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Year of the Dragon: Prelude; The History of Mankinds Future

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Old 03-23-2008, 08:59 PM
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Default Year of the Dragon: Prelude; The History of Mankinds Future


Year of the Dragon:
Prelude: the history of mankinds future


It all started after year 2010, colder winters, hotter summers… during that year professor Cartin of the university of Michigan found a way of making this dying world survive the green grass pollutants we polluted with every day… a form of a filter put right on the tailpipe cleaned the air that came out and ate away at the greenhouse gasses in our atmosphere… a truly amassing system. There was a fluke, Cartin never said, or shoed, what was in the filter until a year later, when he finally mass-produced this filter, and only to government officials.

2011, the year earth turned for the best. Professor Cartin said finally what was in the filter, which turned out to be the most resourceful new element of the decade… asteroids the size of the filter, and round… formed to be exactly circular. That was the filter in a fancy tube hooked on cars tailpipes. Cartin won the nebula award the next year for that very invention, even though he himself said he does not know how it works. The only problem was… they needed replaced every ten years… and none knew how much of this “special crater” we had.

2015, the year we rid of greenhouse gas for all… with a cost. The US government went on in a deal with Cartin to try and make a asteroid generator to purify the air faster, which they made about 3-4 hundred of these “Air Generators” and made deals with other countries to set up the generators… they worked… by the end of the year greenhouse gas was no more and we filter our own air every second of the day. Now was the price… a worldwide ban of motorized vehicles without the filters fixed, under the new world alliance treaty, so we wont have that problem again… the world seemed fine until Cartin could not find any more of this asteroid ether on earth, or any planet we can travel to in 2020.

Year 2023, with riots breaking out because of no motorized transportation people looked to the generators… overheating one in Spokane, Washington set off a chin reaction in all the others… a huge electric surge through the world drained the energy everyone used every day until there was none. The world had to use no energy whatsoever until there was a way to get more…and Professor Cartin died at the age of 89, a national hero of his age.


2189 the earth now had little electricity, running on water electric and wind power. The US government found a portal at the bottom of the Atlantic ocean in what looked to be a prosperous advanced city, known as Atlantis, and moved it to a secure place where they could study it. Chris Verious was the head to this facility. Verious unlocked the power supply from the stargate and tested it on a battery, which was empty before and was full in a couple of seconds. He made an adjustment and hooked an Air generator to this, and it forced the generator to restart.

September 1st, 2190 Verious made the first worldwide broadcast over TVs, radios, everything, that the worlds power was returned after a hundred years and they were now able to continue there new life with power. The world rejoiced and made that day a worldwide holiday, “ New Beginnings” it was called. Verious that year made the best discovery of the power, he died a day after that fateful day of a heart attack at 41.

2230, at this year they found a heap load of the asteroid from earlier and the us, and some select other countries, with high market prices, made battle suits later to be named. The governments of the world keeping it quiet.

October 3rd 3000 Everntez removed a piece on the stargate and its true purpose showed. The wormhole opened in space and the new colony of dragons proceeded through to concur yet another world. Before this happened, the dragons instantly found Everntez with the key in his hand, and Everntez, thinking with his feet, ran far, far away. Only to brake the key the dragons looked to brake anyhow. Now the portal could not be closed and they had found a new planet to populate with fresh food. The dragons ate flesh of any kind, fish, whales, elephants, cold-blooded, warm-blooded, humans, anything at all, this was the year of the dragon, year 3001.


((this was set to let your imaganation lock in on a idea.. a world so difrint than ours...yet only our future... you might have noted this is re-writin drasticly... i am re-writing the 4 chapters and it is a project that i want to make more relistic...)))

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Old 03-25-2008, 06:19 PM
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Year of the Dragon:
Prelude: the history of mankinds future
The title. What does Year of the Dragon have to do with the story? Also the subtitle "the history or mankinds future" doesn't make sense. Mankinds should be "mankind's" also.

It all started after year 2010
State when its happening, not sometime after.

survive the green grass pollutants we are polluted with every day…
Green grass? I'm not sure what you are talking about there. And the repetition of pollutant/polluted. And add the "are".

a form of a filter put right on the tailpipe to clean the air that came out and eat away at the greenhouse gasses in our atmosphere… a truly amassing system. There was a fluke (fluke isn't the right word), Cartin never said, or showed, what was in the filter until a year later, when he finally mass-produced this filter, and only to government officials.
Fix numerous mistakes and edit the repetition of "filter", you said it three times.

2011, the year the earth turned for the best. Professor Cartin finally said (switch the words) what was in the filter, which turned out to be the most resourceful new element of the decade… asteroids the size of the filter?? (what?), and round… (using the elipsis too often) formed to be exactly circular. That was the filter in a fancy tube hooked on cars tailpipes. Cartin won the nebula award the next year for that very invention, even though he himself said he does not know how it works. (since when does someone invent something and they no nothing about how it works?) The only problem was… they needed replaced every ten years… and no one knew how much of this “special crater” we had.
Numerous mistakes and more repetition.


2015, the year we rid of greenhouse gas for all… with a cost. The US government went on in a deal with Cartin to try and make an asteroid generator to purify the air faster, which they made about 3-4 hundred of these “Air Generators” and made deals with other countries to set up the generators… they worked… by the end of the year greenhouse gas was no more and we filter our own air every second of the day. (go over the previous sentence, there are numerous mistakes and worded strangely) Now was the price… a worldwide ban of motorized vehicles without the filters fixed (saying fixed implies it was always on the vehicle to start, I would say installed), under the new world alliance treaty, so we wouldn't have that problem again. The world seemed fine until Cartin could not find any more of this asteroid ether on earth, or any planet we can travel to in 2020.
Year 2023, with riots breaking out because of no motorized transportation, people looked to the generators… overheating one in Spokane, Washington set off a chin?? you mean chain reaction in all the others…

Okay, I stopped there. You have alot of grammar mistakes and spelling mistakes. You should re-write this in Microsoft Word so you can have the extra help. I gave you a nice bit of help on the first half, but I suggest you go through it all and re-post. I also am not sure where you are going with this story. It's complicated and doesn't make the reader interested. Try to re-write and think what would interest somebody about this generator and what not.

You can turn this story into something nice, but you really need to work at it.

Jaguar
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Old 03-25-2008, 09:48 PM
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I agree with Jaguar on most of his points, especially the grammer and spelling issues. However I understand that the this particular portion of the story is backround information, i.e. major events that lead up to this 'current' situation the world is dealing with, thought I am not entirely clear on what that situation is. I also understand the subtitle, 'The History of Mankind's Future.' The events the main story is based around is the supposed future of mankind, and this portion of the story (as I said earlier) is the history to those events, in other words, this would be the history to mankind's future just as you said. I do think your story need a little more focus and thought put behind it. It would help carify things and make it read smoother. At any rate, I think there is a lot of potential with this story thought much work needs to be done on it. I look forward to seeing futer iterations
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Last edited by l33tm4s73rj03y; 03-25-2008 at 09:50 PM..
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