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Cat Door - Twisted short story

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Old 11-11-2009, 05:30 PM
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Default Cat Door - Creepy and Twisted


Cat Door

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He had been lonely since Jenny kicked him out. Jack tries to keep himself busy by un packing and getting things together in his new house in which he just moved into yesterday. The top of the box splits apart as the sharp knife runs through it. The first thing Jack see’s is his black leather jacket as he folds the edges of the cardboard down. His mind is drifting off again. The jacket reminds him of Jenny. Jenny, his now ex-wife that he was with for 5 years. Jenny the one who bought him the jacket for when he rode his Harley. So many good times they had on the bike with her on the back. No, he won’t think of her. She’s gone now, dead to him. He moves the box aside. The bedroom is empty. It’s so white and plain. It feels lonely and sad. And that damn smell. Oh that horrible smell. Jack really can’t tell where it’s coming from or what it is but it’s worse than the smell of a dead fish on a steaming hot day. The smell makes Jack’s nose hairs shiver.

Jack hears something from behind him and whips his neck around to the bedroom door. Oh my god it’s ugly. Standing there is a completely black cat. Jack eyes the cat’s ribs that are bulging through it’s thin fur. Well, what little fur it has. Even with the light from the moonlit window he can see that this cat looks starved. A cat like that should be dead by now. Jack feels afraid of the cat for some strange reason. The sight of this cat is so freaky it’s bad enough to scare anyone. Jack hate’s cats. He’d like to get a better look at it but it’s hidden in the shadow that is casted by the door. Jack picks up the lantern and the light reveals the cat and its massive front left paw. The paw looks swollen and has at least 7 claws on it. Maybe 8. It’s a freak cat. Then as if the light scared the cat away it let out a devilish hiss, and dashed out of sight. It’s strange because Jack hasn’t seen the cat until now. Now, a day and a halve later since he moved in. How did that cat get in. Was it in here hiding in one of the rooms? It would have been hard to see this cat since the electric had yet to be turned on. But what about earlier today. The house was well lit during the daylight hours. Well, I would have rather had a dog, but at least I’m not alone now. It would be nice to have companionship while living here all alone. Someone or something to talk to. I should give it a name. Yes. I will name it umm… skinny. No, I’ll name it Black! The name seems to fit perfectly since it is, well, black and it seems to be afraid of the light. The owner must have left Black here when he sold me the house. He could have told me about the cat. I would have picked up some cat food at Wal-Mart. I need to give him something. He looks as if he hadn’t ate anything in a week or two.

In the kitchen, Jack opens a drawer to get a can of tuna. He cracks the pull top open and rips the lid off. I hate the smell off tuna. I’m sure this cat’s going to swallow this stuff right up. He lays the tiny can on the tile in the kitchen. Jack hopes Black will find it in the dark. Still, there is a window above the sink that lets the moonlight reveal a strip of tile on the floor. Jack moves the can to the light. Now where is that freak cat? Jack starts to make clicking sounds with his tongue to call the cat. That cat could be anywhere in this house. Well, he will find it if he is hungry enough. And he definitely is hungry. Then, as if a draft had blown that nose wrinkling smell to the kitchen, Jack see’s Black enter into the doorway. Still, it’s hard too see this cat. He’s hidden in the shadows. Jack wants to get a full view of this cat but he forgot his lantern in the bedroom. Careful not to scare Black, he takes a step closer. The cat let out an abnormally loud shrilling hiss. Fear is running through Jack’s body. He has no idea why this cat is making him feel this way. It’s hard for Jack to be afraid of anything. Yet there stood a creepy black cat in the kitchen doorway which he’s sure is completely harmless but is casting a fear over him. It’s a horrible feeling. It’s a feeling someone would get at a funeral. Like death is close by. A feeling of feeling bad for this cat and being so afraid of it at the same time. He stares at the cat. He could barely see him but he makes out the head. Then he makes out the ears. Well, one ear. The other ear looks as if it has been torn off. Or bitten off maybe? Or cut off? The cat starts to come closer slowly. It is crawling so slow. Black inches across the floor. He steps so slowly toward the can of tuna that is placed between Jack and the cat. Jack’s feeling of fear is increasing. Why am I feeling like this? Why am I so afraid of this cat? It doesn’t make sense. Of all things to be afraid of, why a cat? Maybe it’s the sight of this cat. It doesn’t look right at all. It’s scary. Black steps closer moving one paw at a time. He seems to be testing Jack to see what his reaction will be if he moves closer. Jack fearful and sorry for Black, stays motionless as not to scare away the cat. Black continues to move slowly step by step paw by paw across the kitchen floor. As Black gets closer and closer, the fear in Jack gets more powerful. It’s a ridiculously large amount of fear to have from a cat. Black steps closer and stops just before the strip of light on the floor. “It’s alright cat, eat the tuna” Jack said in a scared voice. The cat stood there not moving any closer. “It’s alright eat the food”. The cat continued to stay where he was not moving any closer into the light. Jack could still hardly see Black. “Eat the tuna Black you dumb pussy”. The cat continued to stay there. Jack reached out his hand slowly to touch the cat. Just before Jack’s hand got to the top of Black’s head, Jack felt an awful pain travel through his thumb and the cat sprinted off in the direction in which he came. Jack quickly retrieved his arm and looked at his thumb in the blue moonlit window. It was bleeding. Drops of blood sprinkled to the floor. The hungry Black had taken a small chunk out of Jack’s thumb. “You fucking asshole!” Jack screamed at the cat. He clutched his hand in pain. Touching the cut made the pain worse. He let go of the cut and put it under running water under the spigot. Then he took it back out and clutched it some more. It was a bad cut. A horrible cut. He knew it would scar, there was a fucking chunk of his thumb missing. Damn cats. Why did I even bother helping him out, I hate cats. He could die for all I care.

