angel Investors or Hell's disciples

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 4 /5
Overall Impression: 7.5/10
Comments: I liked this, but I was never able to grasp its purpose. It seemed biographical at times, informal and colloquial at others, informational of a new product toward the end. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to take away from it.
Score: 15/20
---------------------------

Member: Mr. Baatard
Title: The Sad Girl

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4 /5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Comments: That's a lot to glean from an advertisement, but quite perceptive nonetheless. Most girls would see that photo and want to be her in that scene with the wealth and handsome man, etc., so your take on it is a good wake-up call to be your own person. The structure seemed formal toward the end, and the separate points probably could have been combined.
Score: 16 /20
---------------------------
Member: Novu
Title: Wordplay

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4 /5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Comments: Very poetic and personal. You have captured the struggles a writer has with his own words and even his own muse. Some of it seemed hidden from view, like a poet who wants to leave his words open to interpretation, which was frustrating at times. Overall, nice.
Score: 16/20
----------------------------
Member: OnceUponATime
Title: When Grandma Walks

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: You did a great job of building up the suspense. Just like the townspeople, the reader is curious about Grandma's motives. What a strong lady--you chose your subject well.
Score: 19/20
-------------------------
Member: Gary_wrangler
Title: Danglers

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10 /10
Comments: Laugh-out-loud funny and masterfully told. Most people repress memories like that, but you shamelessly air them for our enjoyment. Thank you for that.
Score: 20 /20
-------------------------
Member: Josiehenley
Title: Stonehenge

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Comments: I not only learned something about this ancient site, but I am convinced of your arguments, so job well done. To tell the truth, I didn't realize there was emotion and controversy attached to what seems like an architectural oddity. Besides, I thought aliens built it. Just kidding. Great job.
Score: 17/20
--------------------------
Member: Roblaforce
Title: The Most Dangerous Site on the Web!

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Comments: Rambling and off-topic for sure, but it was fun all the same. At times, it seemed like you were going out of your way for a laugh, but others were spot on (the conversation at the airport). Not sure what I learned about Craig's List, but I enjoyed this.
Score: 15/20
--------------------------
Member: Starrwriter
Title: A Dream of the Amazon

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8 /10
Comments: Your disappointment in not realizing this dream is palpable, but perhaps your travels one day will allow you to see what is or is not there. The tangent about "the jerk" notwithstanding, you had my attention throughout.
Score: 17/20
---------------------------
Member: Kal
Title: Exploring Liverpudlian Arts

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8.5/10
Comments: This almost reads like a piece from a travel magazine, and a sign of good travel writing is to make the reader want to go there and experience what you have experienced. I'm ready to pack my bags, so you succeeded.
Score: 17.5/20
----------------------------
Member: Citizen
Title: Things That Make You Shudder

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8.5/10
Comments: But did you have to ruin it for everyone?!?! Wow, that's quite the experience, and your description really paints the scene. Great first line, too, to make the reader wonder what you mean.
Score: 17.5/20

Originally Posted by Cordatus View Post
Member: uvachick
Title: Pokemon History

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Comments: The pace is good and the flow is easy, but the tone is rather monotonous and the content is not stimulating to grab the readers' attention.

Score: 13/20

---

Member: Toyzrock
Title: Angel Investors or Hell's disciples

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: Good structure and pace, but can be improved if you "play" with your paragraphs a bit. I would work on the ending to make it more suitable to the content of the work.

Score: 15/20

---

Member: Mr Baatard
Title: The Sad Girl

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: The beginning is very good, but the middle revolves around one idea being expressed in too many ways. Not enough has been said about the man (to balance the ideas mentioned) and the repentance became confusing. Nevertheless, I think the ending is amazing.

Score: 15/20

---

Member: novu
Title: Wordplay

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: The beginning of the piece has a nice feeling to it and sets the mood. But afterwards, the redundancies and unnecessary words made me lose my attention and focus. Try to make it more simple; it's always the best way.

Score: 14/20

---

Member: OnceUponATime
Title: When Grandma Walks

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Comments: Magnificent! Perfect writing, great style, and fantastic ending. I wouldn't change anything about it.

Score: 20/20

---

Member: gary_wagner
Title: Danglers

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: Great tone and style that fitted perfectly with the content of the story, which was very stimulating. Easy flow, good pace and well structured.

Score: 18/20

---

Member: josiehenley
Title: Stonehenge

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: Very informative and poses a lot of ideas to think about. The writing flowed easily [except at a few places]. Nice to know all of that!

Score: 17/20

---

Member: roblaforce
Title: The Most Dangerous Site on the Web!

