WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > General Discussion > Writers' Cafe

Writers' Cafe Get a drink, sit down to relax, and chit-chat with other writers.


oh how I hate editing posts, so share with me then

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #6151  
Old 07-28-2018, 03:10 PM
Grace Gabriel's Avatar
Grace Gabriel (Offline)
Always Online
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,571
Thanks: 2,116
Thanks 1,133
Default


So. Midnight then, as the old house wheezed and coughed-up the day's heat from every gaping door and window. Grace sat with her chin resting on her knees - the silhouette of a pixie against the glare of the screen. She bit her lip and slowly slid the keyboard away from her like a drunk rejecting the glass that promised to make the room spin. "Fuck it", she told the empty room, alarming the dog to an instant 'stand and attack' stance. Her first crescendo of taps on the keyboard soothed him enough to slump at her feet again. "This awakened libido of yours Flea - this new zest for life - its a normal response to the threat of death. The human reflex to drowning is to start kicking hard and adrenalin takes over." Grace paused, wondering whether to choose her words carefully or just plough wildly onwards and run amok in the china shop. "You're in the driving seat now Flea", Grace said softly, "no longer just the purveyor of toilet rolls ...no longer the docile domestic automaton awaiting his next errand. If the power play of your marriage emasculated you, then recent events have turned the tables. You're now her rock, her sanctuary - you're the captain of the ship. This aliveness you're feeling is adrenalin and regained elevation to the status of 'protector' again. Our 'fight or flight' response gives us super-human energy and a heightened acuity to cope with the challenge." And Grace chewed her lip, trying her best not to offer advice, as this was the goblin's clifftop to scream from and she didn't want to utter a phrase that would stop the cathartic flow that was probably Flea's only outlet."Over the years, I've had several crushes", Grace confessed, despising the word for all its pretence of youthful innocence. "Overwhelming Flea - painful and all-consuming in their ferocity yet a welcome mental construct to blank out fear and loneliness." And Grace wondered if Flea would recoil at what she was implying, so persuaded by the opiate rush of the human heart. "I've craved sex for its unity, comfort, energy, wordless connection and life-affirming baseness. I've yearned to relinquish my lot, albeit briefly, by being absorbed into another, carefree, vibrant body. Pure escapism Flea, and harmless enough". Grace paused to focus -wanting to get across that there was nothing for him to feel guilty for - no mental infidelity on his part. "The girl of your dreams sounds intoxicating... unpredictable...irresponsible ..fearless. Perhaps all the things you want to be. Perhaps all the things that your Captain once was. But now is not the time to become unhinged. You're neither bar fly nor brawler - this isn't the promise of a future to latch onto, however much you crave to see a rescue boat on the horizon - some new normality to quickly step aboard before the waters of grief can swirl around your ankles. Yes, you can mourn those barren years of platonic companionship - but remember that security, comfort and permanence was the trade-off for intimacy - and if fear wasn't rocking your established pattern of life, would you perhaps recognise a crush for all it is?" And with that, Grace erupted from her chair, swatting at miniscule insects that had left her itching and burning from their silent assaults on her flesh. She snatched up the bottle of water on her desk and showered it over her head like a marathon runner breaking the tape. "Perhaps you do love her", Grace continued, "for the colour, the drama, the sheer aliveness of this lady. And my only right to comment or advise is because I love you unconditionally." Grace sighed. "But at least be aware that daydreams and unspoken love should give you comfort, and not make you feel torn in loyalties or less of an honest and faithful husband for thinking them. The mind creates mechanisms to help us cope Flea - don't let them become an additional torture." And Grace made a conscious effort not to read back lest the 'delete' button promised a diplomacy that her nature wasn't capable of. She pressed 'submit' - smiling at the irony of the word before she vanished into the shadows.

