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Gun Control

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  #1  
Old 01-10-2013, 01:22 PM
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Default Gun Control


So it's a nice afternoon and I'm sittin' at a bus stop. Been glancin' at a girl that's also sittin' there. An old guy with a grey goatee, no- wait a minute- that's called a Van Dyke, is readin' a tattered paperback as he stands at the other end of the bench.

Looks like the bus is gonna be late. Typical Fort Lauderdale service.

These two guys, young guys- twenty something guys, come walkin' up. Now there are five of us.

The two guys turn and face we three and say "This is a robbery. Give us your shit and you won't get shot."

The girl and I are frozen to our seat.

The guy closest to the geezer reaches his right hand back behind his right hip.

The rest was so fast it took me a few minutes to sort it out.

Let's see- the paperback was on its dropped way to the ground as Mr. Senior stepped (hell, I would swear he glided) to the reacher. Gramps clamped his left hand on the bad boys reaching wrist. It wasn't comin' back around to us for a moment.

That's it- that moment- man... that moment...

Okay. In that moment Pops, with his right hand, swipe punched across the li'l gangster's face. His nose, dude- his nose smooshed across his right cheek. But before I could get that into my mind the elbow that was comin' after the hand crashed into the criminal's left cheek bone. I don't know much about this kinda damage but I do know the sound of something breaking.

I noticed that his fist is palm open and five finger out at the end of the travel stroke.

Then (you had to be there), the hand returned to fist shape as the arm rapidly retracted.

Christ! The heel below the little finger caught the jerk at the corner of his right eye.
Goddamn! It popped out of the socket and dangled on the optic nerve!

Jeezus!

Now the hand is stretched open (again) and the arm is stretched away from the guy.
I think two or three heartbeats have happened.

Here comes the hand (again) in a cup shape.

It collides solid with our assailant's left ear.

I know it's impossible to hear an eardrum burst inwards but I now think I know what the feeling looks like in someone's eyes. Err... eye.

Didn't notice when the other guy disappeared. He was just gone.

Wow.

Here comes the bus.

Finally.


Last edited by Nick Pierce; 04-07-2015 at 03:10 PM..
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  #2  
Old 01-10-2013, 02:45 PM
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"...the things you see when you don't have a gun..." with a twist -- of the wrist.

Well done, Nick.
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  #3  
Old 01-10-2013, 06:35 PM
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This a great reason for more guns. If the old guys just shot the fuckers it would be a lot less cruel and lot less painful!
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  #4  
Old 01-11-2013, 01:48 AM
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Originally Posted by tahdas View Post
This a great reason for more guns. If the old guys just shot the fuckers it would be a lot less cruel and lot less painful!
I'm grateful the battle vet didn't use a knife. Ya cut an artery and voila! AIDS in the air.

[uhh, for all you p.c.* sensitive types- this is not meant to cast a stigma on AIDS nor is it meant to infer that anyone who would threaten the lives of municipal transportation patrons (for the purposes of personal gain) should be profiled as a HIV positive individual]



*Politically Correct (see, Luckyme, I hear you)
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Old 04-11-2017, 03:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Nick Pierce View Post
So it's a nice afternoon and I'm sittin' at a bus stop. Been glancin' at a girl that's also sittin' there. An old guy with a grey goatee, no- wait a minute- that's called a Van Dyke, is readin' a tattered paperback as he stands at the other end of the bench.

Looks like the bus is gonna be late. Typical Fort Lauderdale service.

These two guys, young guys- twenty something guys, come walkin' up. Now there are five of us.

The two guys turn and face we three and say "This is a robbery. Give us your shit and you won't get shot."

The girl and I are frozen to our seat.

The guy closest to the geezer reaches his right hand back behind his right hip.

The rest was so fast it took me a few minutes to sort it out.

Let's see- the paperback was on its dropped way to the ground as Mr. Senior stepped (hell, I would swear he glided) to the reacher. Gramps clamped his left hand on the bad boys reaching wrist. It wasn't comin' back around to us for a moment.

That's it- that moment- man... that moment...

Okay. In that moment Pops, with his right hand, swipe punched across the li'l gangster's face. His nose, dude- his nose smooshed across his right cheek. But before I could get that into my mind the elbow that was comin' after the hand crashed into the criminal's left cheek bone. I don't know much about this kinda damage but I do know the sound of something breaking.

I noticed that his fist is palm open and five finger out at the end of the travel stroke.

Then (you had to be there), the hand returned to fist shape as the arm rapidly retracted.

Christ! The heel below the little finger caught the jerk at the corner of his right eye.
Goddamn! It popped out of the socket and dangled on the optic nerve!

Jeezus!

Now the hand is stretched open (again) and the arm is stretched away from the guy.
I think two or three heartbeats have happened.

Here comes the hand (again) in a cup shape.

It collides solid with our assailant's left ear.

I know it's impossible to hear an eardrum burst inwards but I now think I know what the feeling looks like in someone's eyes. Err... eye.

Didn't notice when the other guy disappeared. He was just gone.

Wow.

Here comes the bus.

Finally.



Nick, why have you quoted this?


Mr. Pierce, I am doing what I can to provide an example of mixing showing with telling.


*sigh*
Very well, Nicholaus.
Carry on.
*sigh*


Thanks, P.
And don't sweat it, man.
It'll be alright.
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  #6  
Old 04-12-2017, 01:01 AM
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i can't get used to your format. like, you don't even need it. as far as gun control, not that i wanna go shooting in south florida, hillary clinton has it beat.
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  #7  
Old 04-12-2017, 02:35 AM
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Originally Posted by chat bot View Post
i can't get used to your format. like, you don't even need it. as far as gun control, not that i wanna go shooting in south florida, hillary clinton has it beat.

Honey, this ain't about guns. It is about using words to describe pictures of an event at a bus stop.

Now stop casting glances at my faded Levi's, willya?
People are starting to notice.
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