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Contest Results | Fiction | Perfect Partner (August 2008)

 
 
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Old 08-27-2008, 07:01 PM
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Default Contest Results | Fiction | Perfect Partner (August 2008)


Because of the low turnout for this month's contests, we will not be scoring entries, but will offer comments on them instead.

Members will still be contacted concerning pieces we might be interested in publishing.

Your participation is always appreciated! Thank you!

* * *
Originally posted by HoiLei


Member Name: ~WishfulWriter~
Title: The Burned List

Comments: This was easy to read, with few errors. "Took" in the second paragraph should be "taken", since it follows "could have".

I can relate to the narrator watching Kevin go through dozens of girls, and still having a crush on him. It's easy to ignore his faults when she wants him so bad! The words were not always as crisp as possible, (watch out for things like using "now" and "currently" in the same sentence!), but the story was engaging. I chuckled at the end: her criteria now include "Not-A-Kevin"!

Score: n/a

Member Name: Tau
Title: Lysithea Dream

Comments: There were a few misspellings and errors (thees/these, gourds/guards). Be careful with apostrophes; make sure you use them for possessives like "Doctorís". Also, remember to capitalize and punctuate sentences, even when they're in quotes.

The story got off to a slow start for me, but I got into it when I realized that the poem/lyrics represented the girl's thoughts. I especially like the irony of the General getting his "perfect partner", but he's her nightmare!

Score: n/a

Originally posted by Greg House (SD)


Member Name: Wishful Writer

Title: The Burned List

Ah, teenage crush. Is there ever anything that hurts as much? Wanting someone but never able to have them. That has to be the cruellest feeling in the world. A few grammatical niggles, but overall a competent piece. I especially enjoyed the laughing when she found out about the baby, and the "Not-a-Kevin" stipulation which she added to her list. Well done.

Member Name: Tau

Title: Lysithea Dream

I'm afraid that there were a few mistakes in this piece that managed to break up the flow of my reading, which lead to me not enjoying the story as much. However, on a positive note, the story was well done, mistakes notwithstanding. A good job - just proof read over and over again to get rid of those misspellings and errors!
Originally posted by Q Wands
****************************************

Member Name: ~WishfulWriter~
Title: The Burned List

Mechanics: n/a
Intangibles: n/a
Overall Impression: n/a

Comments: A few errors of grammar and syntax, but my main gripe is that this was more about a non-boyfriend (I think) who certainly doesnít quality as a Perfect Partner; and it reads like non-fiction. Still, you were lucky not to catch this loser.

Score: n/a

****************************************

Member Name: Tau
Title: Lysithea Dream

Mechanics: n/a
Intangibles: n/a
Overall Impression: n/a

Comments: Quite a few typos but, if I recall rightly you are not working on your usual computer, so donít have your regular spell check. Still, you delivered on the prompt with quite a nasty little twist at the end. I really liked this.

Score: n/a

****************************************
Originally posted by Devon


Member: Wishful Writer
Title: The Burned List

Comments: Not a created partner, but an interesting story nonetheless. Makes me wonder what you would have made with the large list of qualities and qualifications you seem to have!

Score: n/a

* * *
Member:
Tau
Title: Lysithea Dream

Comments: This was very well played out. SPAG errors scattered throughout, but the underlying story was solid and the creation of the perfect partner theme used accurately. Nicely done.

Score: n/a


Originally posted by Chloe


Member: Wishful Writer
Title: The Burned List

Comments: I found this a little difficult to read, as it seemed you were unsure whether to write from the young girl's perspective, or from the older and wiser woman's perspective. The last line made me chuckle, although I was hoping for more of a tie-in to the theme. Good work, though; the desperation of the main character certainly shone through.

Score: N/A

-----

Member: Tau
Title: Lysithea Dream

Comments:
This is an interesting spin on the theme, Tau, and leaves me feeling a little uneasy. A good edit would have allowed me to enjoy the story more, but that can't be helped right now. I would actually like to see this turned into a longer story, so well done.

Score:
N/A


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