__________________
GRACE GABRIEL

Last edited by Grace Gabriel; 07-28-2018 at 03:34 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Grace Gabriel For This Useful Post:
anna (07-29-2018), fleamailman (07-28-2018), Prodigalson (07-30-2018)
  #6152  
Old 07-29-2018, 02:46 AM
anna (Offline)
Dedicated Writer
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 191
Thanks: 123
Thanks 120
Default

fleamailman was simply words on a page as was Gracie and anna, his were written by a man in Switzerland then, he may well have a beautiful wife, she may well be ailing and the referencing made for real then - in that context we can all empathise deeply and wish the very best of outcomes for those concerned, family and friends. flea the man behind the goblin couldn’t be known here though, not really - and the choice he had portrayed - between two women - could represent decisions we all make within ourselves everyday in the context of our own real lives - and his flaws, his vulnerability, misgivings, complications and eloquence were all universally held. She wiggled out of a riotous kitchen and positioned a coffee pot gently in their direction, see anna felt unconditional love to be the placing of someone into their own hands and the death of someone close to our heart simply held up that mirror into us for reflection ... she whispered awkwardly ... ‘naah, I think the choice represented here affects everyone and lies hidden within all manner of things, it much depends on the angle of your interpretation, I mean you can pilot someone’s vessel through challenging water, you can navigate them into a harbor but you can’t actually save them.’ she stared out of the window transfixed, then added ‘this may all sound like nonsense to you and it is, and this posting feels like drowning for all ones attempts at poetry - but that doesn’t matter neither does it babe - because we’re all in this madness together and it’s nice to banter.’


Last edited by anna; 07-29-2018 at 04:06 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to anna For This Useful Post:
fleamailman (07-30-2018), Grace Gabriel (07-29-2018)
  #6153  
Old 07-29-2018, 11:07 AM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

("...I love the posts and the posters for their individuality here..." ventured the goblin, adding "...I mean there's no right way to post only your way to post but if your way of posting is repeated often enough then two things are bound to happen, your brushwork makes you stand out against those who don't post or hardly post, and your persona comes to the fore by what of yourself you choose to relate, love your posts...", back to topic then and the goblin confided "...I think a lot of men my age carry that beer belly simply to state that they're off the market, Grace is right about those hormones returning with putting oneself back on the market, which I must it seems, no I promise to be a good goblin while there's a mrs goblin, mind I always have and probably put myself off the market to make sure I was, where today I walked alone with my thoughts from the plain de aiguille to the station of montenvers, a good three hours trek over some of the most boulder packed views of the alp going, so my neck is burned to a lobster, my legs are probably legs and mine still but feeling like they want to be somebody else's legs by now, but the gut feeling was one of that inner happiness of overcoming the challenge while not knowing that one could overcome a challenge like this, three hours is a lot of time to think over people's replies and reassess one's own values from them too, thanks Grace, thanks anna...")

Last edited by fleamailman; 07-29-2018 at 11:17 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (07-30-2018), Grace Gabriel (07-29-2018)
  #6154  
Old 07-30-2018, 05:31 AM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

repost from elsewhere


"...you're amazing, well worth reading too, and clearly I'm very lucky to have your correspondence as it helps, and because you're the only person I can be truthful to..." related the goblin before adding "...so I'm bailing out water so that the ship doesn't sink, meanwhile I'm learning to swim in case that ship does sink, because I don't want to live alone afterwards, and where all I can promise is not to sign any sexual contract with someone while she lives, easy as that's me as how it has been to date, no it's not perfect but it's correct in my view, in that one can't make someone love someone else, yet one can be super caring, attentive, listening, and there for her too, but the piece that is missing is missing and is not within me, no I'm good at lying, where if secrecy is the first rule in statehood, then lying becomes part and parcel of adulthood too, simply I can't give into neither heart nor head now..."


xxxx 6153 475509

Last edited by fleamailman; 07-30-2018 at 05:33 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (07-30-2018)
  #6155  
Old 07-30-2018, 05:39 AM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

"...her meds are really kicking in now..." mentioned the goblin returned from work to a wife who looks so ill, confiding "...you're right though, I must live through this, she vomits, hair loss, off color, you name it, it's how she is, and dare I say that all this somehow comes across as a trial run for what happens eventually, anyway, we promised to go to on holiday at the end of this year, me I'll go anywhere she wishes to though I suspect it'll be more like those places we're been to before, no I'm ok with anything, all said and done she's my friend still...", and with that the goblin promised to return in the morning, smiling "...in truth I should be writing this all down relating myself, reflecting here, planning, and seeing ahead too, instead I'm just doing "anything else but here then" it seems, yet no it's so slow in its passing, plenty of time to put it into written words later, something like philosophy is then, being great advice beforehand and afterwards too, yet falling short of helpful at the time, where now I'm just living with her cancer while she intakes that poison still..."


