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Contest Results | Fiction | Object Obsession (January 2008)

 
 
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Old 01-31-2008, 06:01 AM
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Default Contest Results | Fiction | Object Obsession (January 2008)


Iím sorry to say this, but weíre going to be bidding our old Contests Chief, aprilrain, goodbye. We will miss her talent and professionalism. Thank you for everything, April! We will feel the loss.

I know youíve been waiting for the contest results. Ladies and gentlemen, Iím pleased to announce that dary5491 won the contest with his letter advising against Object Obsession. A round of applause to daray, please. It was a close contest, with starrwriter coming close to winning if his entry had not exceeded the word limit. Iíd like to thank all participants for taking part.

daray, as you will not be able to take part in next monthís Fiction contest, you are welcome to judge the next round as a part of the guest panel. If you would like to do so, please send me a PM as soon as possible.

Congratulations once more!

daray5491: 15.3 (17, 15.5, 13, 15, 16)
Tau Worlock: 14.5 (15, 14.5, 14, 15, 14)
starrwriter: 14 (17.5, 17.5, 14.5, 16.5, 19; three points have been subtracted from the total as this entry was 667 words over the word limit)


Originally Posted by aprilrain
Member: starrwriter
Title: Confessions of a Nihilist

Although I donít think this is your best work, I found this to be very engaging and bittersweet. You developed Miss Xís character well through her actions, calm style, and dialogue. I loved how he said Ďyesí when she asked if he was in love with her, since the truth would not have given her anything. The ending wrapped it up tidily.

Spelling/Grammar: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall: 8.5/10

Score: 17.5/20
__________________________________________________ _____
Member: Tau Worlock
Title: The Ring of the Fisherman

The story fits well within the theme--obsession of an object, and the ending is appropriate for someone so short-sighted. His obsession was his undoing, as it typically is. Grammatically, the tense shifted at times and there were a few misspellings. I also didnít understand why you opened it with the focus on a stuffed seal. It was amusing but odd. Overall, this is a fine story.

Spelling/Grammar: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 7.5/10

Score: 15/20

__________________________________________________ _____
Member: daray5491
Title: The Danger of Obsession

The confession letter form worked well for this piece. It had the objectiveness of hindsight while still conveying the growing obsession Jesse had. Iím not sure what ďlessonĒ he is trying to teach others, though. Overall, creepy and engaging.

Spelling/Grammar: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 8/10

Score: 17/20
Originally Posted by Icarus
Title: Confessions of a Nihilist
Member: starrwriter

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

I very much like the ending for this, even though you had to do some trimming and itís probably not how you originally imagined it to read. Great development of Miss X.

Score: 17.5/20

*****

Title: The Ring of the Fisherman
Member: Tau Worlock

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 7.5/10

A good take on the prompt, I felt the beginning could have been spiced up, but the ending was, of course, rather appropriate. I was highly amused by the stuffed seal bit but I would have liked to have seen more development of Dan. There were enough errors to distract me, but on the whole itís a decent story.

Score: 14.5/20

*****

Title: The Danger of Obsession
Member: daray5491

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7.5/10

First of all, spacing is really important, especially when youíre trying to please judges. Remember that copy and paste doesnít translate spacing; you have to put it in manually. I had a little trouble accepting the extent of Jesseís obsession and I wasnít quite sure why he thought his letter might do any good (I also think it shouldnít have been to her parents). However, I liked that the girl never had a name.

Score: 15.5/20
Originally Posted by Queen of Wands
Title: Confessions of a Nihilist
Member: starrwriter

Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

The prompt asked for obsession with an object, but this was about obsession with a person. Thatís a big niggle for me. While the dialogue was excellent as usual, and the character of Miss X intriguing, I didnít find myself fully engaged.

Score: 14.5/20



__________________________________________________ _____


Title: The Ring of the Fisherman
Member: Tau Worlock

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

The opening was confusing, with the seal used to mean both mammals and devices, but once we got past that, this was quite good. There were the usual problems with SPAG, but I found this very likeable and the ending to be wonderfully unexpected.

Score: 14/20


__________________________________________________ _____



Title:
The Danger of Obsession
Member: daray5491

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Again, obsession with a person and not an object. The problem with this for me, was that obsession should suggest an overwhelming, almost uncontrollable passion, but there was no real passion here. You resorted to telling us what should have been shown. So, not quite all it could have been.

Score: 13/20
Originally Posted by Mridula
Member: starrwriter
Title: Confessions of a Nihilist

Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: This was a good one, but I donít think it quite made the mark. I didnít connect to it at some level. Your development of Miss X was spot on, and the motives of Mr. X were also done well. I like the fact that it did not end happy, as most stories of this kind would. Your dialogues were excellent!

