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Contest Results | Poetry | Winter/Holiday (December 2006)

 
 
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Old 01-01-2007, 08:13 AM
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Default Contest Results | Poetry | Winter/Holiday (December 2006)


Congratulations to our winner, gary_wagner! This is gary's second contest win, first in poetry. He previously won August's fiction contest.


Final Order of Finish:

1. gary_wagner: 17
2. sketch_chic85: 15.83
3. creator_7: 15
4. jeune_romantique: 14.66
HobGadling: 14.66
5. daydreamer: 14.16
6. BreezyWriter: 13.66
7. Tanya: 12.83
_zeb_: 12.83
8. zainab: 12.66
9. Wanderingronin: 12.5
10. M.S.: 12.33


Judges' comments:

Originally Posted by Icarus View Post
Member: BreezyWriter
Title: Christmas Twinkle
Picture: A


Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

A few phrases were repeated a bit too much for my taste and I think your pattern forced you into some awkward rhymes as well as line endings. Regardless, itís a nice sentiment and the fact that itís shaped like a Christmas tree (was that on purpose?) means you get kudos from me.

Score: 13/20


Member: M.S.
Title: Treesí Lament
Picture: A


Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 5/10

Bizarre, to say the least, and Iím not quite sure I get what you were after. I like the thought of trees with electric blood but I couldnít really connect with much of this.

Score: 12/20


Member: Wanderingronin
Title: none
Picture: D


Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

The picture seems to be an excuse for the poem and Iíd like to see more connecting the two concepts: love and snowy road. Obviously, the picture is the setting for the memory, but what is it about that setting that makes the memory perfect?

Score: 14/20


Member: daydreamer
Title: none
Picture: A


Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

A very nice interpretation of Picture A. Now, I know punctuation in poetry can be left largely up to the poet, but I really think you need some commas and line breaks in different places. I found myself having to re-read a few lines in order to pause in the right places, which interrupted the overall flow of the poem, which to me is one of the most important aspects for a reader.

Score: 14/20


Member: Tanya
Title: Snow
Picture: D


Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 5/10

You use punctuation once, a comma I donít think you even should have, and in the one instance in which you could create a nice pattern and flow, the three lines before that comma, erratic capitalization ruins that flow. The middle stanza is quite incomprehensible and seems to have nothing to do with the first and third. I think what could have been a nice interpretation of Picture D was damaged by over-thinking.

Score: 11/20


Member: sketch_chic85
Title: The forest
Picture: D


Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Leave out the line ďIn fact they had not truly spoken,Ē and I think you could really have something here. I like the idea of trees speaking, and itís enough to know that the narrator didnít understand them Ė leave the rest up to the readerís imagination. Also, Iíd like a little more punctuation.

[B]Score: 15.5/20


Member: jeune-romantique
Title: Ice Creepers
Picture: D


Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

I, too, saw a sinister aspect of this picture, so I was glad to see someone else pick up on that and make something out of it. There are a few errors (spelling mistakes and this part: ďand the water is played is not onĒ) that belie a lazy editor Ė make sure you check your work carefully before submitting something.

Score: 17/20


Member: zainab
Title: Itís cold outside
Picture: D


Mechanics: 2/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 5/10

I really think you should have stuck closer to the picture, as there was so much you could do with that. Also, you need to get your its and itís straight and put in some punctuation to make this easier to read.

Score: 10/20


Member: gary_wagner
Title: Take me home
Picture: A


Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Youíve certainly gone a different route with Picture A, so I appreciate that diversity. A very touching piece, that got to me despite my being non-religious, which means youíve succeeded at balancing the religious aspect of this with something other people can relate to.

Score: 17/20


Member: Hobgadling
Title: none
Picture: D


Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

I really like the alliteration of the first line and the way it pops back up at the very end with Spring. I thought you captured this picture very well, especially for so few words. I would maybe suggest playing around with the middle line; Iím not sure why, but I feel like something more elegant could take its place.

Score: 17/20


Member: Toyzrock
Title: Diamonds in the Trees
Picture: D


Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Part of me likes the idea behind this, but part of me doesnít see much connection to Picture B, rather, had I not known which picture you chose, I would have guessed D. Also, this could use a little cleaning up, especially in regards to word choice and some of the phrases.