Last edited by fleamailman; 08-11-2018 at 09:51 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (07-30-2018), Grace Gabriel (07-30-2018)
  #6156  
Old 07-30-2018, 07:16 PM
Prodigalson's Avatar
Prodigalson (Online)
Homer's Odyssey Was Nothing
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Humboldt Co., CA
Posts: 2,252
Thanks: 252
Thanks 452
Default

Originally Posted by fleamailman View Post
"...she's my friend still..."
Key words, there fleamailman. Lovers come and lovers go, but a true friend is hard to find, and if you're still friends with her after all these years, I would say that trumps any primal urge you have to go fuck someone else.

Not that you shouldn't, but remember where the heart is, and realize the other is just a release.

No reason you can't have both.
__________________
Mr. Ed said I should use his signature, since he's not anymore. In honor of his good friend Nok, here it is: "As far as smoking a cigar," she said, "I'd not know where to start or how to start." "It's simple," said I, "You light one end and chew on the other and hope to meet in the middle."
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Prodigalson For This Useful Post:
anna (07-30-2018), fleamailman (08-01-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-04-2018)
  #6157  
Old 07-30-2018, 09:16 PM
anna (Offline)
Dedicated Writer
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 191
Thanks: 123
Thanks 120
Default

Originally Posted by Prodigalson View Post
Key words, there fleamailman. Lovers come and lovers go, but a true friend is hard to find, and if you're still friends with her after all these years, I would say that trumps any primal urge you have to go fuck someone else.

Not that you shouldn't, but remember where the heart is, and realize the other is just a release.

No reason you can't have both.
anna hoped BrokenPoem wouldn’t mind her placing his poem here out of the context he had put it in, it was a thing of beautiful - she hesitated before whispering ‘nevertheless such dirty in this context can be a costly thing’

Titan

the stone of self doubt sunk me
and I was pushed into the earth

when it reached my crotch
the pain was too much

so I threw it off
and although I can't get out

I am feeling better

and am hoping that a woman
who is not afraid to get dirty

can sit upon the earth before me
and quake it

BrokenPoem
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to anna For This Useful Post:
fleamailman (08-01-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-04-2018), Prodigalson (07-30-2018)
  #6158  
Old 08-01-2018, 11:08 AM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

repost form elsewhere


No reason you can't have both.
naah, the goblin knew that he wouldn't be unfaithful while his wife still lived, explaining "...I mean who could trust me if I did that even once, conversely could I really trust someone who permitted me to be unfaithful without my thinking that she too would permit herself to be just as unfaithful...", just that the goblin would let love go here and move on now, then adding "...anyway, I do the right thing and I'll keep doing the right thing by her, perhaps that's the reward in itself then, meanwhile though I prepare my body and mind for that situation that comes afterwards, for I'll be on the market sure enough, or should I keep the connection to her beyond her death too for that too is a possibility both by way of default or by my own choice here, yes "cross that bridge when one comes to it" you might say, but if I don't think about it before it comes then I doubt that I'll be ready for it when it does come, and come it will..."


Last edited by fleamailman; 08-11-2018 at 09:55 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-04-2018)
  #6159  
Old 08-01-2018, 11:13 AM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

repost from elsewhere, written some while back now

so, up close the goblin had been too engulfed to see the situation clearly, relating "...I sent the one I loved away, perhaps I'm not a man by it then, where love won't come again and where either way I doubt now that I'll ever get to marry someone after this, at least I wasn't unfaithful though, I mean she wasn't compromised nor tricked by me, moreover, I in my vanity hate that sort of man too, where merely I understood that at best I could ever give her was a home, a ring, and possibly a baby too, yet that would all come with the curse that we'd only have ten years together if that even, so my focus now is on my wife as it should be, and to do right by her now, just it's not love though, instead it's all about how I see myself here, yes I'm vain in my act of selflessness, but at least I can live with vanity afterwards..."