Score: 16.5/20
----------
Member: Tau Worlock
Title: The Ring of the Fisherman

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 8.5/10

Comments: I liked the humour about the seal in the beginning; it was a nice way to start off the story. The story itself was good, but the spelling and grammar issues put me off. I appreciate the attempt, though. Good job!

Score: 15/20
----------

Member: daray5491
Title: The Danger of Obsession

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: This was a fairly good story, but I had a few problems with it. Firstly, Iíd think that if he was writing this letter to the girlís parents, heíd be less blunt and more apologetic. Secondly, Iím not too sure where the lesson was. The advice given at the end seemed more of an afterthought, than anything else. However, this has potential. Iíd advise you to work on it.

Score: 15/20
----------
Originally Posted by Cordatus
Member: starrwriter
Title: Confessions Of A Nihilist

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Although it had nothing to do with an object, the story itself blew me away. Thank you for the read.

Score: 19/20.

---

Member: Tau Worlock
Title: The Ring of the Fisherman

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

I liked the nice twist at the end. There are certain sections where descriptions extend unnecessarily, especially at the moment Dan enters the kitchen door. There are also a few typos, but apart from that, it's a well-written piece.

Score: 14/20

---

Member: daray5491
Title: The Danger of Obsession

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

The piece is fairly well written, but I didn't find any depth to it. The ending was a bit obvious from the beginning; I liked your approach by writing a letter, though.

Score: 16/20

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Old 01-31-2008, 07:16 AM
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Congratulation daray5491


About the Seal (mammal) I always invasion Dan as a collector of something, this leading to the obsession to the point that he becomes a criminal. Thing was I could not find anything to be obsessed about at the beginning. I looked into varies things such as coins and porcelain vases (where the twist would have been that he dropped it by accident). In the end I stabled on seals on an unrelated thing and thought they might work. A little research and I found out that papal signet rings (seals that can be worn as a ring) are destroyed on the pope’s death. A list of popes revealed that John XXI is the only pope to die in an accident (a roof collapsed on him). His signet ring seemed like the most plausible to have escaped distraction.

Now to get to the point. While I was looking into seals my computer searches often three up results regarding the mammal, thus the idea was born of the stuffed seal in a collection of the other type of seals.
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Old 01-31-2008, 08:21 AM
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I misread the prompt. I thought we were supposed to write about obsession in general, not obsession with an object.

But I got screwed by the word limit deduction. I cut this piece to the bone -- the original is three times as long.

Down with word limits!
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Old 01-31-2008, 09:48 AM
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Sorry, Starr, but we have to have word limits. If everyone entered a 5,000 word piece, that would be asking quite a lot of the judges, who do have other things to do. And word limits are quite common in contests, generally ranging from 1,500 to 2,500 words.

As for cutting your story to the bone, perhaps you should write something new for the prompt, rather than find an old piece to fit; then you could write to the limit. The idea, after all, is to provide our members with a (hopefully) interesting prompt that inspires them to write.
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Old 01-31-2008, 10:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Queen of Wands View Post
The idea, after all, is to provide our members with a (hopefully) interesting prompt that inspires them to write.
I think the specified subject was too narrow, as are many of the prompts. Obsession in general rather than obsession with an object would have been more interesting and allowed a much wider range of entries (and more, too.)
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Old 01-31-2008, 12:46 PM
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Originally Posted by starrwriter View Post
I think the specified subject was too narrow, as are many of the prompts. Obsession in general rather than obsession with an object would have been more interesting and allowed a much wider range of entries (and more, too.)
Speaking for myself, and not on behalf of the staff, I think the prompts should push people to think beyond the obvious. That they can come up with themselves. And I don't honestly think obsession with an object is such a narrow focus. It just takes a little imagination. Obsession with a person, on the other hand, is a very common theme.

I'm not trying to provoke an argument, but if you wish to discuss this further, perhaps we could take this to PMs.


EDIT: Congratulations, daray5491, on your win!
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Old 01-31-2008, 07:08 PM
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You guys are complaining about lack of participation in the contests. If you want more entries, all I'm saying is maybe you should consider loosening up on the rules and subject matter.

What do other members think?
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Old 02-01-2008, 12:54 PM
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thanks every1
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Old 02-01-2008, 12:55 PM
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personally...I found the word limit to not be too bad. For a short story it was okay...then again I wrote in letter form...if I was writing a story story that would be pretty hard 2 stick 2
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Old 02-03-2008, 09:56 AM
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Congratulations daray5491, nice going.
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