Mechanics: 2/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: Good idea, but there is a lot of basic things you need to correct in order to improve. Don't jump between tenses, proper dialogue punctuation, and revise the comma use.

Score: 12/20

---

Member: starrwriter
Title: A Dream of the Amazon

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: Great work! Although my focus was interrupted by the use of "jerk"; it did not fit the content at all. Good descriptions and fantastic way of telling.

Score: 18/20

---

Member: Kal
Title: Exploring Liverpudlian Arts.

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: Great descriptions that I think attracted the reader. At some places, less details would have made better effect. Good read all in all.

Score: 16/20

---

Member: Citizen
Title: Things That Make You Shudder

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: Perfect description! Strong writing that painted the right scene for the readers. Good pace and flow, and solid structure.

Score: 17/20

Originally Posted by azaelkain View Post
User: Uvachick
Title: Pokemon history

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 6/10

Comment: Interesting piece, structure for some reason diverted me a bit.
Mostly informational, but good.

Score:15/20

User: Toyzrock
Title: Angel Investor or hell's disciple

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 7/10

Comment: Could not see a concluding thougth, would have liked to seen more.

Score: 16/20


User: Mr. Baatard
Title: The sad girl

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 7/10

Comment: Very interesting topic, very well developed. Little facts were present but a convincing piece.

Score: 16/20

User: Novu
Title: Wordplay

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 5/10

Comment: It read almost like a poem, correct me if I’m wrong but I saw no strong concluding sentence.

Score:14/20

User: Onceuponatime
Title: When grandma walks

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall: 9/10

Comment: Love it, very well done. I think some speech tags were in order, but very well done.

Score:19/20

User: Gary_wagner
Title: Danglers

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall: 8/10

Comment: Gary, very well done, awesome tone.

Score:18/20

User: Josiehenley
Title: Stonehenge

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 7/10
Comment: Interesting topic, well done.

Score: 16/20

User: roblaforce
Title: The most dangerous site on the web.

Mechanics:2/5
Intangibles 5/5
Overall: 7/10

Comment: Sarcasm was well noted, good work. Some structural things but I loved the tone. Watch your tenses.

Score:14/20

User: Starrwriter
Title: A dream of the Amazon

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall: 7/10

Comment: Sadly true, very well done.

Score: 17/20

User:Kal
Title: Exploring Liverpudlian

Mechanics:5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 8/10

Comment: Great work.

Score: 17/20

User: Citizen
Title: Things that make you shudder.

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 8/10

Score: 16/20

Originally Posted by cuteangel View Post
Member: uvachick
Title: Pokemon History

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Comments: This was well written, but the overall content didn’t particularly grab my attention. Despite this, it did a fairly effective job of explaining what Pokemon is and has been well-planned.

Score: 13/20

Member: Toyzrock
Title: Angels Investors or Hell’s Disciples

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10
Comments: I’m not sure what to make of this. There were several places where I simply got lost. The end was good, however – you left it at a crucial point, making me want to read more. Spelling and grammar needs to be touched up.

Score: 12/20


Member: Mr. Baatard
Title: The Sad Girl

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Comments: I enjoyed this very much. It is interesting to know how much one can see into a picture. The issues you addressed were also very well presented. This was carefully executed and it gave me the sense that you knew what you were talking about. There was too much repetition in this, but nevertheless, a good job!

Score: 17/20


Member: novu
Title: Wordplay

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Comments: It was fascinating how you personified your muse. I got confused in between, perhaps because of the wordiness. Try not to use such ‘fancy’ words – they detract from the reading experience.

Score: 14/20


Member: OnceUponATime
Title: When Grandma Walks

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: Excellent! You’ve done a perfect job in capturing a reader’s attention from beginning to end. At no point of time did I feel like skimming. Just amazing!

Score: 19/20


Member: gary_wagner
Title: Danglers

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10
Comments: I’ve read this before, but I still laughed out loud while judging. It’s not lost any of its magic for me, yet. This anecdote was downright hilarious. I loved the voice of your fourteen year old self. Just the right amount of hesitation and humour. Excellent!

Score: 20/20


Member: josiehenley
Title: Stonehenge

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Comments: Very informative. I never knew that it had been cordoned off because of Pagan rituals. Since I’m anti-establishment, this touched a chord with me. I liked the simple, straightforward tone of this article.

Score: 17/20


Member: roblaforce
Title: The Most Dangerous Site on the Web

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10
Comments: It was interesting in a way, but the rambling put me off. I thought Craig’s List could have been explained a bit more, considering your title, but that was lacking. I don’t understand why it is dangerous at all. You also need to brush up on your comma usage. All in all, it was a fairly humorous read.