xxxx 6158 475910

Last edited by fleamailman; 08-14-2018 at 09:25 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-04-2018)
  #6160  
Old 08-02-2018, 02:12 AM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

repost from elsewhere

the goblin returned to the awaiting slot and xxxxx once more, relating "...a lunacy on my part, but I saw the moon in full eclipse yesterday, and as my wife and I looked up at it from our balcony it looked so ill in its off color, both real and unreal too, and somehow I knew that my wife and I were thinking upon the same lines at that point, drawing that comparison there under the coincidence of it all..." where one couldn't hurry it along now any more than one could turn it back neither, just it seemed a cancer in the dark sickly night's sky where to look at it it so resembled death close up, and then the goblin looked at he wife again hoping she hadn't read his thoughts here as he pretended that he hadn't read hers neither


xxxx 6159 476008

Last edited by fleamailman; 08-14-2018 at 09:28 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-02-2018)
  #6161  
Old 08-03-2018, 08:55 PM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

repost from elsewhere


"...that makes two of us now..." replied the goblin who was ever in need of a hug, saying "...personally I think women should stop selling their bodies for immoral reasons, and instead just let me hug the one that likes me back for thirty seconds for a packet of cigarettes, yes that would be more profitable, where I do know that cigarettes are bad for you, but it'll probably turn out that hugs are bad for you too, but I can't think of a nicer way to die though...", just that society was too cold by half with never enough hugs to go round


Last edited by fleamailman; 08-14-2018 at 09:58 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-04-2018)
  #6162  
Old 08-06-2018, 03:38 AM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

repost from elsewhere, chatting with anna, a post a bit prior to the above one

"...yes, I lack that positive skinship in my life, and no I don't mean it in the sexual way though, more it's just like the scene in midnight cowboy when ratso opens jon voight's shirt and rests his cheek on jon's stomach as if to cry or to just to feel comforted, yes just I would love to have a dog or a cat, or someone to just hug for 30seconds each day at least..." mentioned the goblin who had no physical contact with anyone really, yes it's "no pets allowed and no hugs never", sighing "...ok, since I now understand that I've got to live through this ending, I've stopped letting myself go like before, no I'm more active, I've lost weight, and generally taking more care of myself too, however now that I'm not letting myself go anymore I'm left kind of wondering what I'm supposed to be holding myself on for...", meanwhile the sun just shone in utter indifference to the goings on of all the humans below, perhaps knowing that all things just passed anyway


xxxx 6161 476687

Last edited by fleamailman; 08-06-2018 at 04:37 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-06-2018)
  #6163  
Old 08-06-2018, 03:51 AM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

repost from elsewhere, the writer's forum before writersbeat forum


Hi there fleamailman may I ask why you are banned from that site?
"...well for one I wanted to write in posts as a livewriter, no I felt that posts were the actual future of writing per se not books, secondly and and as I pointed out previously too I started my edit threads there and both times I did the admin came along and just deleted them without warning, thirdly, I'd bump my thread with a new work and that narked them because bumping a thread was against their rules, fourthly to maintain my persona I wrote as I do now in third person under the guise of a goblin, where I imagine instead they wanted someone who would write normally like those "meat and two veg books elsewhere writertypes" do, just those whose posts fell ever short of their ability to write by looks of things, just saying..." related the goblin somewhat grateful for that ban today, then adding "...and besides, I dare anyone to find even one malicious post by me, naah that's never been my style as seen here, however that was back then, all those many years ago now, so I stuck to my guns at the time and that cost me my membership there, no they even went as far as to ask me not to mention livewriting, actually one's writing in posts is livewriting as it's the live context that makes it so live by it, in short xxxxx, I didn't understand them and they didn't understand me, being well founded grounds for a divorce I suppose..."