Score: 13/20


Member: _zeb_
Title: Happily
Picture: C


Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Iím glad someone actually chose Picture C! Part of me both liked and disliked the way everything revolved around the word happily. Which means you didnít completely sell the main component of your poem. I also would have liked to see more in the plane (and therefore dealing more directly with the picture) since the short stanzas and the fact that they all take place in a different location, so to speak, makes the pace of this rather frenetic.

Score: 12.5/20


Member: creator_7
Title: none
Picture: B


Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

I like the sentiment that comes with a narrator speaking to his cabin Ė itís cute. However, Iíd suggest some punctuation and that you redo the second to last line Ė it sounds like you just needed something to rhyme with your last line, so you threw that in. I bet you can think of something that correlates better with the picture and the rest of your poem.

Score: 14/20
Originally Posted by azaelkain View Post
User: Breezywriter
Title: A Christmas twinkle
Picture: a


Mechanics:4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall: 6/10

Comment:
Great work on this piece it was in a good flow. There was a stanza that was out of place and other wise seemed kinda unneeded it was stanza number: 5. Good job though.

Score:13/20


User: M.S.
Title:Tree's lament.
Picture: A

Mechanics: 2/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall: 6/10

Comment:
I had to read the poem twice to understand what you really meant. There was no caps anywhere in sight i have to say. Overall the tone and message was good if just hard to understand.

Score: 11/20

User: Wanderingronin
Title: Snowy road
Pic: D

Mechanics:4/5
Intangibles: 2/5
Overall: 4/10

Comment:
It was short, in some sense it is good when poems are good but in this case the shortness deprives the poem of a background story or a deep connection to the present. I barely got a feel for the couple. Also the road is just mentioned but never did you say that the road is the memory that the couple is contemplating.

Score:10/20


User:daydreamer
Title: Poem
Pic: A

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall:6/10

Comment:
At first it was hard to follow due to the lack of punctuation. Of course in poetry it is up to the poet but sometimes you have to think of the reader. A love poem, but the longing for her lover is a bit overshadowed by the description you give.

Score:13/20

User: Tanya
Title:Snow
Picture: D

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles:3/5
Overall: 6/10

Comment:
I saw a clear poetry scheme and that was good. I understood the theme but it is hard to bring it out since you mention very little hint of it. Again i found the scheme very easy to read and i have to commend you on that.

Score:14/20

User:Sketch_chic85
Title: The forest
Picture: D

Mechanics:4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall: 8/10

Comment:
The poem was good in its simplicity. The quotes are unneeded since there is only one speaker not many conversing.
The girl though she was talking to a tree.(sorry I found it odd but it fit the purpose, good job.)

Score:15/20


User: jeune_romantique
Title: Ice Creepers
Picture: D

Mechanics:4/5
Intangibles:3/5
Overall:4/5

Comment:
I found the poem a bit out of place i understood where you were coming too but the fluidity did not match and the tempo was off. The climax was high the completely disappears. Nonetheless it caught my attention and i found it had a different approach than most others here. Kudos in originality.

Score: 11/20

User:zainab
Title: It's cold outside
Picture: D

Mechanics:5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 6/10

Comment:
Good job on keeping the reader in the shadows and wondering what you mean that is the essence of poetry. However some lines were repeated and some very unnecessary.

Score:15/20

User:gary_wagner
Title: Take me home
Picture: A

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 8/10

Comment:
Good job I found it good and easy to read very little punctuation problems.

Score:16/20


User:Hobgadling
Title: NOne
Picture: D

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 2/5
Overall: 5/10

Comment:
Umm to short. Theme hard to grasp or appreciate with little to say. (what i mean is the theme is simple but it keeps me wondering "and, so what?" thats all.)

Score:11/20

User:Toyzrock
Title: Diamond Trees
Picture: B

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall: 7/10

Comment:
Hope those icicles don't fall on anyone. Sorry.