Score: 13/20


Member: starrwriter
Title: A Dream of the Amazon

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: This was well-written and planned. It hooked me, so to speak right from the beginning to the end. The ‘jerk’ bit might have been going a bit overboard on a first-time judgment, though.

Score: 18/20


Member: kal
Title: Exploring Liverpudlian Arts

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Comments: A bit too heavy on the descriptions in some places, but overall, a good, gripping read. You might want to recheck this for comma usage, though. Very absorbing, otherwise.

Score: 16/20


Member: Citizen
Title: Things That Make You Shudder

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: Disgusting, but great! Just the right amount of description to really make me shudder and gag. You can be rest assured that I’m never going to flush my toilet without thought after this.

Score: 18/20

__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
|
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
|
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
|
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
  #2  
Old 03-02-2007, 09:12 AM
gary_wagner
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Congratulations, OnceUponATime. Thanks, judges for your time and effort.
  #3  
Old 03-02-2007, 11:11 AM
Citizen's Avatar
Citizen (Offline)
I Am My Own Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Edmonton, Canada
Posts: 82
Thanks: 0
Thanks 0
Default

Wow - that was quite the photo-finish, Thanks judges and congrats, Once.
__________________
It's hard to find the moral high-ground when we're all standing in the mud.
  #4  
Old 03-02-2007, 05:20 PM
Mr Baatard's Avatar
Mr Baatard (Offline)
Word Wizard
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Where the wind comes sweeping down the plain
Posts: 507
Thanks: 0
Thanks 0
Default

Congrats, Once!
__________________
Anadon contemplated that for a second, and then passed judgment on what Spanner was saying to him.
“You’re dumb.”
“Excuse me?”
“For someone who’s lived a gazillion years, you sure do have a lot to learn about romance.”
Spanner crossed his arms incredulously. “Do tell.”
“The way I see it, if I had to live forever, and I knew real happiness wouldn’t come around too often, I’d spend all of my time looking for it.”
“You’ve never mourned a wife.”
“Forever’s a long time to never let a woman tell you she loves you.”

New Elbestran: the First Tale of Spanner, 144,000+ words.
  #5  
Old 03-03-2007, 08:01 PM
OnceUponATime's Avatar
OnceUponATime (Offline)
Heartbreaking Writer of Staggering Genius
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: State of Insanity - I must be in order to start my own paper...
Posts: 1,298
Thanks: 5
Thanks 12
Default

Thanks everyone - I must say I am stunned! Thanks for the kind comments, judges. This was the first piece of work I've written in a long time where I actually put a lot of my heart and soul into it. All these entries were terrific, and it truly amazed me how everyone jumped right in and wrote such excellent pieces when given free reign on the theme. The competition was very fierce, IMO, especially 'Danglers,' which was the one of funniest stories I've ever read online.

Thanks again, guys, this really put a bright spot in my day
__________________
Support your local newspaper -- and your local writers.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

-Jillian
  #6  
Old 03-04-2007, 03:14 AM
josiehenley's Avatar
josiehenley (Offline)
Homer's Odyssey Was Nothing
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Cardiff, in South Wales, UK
Posts: 1,120
Thanks: 0
Thanks 3
Default

Nice to get in the middle and not completely at the end for my first comp! Comments were useful, thanks. Congrats Gillian
__________________
My novel Silence is out now!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
  #7  
Old 03-09-2007, 02:12 AM
BreezyWriter's Avatar
BreezyWriter (Offline)
Always Online
Official Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Drummondville, Quebec, Canada
Posts: 2,157
Thanks: 1
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Default

congratulations OnceUponATime – 19.4
great score.
__________________
Timing is everything! love, peace, pleasure, prosperity to all

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
  #8  
Old 03-11-2007, 07:54 AM
OnceUponATime's Avatar
OnceUponATime (Offline)
Heartbreaking Writer of Staggering Genius
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: State of Insanity - I must be in order to start my own paper...
Posts: 1,298
Thanks: 5
Thanks 12
Default

Thanks Breezy & Josie
__________________
Support your local newspaper -- and your local writers.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

-Jillian
 

  WritersBeat.com > Writer's Beat Quarterly > Contest Central > Previous Contests


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Contest Results | Poetry | Romance (February 2007) Icarus Previous Contests 6 03-05-2007 12:47 AM
Contest | Non-Fiction | Unspecified (February 2007) Icarus Previous Contests 11 02-21-2007 10:04 PM
Contest Results | Fiction | Revenge (January 2007) Icarus Previous Contests 6 02-02-2007 02:17 PM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 05:10 PM.

vBulletin, Copyright © 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.