Then Jack went to the bathroom to get some gozz and tape. His whole hand is covered in blood. He wraps the thumb up and tapes it. The pain is still there. The pain is not going away. How can a freaking cat take a chunk like this out of my thumb? Jack reaches in the cupboard for some pain pills. He opens the cap with his un injured hand and shakes 3 perks into his mouth. Jack swallows them and drinks water from the sink to wash them down. He puts the pills back into the cupboard. What was with this cat? There is something terribly wrong with this cat. Why would the owner and the guy that sold me this house leave Black here? How could you be so cruel and lock a cat in a house with no food for a week and let him starve? It’s still cruel even though Jack had been over feeling sorry for the cat. He reached in his pocket with his good hand and took out his cell. Going through his contacts he found the listing House Seller. House seller was the guy that sold the house to him but he did not know his name so he just listed him as that. He’s not a very nice man. Jack hit the green button to dial the guy hoping that he would answer at this time of night.

Ring… Ring… Ring… “Come on answer”, Jack announces out loud. Ring… Ring… “I want to know what is up with this fucking cat!” Ring… Ring…

“Hello?”

“Yeah uh… hi it’s me the guy that bought your house.”

“What the hell do you want at this time?”

“Uh… I’m sorry to bother you sir but there’s a cat here. Maybe you forgot him or something?”, Jack says in a kind of sarcastic tone.

“Fuck the cat! I hate cats! Just kill the son of a bitch, that’s what I would do.”

“Yeah well this cat is very strange…”

“Look don’t fucking call me again talking about damn cats, fuck em all they all need to die! Keep you mouth shut if you find anything and say a word of what’s in that house, I will kill you!”

Then the guy hung up. That was weird. What did he mean about find anything in this house? That was really strange. Well at least the perks are working a lil. I should get some sleep.

Jack laid there sleepless and scared partly from the cat and partly from what the guy had told him on the phone: “Keep you mouth shut if you find anything and say a word of what’s in that house, I will kill you!”. Jack doesn’t know why he is so afraid. So afraid of something so harmless and something little girls find so cute. But not this cat. This cat is far from cute. Black looks as if he had came from hell and was living on earth. Or not living. Either way he would be dead soon. He would be dead from either starving or Jack getting to him first and beating him over the head with a crowbar. That guy was right. Kill the cat and that’s exactly what I am going to do. First thing when I wake up I swear I will kill that cat. I’m going to make him suffer too… just like he is making me suffer while I try to sleep. Jack lifts up his bandaged hand and looks at it. Then he lays it back down carefully as not to hurt it anymore than it is already hurting. Trying not to think about his hurt hand, Jack’s mind drifts off to thinking about Jenna. Jenna so beautiful and Jack loved her so much. He thinks about his Harley and how much fun they had on it riding down the old country roads with her on the back. He thinks about their marriage day and the vows they had for each other. He thinks about the fun nights and the good sex they used to have. And then he thinks about the last year and how the drugs took over her wonderful personality which ultimately ended their relationship.

