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Night-Time Habits

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Old 09-03-2017, 12:17 PM
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Default Night-Time Habits


Itís just you and me

sitting here

every night

waiting for something new

to happen

and if it doesnít

we just continue

with the old

things we always

tend to rely on

like talking

about us

and everything

that is us

but when that new

does arrive

we start to realize

that we didnít need it

all along

so we push it back

to where it came from

and resume our

talks

until the one of us

falls asleep

to start this all

over tomorrow

again.

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Old 09-03-2017, 03:16 PM
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This is really lovely.

I think it should end with "until the one of us falls asleep".
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Old 09-03-2017, 04:07 PM
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I dig it.

On the eve of my wedding anniversary, this resonates -- in the best way possible.
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Old 09-04-2017, 04:19 PM
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I like this ... perfectly evocative of a murmuring, night-time atmosphere.
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Old 09-04-2017, 04:50 PM
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Lush

I do agree with Grace about the ending.



xDrew
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Old 09-08-2017, 03:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Grace Gabriel View Post
This is really lovely.

I think it should end with "until the one of us falls asleep".
The end bugged me a lot.
Torn between keeping it sweet or making it seem blunt and monotonous like the relationship itself.

Thanks for the tip.
Does read well if ended there, I agree.
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