WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Fiction

Fiction Novel excerpts, short stories, etc.


1st draft opening paragraph of a novelette i'm thinking about writing:

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 09-20-2011, 02:43 AM
jimr (Offline)
Noteworthy
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 314
Thanks: 5
Thanks 33
Default Dead thread


dead


Last edited by jimr; 09-23-2011 at 07:37 PM.. Reason: DEAD
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 09-20-2011, 04:34 AM
Abomination's Avatar
Abomination (Offline)
Copyist
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 48
Thanks: 3
Thanks 8
Default

The Paragraph sounds good to me. The only thing is that it doesn't really seem like an opening paragraph. Who is the Narrator? What is Russel Gardens? And why the hell are you there? If all of this is in a Preface or intro of some sort i think you should include it. The paragraph is fine, I am just curious as to how you plan to make sense of it. (If that is rational) :P
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 09-20-2011, 07:30 AM
Rei's Avatar
Rei (Offline)
Verbosity Pales
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The Tardis
Posts: 3,488
Thanks: 269
Thanks 257
Default

.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Last edited by Rei; 09-27-2011 at 10:56 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 09-20-2011, 10:33 AM
Hilee Coco's Avatar
Hilee Coco (Offline)
Homer's Odyssey Was Nothing
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: the suburbs
Posts: 1,036
Thanks: 116
Thanks 256
Default

Abomination thought you jumped too quickly into the story, but Rei wanted to get to the action, dammit! I'd have to disagree with both: you efficiently established voice and setting, while keeping it entertaining. Good job.

But Peter is an athlete, MVP in the early ‘90’s '90s; although I don’t follow baseball much I remember that.
__________________
"My own mind is my own church." - Thomas Paine
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 09-20-2011, 11:55 AM
tenth (Offline)
Pencil pusher
Official Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Johannesburg
Posts: 16
Thanks: 1
Thanks 2
Default

Liked this a lot.

Good voice and tone which is already providing some insight into your narrator.

Good stuff.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 09-20-2011, 12:28 PM
mjbII (Offline)
Copyist
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 41
Thanks: 0
Thanks 4
Default

I really think people get too caught up with these standard, formulaic opening paragraphs where you have to set up a clear setting, character and conflict. I understand the appeal of such openings, that they are easier to ascertain in terms of effectiveness and to digest, and, perhaps most of all, that new writers often have to 'dumb down' to get noticed (whereas established writers can take more risks)... but with all that said- I like this opening. I'd change a few words here and there, maybe, but in terms of its opening, it's actually what the writer DOESN'T say that makes me want to keep reading. A common misconception writers have is that they need to be revealing information all the time. It's actually quite the opposite a lot of the time: A writer wants to withhold enough information so that the reader wants to keep reading to find out more. In short, I like a good alternative opening that doesn't fit the formulaic mold. I think the narrator has a good voice and I think this has the potential to lead somewhere, provided the writer has some good, sticky situations and supporting characters to delve into.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 09-20-2011, 01:46 PM
Abomination's Avatar
Abomination (Offline)
Copyist
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 48
Thanks: 3
Thanks 8
Default

Originally Posted by mjbII View Post
I really think people get too caught up with these standard, formulaic opening paragraphs where you have to set up a clear setting, character and conflict. I understand the appeal of such openings, that they are easier to ascertain in terms of effectiveness and to digest, and, perhaps most of all, that new writers often have to 'dumb down' to get noticed (whereas established writers can take more risks)... but with all that said- I like this opening. I'd change a few words here and there, maybe, but in terms of its opening, it's actually what the writer DOESN'T say that makes me want to keep reading. A common misconception writers have is that they need to be revealing information all the time. It's actually quite the opposite a lot of the time: A writer wants to withhold enough information so that the reader wants to keep reading to find out more. In short, I like a good alternative opening that doesn't fit the formulaic mold. I think the narrator has a good voice and I think this has the potential to lead somewhere, provided the writer has some good, sticky situations and supporting characters to delve into.
You're right. I would just request some explanation to us as to how he is going to bring the reader up to speed. It's hard to critique ONLY an opening paragraph when it doesn't give any insight into whats going on here. For a reader they flip the page and they go "Ohhhh now hes going to explain it" but we cant just flip the page. We end up trying to give advice when we have no clue whats going on. xD
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 09-20-2011, 04:40 PM
mjbII (Offline)
Copyist
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 41
Thanks: 0
Thanks 4
Default

Originally Posted by Abomination View Post
You're right. I would just request some explanation to us as to how he is going to bring the reader up to speed. It's hard to critique ONLY an opening paragraph when it doesn't give any insight into whats going on here. For a reader they flip the page and they go "Ohhhh now hes going to explain it" but we cant just flip the page. We end up trying to give advice when we have no clue whats going on. xD
I hear you. And I agree. But I think if someone posts an opening paragraph, then we as critics should critique just that: the opening paragraph. Focusing on how it does or does not work in and of itself. In fact, perhaps it would do writer's well to post specific questions related to the opening. For example, the only question I really ever have is 'Does it make you want to keep on reading?' That's the quintessential question for a writer, I think. Alternatively, perhaps a brief intro or explanation telling us, in a general way, what the story is about might help in some cases.
Reply With Quote
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Fiction


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Creep World (WIP) MalReynolds Fiction 21 09-07-2017 07:06 AM
Scribal Tales Jay Writing Markets 0 06-05-2006 09:12 PM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 01:01 AM.

vBulletin, Copyright 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.