Now, wait, I cannot think about her anymore. It’s too depressing. Too heart breaking. I need to think about something else. What do people think of when they try to get to sleep. Sheep. Yes, sheep. I will count sheep. One sheep jumps over the dull moon. The second sheep jumps over. The third sheep jumps over, the fourth sheep jumps over, the fifth sheep jumps over. Then it turned to the cat, Black. Black was jumping over the moon. Jack was dreaming. He was dreaming about that awful cat. Black made a death like hissing noise as he went over the moon. Then again he made the noise as he went over the second time. Then the hissing turned into roaring and scratching.

Jack opening his eyes. He was hot and sweaty. He was afraid. So very afraid of the sound that he heard coming from the guest room down the hall. He heard scratching and clawing and hissing. So many hissings. So many scratching. Even for a cat that had seven claws, there were too many noises of scratching and hissing that jack heard to be coming from just one cat. Jack was scared and curious, it was hard for him to get out of bed. It was hard for him to move at all. He was too scared to move. Too afraid. Jack got out of bed feeling the drowsiness fade. He picks up his lantern and walks slowly. He walks slowly toward the noise just as Black walked slowly up to him in the kitchen. Creak. The wooden floorboard is creaking and groaning as it tries to hold Jack’s weight. He takes another step and another. Then he takes a couple more steps so very slowly until finally he is in the hallway. At the end of the hallway he hears the noises. He hears the scraping of claws against wood and the hissing of cats. Jack moves further down the hallway toward the guest room. He takes another step and another. Listening to those awful hisses and scratches. He starts to smell that really bad smell of dead fish on a steamy hot day. Or maybe 100 dead fish. That’s what it would take to make such a smell. His nose hairs burn and his eyes begin to water. The further Jack walks down the hall, the stronger the smell and the louder the noises. He creeps further and further down the hall. He gets closer and closer to the door of the guest room and pushes it open. There’s nothing there. Empty and white. Just how he left it. No boxes yet no furniture no nothing. Yet as if there was a cloud of fear covering the room, he felt terrified. Then he looked at the strange closet door. The door from which the sounds were coming from. The door that had been boarded up and pad locked. The door in which the house seller had told him was a closet door that was in need of a quick repair. At the time Jack did not care about the door. All he was interested in was the cheap price of the house. There it stood. The boarded up and locked door in which the scratching and hissing of cats were coming from the other side. It was a creepy out of place door. It made no sense to be boarded up like that. It would only make sense to a mad man. That’s exactly what the house seller was. He was a mad man. A crazy. Here I am standing in front of a madman’s art piece. It was scary. The whole picture is scary and it scares the hell out of me. That dreadful smell and those crazy sounds coming from the other side. I am curious. I am curious to find out what is on the other side of that door. I will find out. I will find out tonight and I will kill Black. I will kill that damn cat that took a bight out of my thumb. Besides, I will do him a favor by putting him out of his misery. Only a madman will let a cat starve to death like that. So I will put him out of his misery because I am not a madman. There is a door. There is a cat door on that boarded up closet door. It is a small and swinging back and forth. It is swinging back and forth as the scraping from the claw of that cat waits beyond it. There is something about this door. There is something about this crazy door and I am curious to see what is behind it. Jack bent over and reached his good hand out to the cat door. He pushed it open and he got on his knees to try and get a look through the cat door. As the light from the lantern revealed Black’s red glowing eyes from behind the cat door, the cat latched onto my good hand. I have to shake him off. I need get him off my hand to stop this horrible pain. As much as I shook the cat he would not let go of my hand. Then, with a chunk of my no longer good hand in his mouth, he darted of out of sight behind the door. “Auughhh!!!! Motherfucker… You Motherfucker!!…” Jack hollered in pain as he clutched the missing part of his hand. There was blood everywhere. There was blood on the door. There was blood on his hand. There was blood on his shirt. There was blood on the carpet. “You bastard!!!… Fuck you, you stupid cat I’ll fucking kill you!”.