Score: 14/20


User: _zeb_
Title: Happily
Picture: C

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangible: 3/5
Overall:6/10

Comment:
Only thing is lack of warmth and repetitive happily. Aside from that it is really good. I suggest you use happily every other stanza since it becomes too repetitive.

Score: 14/20


User: creator_7
Title:None
Picture: B

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 7/10

Comment:
Good job. A free style poem. I thought you were talking about a person at first.[B]

Score: 15/20
Originally Posted by aprilrain View Post
Member: BreezyWriter
Title: Christmas Twinkle
Picture: A


Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 7.5/10

What falls short on some imperfect rhyme and meter is made up for on form (I love the tree formationóhow clever). I didnít mind the repetition of key words; it pulls it together and I appreciated the heart behind the words.

Score: 14/20


Member: M.S.
Title: Treesí Lament
Picture: A


Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6.5/10

Technically, this is flawless. Iím not sure how to feel about it though. It seems anti-American at first, which I have to admit puts me on the defensive, but then seems to convey a message of anti-apathy---that to be a good American, we should speak out about its problems and not get overly comfortable in our luxuries. I guess it is a mark of a good poem to be open to interpretation and to get people to think.

Score: 14/20


Member: Wanderingronin
Title: none
Picture: D


Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6.5/10

Beautiful in its simplicity. I like the repetition of the first and last line. This captures a nice moment that makes me want to know more. I would have liked a few more lines to make me relate to the coupleís feelings/memory. The spelling error in the second to last line is the only error I saw.

Score: 13.5/20


Member: daydreamer
Title: none
Picture: A


Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8.5/10

There was something about this one that really touched me, I guess because Iíve experienced similar feelings when Iíve seen something beautiful and wanted to share it with someone special but couldnít. You did a great job of describing both the beauty and serenity of the scene and the overarching loneliness of it. A couple of spelling mistakes and lack of internal punctuation made some of the lines clumsy.

Score: 15.5/20


Member: Tanya
Title: Snow
Picture: D


Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 6.5/10

A couple of the phrases seemed a tad clichť, but there were other phrases that I truly enjoyed. I am torn because I enjoyed the middle stanza the best, especially the first two lines about covering natureís other creations. However, this stanza is completely different than the other two, almost a poem within a poem. Also, is there any significance to the word Deep being capitalized?

Score: 13.5/20


Member: sketch_chic85
Title: The forest
Picture: D


Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 8.5/10

An errant internal quotation mark is the only technical issue I saw. This is truly lovely. I love the personification of the trees and the grandness of the scene.

Score: 17/20


Member: jeune-romantique
Title: Ice Creepers
Picture: D


Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

I had to read it twice before I understood it, but once I did, I really enjoyed this. Very creative use of the picture and turning something that most people consider to be peaceful and serene into a silent killer. The line about playing on water definitely needs work. Even if it read correctly, it still seems awkward.

Score: 16/20


Member: zainab
Title: Itís cold outside
Picture: D


Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 6.5/10

With a few tweaks, this could be a good one. ďMy condition is no more bingo?Ē What does that mean? I feel like you inserted some phrases that young kids use maybe (wild cold)? But they donít belong here. A little tightening to really convey the dread of the outside would help.

Score: 13/20


Member: gary_wagner
Title: Take me home
Picture: A


Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

It would be easy to turn this topic into one of choking sentimentality or political preachiness, but you did neither; rather you evoked a hauntingly sad and bittersweet emotion that left me both peaceful and melancholy at the same time. I always lose myself in your work, Gary. Youíre truly talented.

Score: 18/20


Member: Hobgadling
Title: none
Picture: D


Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 7.5/10

A nice haiku related well to the picture. I always appreciate effective alliteration, too.

Score: 16/20


Member: Toyzrock
Title: Diamonds in the Trees
Picture: D


Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Interesting that you focused on one detail of the picture and expanded upon it, bringing out the balance between beauty and danger. The reading of it, though, is somewhat clumsy so maybe a change in the way you break your lines would help.

Score: 13.5/20


Member: _zeb_
Title: Happily
Picture: C


Mechanics: 2.5/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6.5/10

This person is certainly an optimist, isnít he?  I agree that ďHappilyĒ could be repeated in the beginning and the end to bring it full circle as opposed to after every third line. If these lines or the stanzas were longer, it would be okay to repeat the one word. A nice thought and a nice poem anyway. Donít forget to proofread; there should be no spelling mistakes in something so short.

Score: 12/20


Member: creator_7
Title: none
Picture: B


Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Very nice poem. I like how someone has so much love for their inanimate home, making it seem alive. The rhyme is strong and the flow is easy. The second to last line needs to be revised. It seems forced purely in the interest of rhyme.

Score: 16/20

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  #2  
Old 01-02-2007, 11:48 AM
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Congratulations gary_wagner you have a wonderful way of putting things on paper/computer. It is wonderful to know others think so too. Again congratulations!
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Old 01-02-2007, 08:37 PM
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Mr. Wagner, well done. You are indeed a very important piper (i forward the V.I.P label.) Keep up all the easy to live, easy to die for all of us rats on this forum. Please keep up your important submissions. Without them, we might be lost in the difficulties of reading poetry.

As for he rest of you sorry lot, including myself and my detractors (all of you less important than Gary) Wannabe Virtual Immitatior's G. Wagner), and especially Icaraus, i have a word of advice. let us read some william s. burroughs, james joyce, charles bukowski, ezra pound, e.e. cummings, t.s. eliot if we absolutely must...... tell me all, what do you read?

Is this forum really so inundated with readers wanting to be soothed by compositions so easy to handle? Are we all so doomed to a conformity defined by sacrine?
Okay, I'm a cynic, a bastard, a negative presence. Okay, let's all keep reading the poem about waffles and continue to degrade poetry until it is no more than the same infomercial on loop-- Won't our SUV driving, pepsi guzzling, playboy wanking, armpit shaving, say no to drugs readers be so much more comforted to find concepts they have already accepted.... ideas already digested, passed into our immaculate white toilet (Let them eat off them!

As long as we're fed the same poetry meal, in burger form, the same as what we're used to, let's just keep rah rah sis boom bahing it on. As for those living by themselves, in the dark, illiterate, starving (myself included)- god fuck'em!
As for G. Wagner and those aspiring for V.I.P. god bless 'em, God fuck them still... but in this case, let him fuck him in a loving spirit-- the kind where you stay the whole night and even smooch them good bye in the morning.

Yes, okay. I have been out of order with the rhythm. I have disturbed some vibes. That's my disability, and indeed, we all have our handicaps to define us. Mine is the desire to disrupt the order. It kills me. I want to dance in courts. I want to set fireworks in cathedrals. I want to write christmas in poems blue and grey tones. So, thanks for last place.

When's the next contest? I suggest one about subways and other forms of public transportation.
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Old 01-02-2007, 11:15 PM
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Originally Posted by M.S. View Post
and especially Icaraus
Excuse me? What did I ever do except post a contest prompt and results? Please, at least spell it properly.
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Old 01-03-2007, 12:47 AM
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sock it to 'im Ic...right behind you!

MC...if you want to rant on about nothing, then I suggest you have the good grace not to do it on the back of GW winning notice.

Last edited by starpanda; 01-03-2007 at 12:59 AM..
  #6  
Old 01-03-2007, 04:32 AM
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Thank you judges and everyone who entered and provided intense competition. There were some really good poems posted for the contest this month and I feel honored to have come out on top.
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Old 01-03-2007, 05:29 AM
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Congratulations Gary!
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Old 01-03-2007, 05:45 AM
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Default A formal and public apology

Once again, Mr. Wagner, Kudos on your luminous and heart-rendering work of Christmas poetry.

I would like to make a sincere apology for my drunken rant last night. To all of you, and particularly the lovely Icarus, I am sorry--- There are no excuses for this kind of thing. I am but the sorest of losers. The lowliest of competitors-- Jealous and greedy for the lime-light. I will try harder to please my public next time.

Humbly Yours,
M.S.
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Old 01-04-2007, 10:57 AM
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I just came over here to say congrats to Gary, and I see that the Bulletin Board-itis that's endemic on the net has broken out here too. It's a pity I suck at poetry, so I end up missing this kind of fun stuff.

So, anyway, congrats, Gary!
 

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