So Jack darted off out of the room, down the hall, through the kitchen and out the front door to his pickup truck. In the back of the pickup truck was a crowbar. Jack picked up the crow bar and held it as loosely as he could in his bandaged hand that was soaked in blood. Jack ran through the house and stopped right before the boarded up door. Jack is in excruciating pain. Agony. Both hands bleeding and chunks of them missing, he tried the best he could to pry off the first 2 by 4. It was tuff. It was tuff to get the nailed in 2 by 4 off of the door. He yanked and thrusted. Then he yanked some more and finally the first 2 by 4 came off. He was scared. He was scared and curious to see what was on the other side of the door. He wanted Black dead. He was going to torture that cat. He was going to make him suffer. That horrible smell is making Jack quiver. Then, he got the second 2 by 4 off. The smell, the scratching and the fear grew. It was getting intense. So was Jack’s excitement. He was going to kill that cat. Now he has the lock off and the door flew open. It was dark. It was completely dark. Jack’s lantern showed a staircase. A staircase that must lead to the basement. A basement that the madman did not tell Jack about. As he took slow steps down the stair, the stink and the horror and fear grew but the scratching and hissing was no longer there. He walked slowly down the steps and the light from the old lantern revealed what was there. The light showed what the madman was trying to keep secret. Jack walked slowly down the stairs. He saw what it was. It was horrible and shocking. Yet it was confusing at the same time. There it was. There black was nailed to the wall and rotting. He was rotting and dead. He must have been there for a week or two. The smell was horrible. Jack then felt a presence behind him. It was an awful feeling. Jack whipped his neck around to see what was behind him. It was Black. It was Black sitting on the third step up. Black with his red eyes and missing ear staring into Jack. It’s like staring into the face of death. Jack takes a step up the stairs and kicks his leg out. His kick goes right through Black, the ghost cat. Jack looses his balance and falls backwards onto a 2 foot spike sticking out of the floor. The spike slices through Jack’s left leg and he yells in excruciating pain. He can’t move his leg. The Spike is sticking though his leg like the nail is sticking through the cat on the wall. As Jack looks up, he see’s about 30 cats rotting and nailed to the ceiling and walls above. The lantern goes out. Jack closes his eyes to try and bear the pain in his leg. He lets out a yell. Jack opens his eyes and there they are. About 30 cats are standing above him. Then they begin to feed. The cats feed on Jack’s flesh ripping chunks out of him as blood flies and splatters on the walls and on the rotting corpses of the dead cat’s killed by the madman. The pain is no longer bearable and Jack passes out.

When Jack wakes up, he is able to free his leg from the spike. He stands up with surprisingly good ease. He feels cold. He feels cold and lifeless. Jack walks slowly back up the stairs from which he came. He walk’s up the stairs step by step. He gets to the closed door that was once boarded up. Jack goes to turn the door handle but his hand. His hand. His hand goes right through the door handle like it was made of thin air. I guess curiosity also kills humans.


Last edited by MY_NAME; 11-19-2009 at 02:14 AM.. Reason: Language disclaimer
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Old 11-13-2009, 05:22 AM
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When I read the first sentence I thought it would all be in past tense. And then it was in present tense which felt sudden and abrupt.

The main thing is present tense isn't commonly what stories are written in, past tense is the traditional. There are a lot of good writers published and unpublished alike who have learned to master present tense, but when it is unmastered it can make a really great story sound awkward and all the focus to be on the present tense instead of the actual story. This is at least for me and what I felt reading it.

I really like the story you have and it's idea, but I think either you have to find a way to get your present tense to flow and be one with the story or you should try rewriting it in past tense and see what it sounds like.

Right now each individual sentence doesn't feel like it flows into each other. And this could be just because you use Jack a lot.--- Jack says hello. Jack runs to the store. Jack has carrots for dinner.

Here is a link that talks a little bit about present tense: http://preciseedit.wordpress.com/200...present-tense/
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Old 11-17-2009, 08:21 AM
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I completely agree with Ravenius. The present tense is a no go, really. And you've also started most of the lines with Jack this, and Jack that, so it really reads tough.

The punctuation also seems a bit off, and you've just clomped the whole thing into large paragraphs. In my personal opinion, it would probably read better if you could splice it up into smaller chunks.

But apart from that, it's an interesting read. I think the story would be much better, if like Rave said, it was in past tense.
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Old 11-19-2009, 02:08 AM
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Thanks to the both of you for looking it over. I do agree that the story should be split up a little bit. But I do not think it needs to be past tense or do I wan't to make it past tense. I will work on the grammer and paragraphs but I am not going to change it to past tense.

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Old 11-14-2011, 12:03 PM
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hi found this thread i made a couple years ago... lol completely forgot about it. don't know if its any good. any criticism?
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