Last edited by fleamailman; 08-06-2018 at 03:57 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-06-2018)
  #6164  
Old 08-06-2018, 04:02 AM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

repost from elsewhere, jat's place

"...good to see that you're still pulling out aces there..." smiled the goblin wondering why so few folks took time out of their dailylives to write what they felt, adding "...me, I'm living with her chemotherapy while she's lives on with her cancer, just they poison her to cure her while she mostly vomits up that which she swallows down, thus she eats more but she still loses weight too, yes it's a silent fight where the more there are words of comfort the less she believes in them, and where my role at this point is to remove hair from her hairbrush, take the cold milk out of the fridge because those cold objects burn her fingers, and to be there when she needs me, meanwhile I work as a different person, yes I hide it well xxxxx, no I even promise my wife that we'll go only holiday at the end of the year, knowing that if I break then each member of my family will break too, so I cannot break xxxxx...", to which the goblin paused to reflect upon what he meant, rewording it by "...pain to open the eyes, no I was asleep till all this happened, now at least I'm awake I guess, perhaps a bit too awake though..."



Last edited by fleamailman; 08-06-2018 at 04:48 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-06-2018)
  #6165  
Old 08-06-2018, 08:06 PM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

repost from elsewhere


"...you found me Grace, Jats is still here too, seems just like the old days then..." smiled the goblin who'd take time out to reply in full later, but summarizing now by relating "...actually she worked with me Grace though she has now left without a word by looks of things, no I declined her final offer as I'm not that type of man, no I'm proud to be a doormat but ever a doormat who only allows one woman at a time to walk over me, btw would I have liked to have been that alpha man instead, naah probably too much guilt and insecurity there, I mean who could trust me after the fact, so I'll rightly go down with the ship as planned, but then I'll swim away if I can and if there's someone worth swimming to...", odd because normally women outlived their husbands so husbands didn't get to face this type thing, to which the goblin explained "...alas in her bolting I didn't get the time to explain to her my side then, perhaps I would have said "look, I can give you a ring, a home, and possibly a baby too, but they all come under the shadow of my age in that I doubt that I have ten years left in me, and thus this leaves you as a single mother by it", where if she had still said "yes, even at that" then I might have asked her to wait for me now, the pangs are still there, yet now that she has bolted, part of me says "let her go for this is how she really is, and not the way you imagined her to be"..."



xxxx 6164 476783

Last edited by fleamailman; 08-06-2018 at 08:14 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-06-2018)
  #6166  
Old 08-06-2018, 08:46 PM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

repost from elsewhere,


the goblin returned, and had kind of summed his wife's cancer much in the way Grace he put it in her post there, confiding "...yes it's like blackmail isn't it, cancer is a blackmailer who demands treatment from one offering an extension of one's life at the price of one's failing health, so one pays off the blackmailer at an increasingly steep price until in the end it isn't so much the cancer itself but at some time and place before that death there where one caves in and admits to oneself "enough, this isn't a life worth enduring anymore"...", and no the goblin's wife was still well to look at, without undue signs of alarm now, cooping with it only as a shadow within her imagination, then the goblin sighed "...all said and done, she's still my friend throughout, so I'll do what's right by her, moreover I can't afford to break over this, simply I must see her out in whichever way she wants, and in whichever way I can too, yes I admit that we were loveless too long to be all loveful now, but I won't throw her prior rejection of me back at her now, no I'll be that caring if not loving husband to the last then...", and then the goblin laughed at himself for the absurdity of it all, adding "...yes it's odd how my persona of this goblin on the internet here is far more honest with you than that old man in his dailylife ever is, yet both are just acts in their different ways, yet they're me all the same, I am me by this..."



Last edited by fleamailman; 08-07-2018 at 09:30 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-06-2018)
  #6167  
Old 08-07-2018, 01:19 AM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

repost form elsewhere, nacia's "let talk" thread


"...I'm in communication with some folks here..." mentioned the goblin noting how sometimes it was either someone's pm over some matter, being a few pms and then silence till the next round of something some while later, while other times it was more constant like a thread in private, stating "...yes, it's fruitful as a practice if you team up with someone, me I'm much in anna's debt for her just being anna with me, and no I'll never meet her though, it's as I said before, the persona dies in the moment of the encounter...", where the goblin's goal remained to create a evolving persona that never grew old by it, smiling "...when online like this one's act becomes one's virtual reality here, alas my dailylife is just my other act I suppose, though which is those two acts is more honest with you just depends upon how honest I am with myself really..."


Last edited by fleamailman; 08-07-2018 at 09:31 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-07-2018)
  #6168  
Old 08-07-2018, 08:37 PM
anna (Offline)
Dedicated Writer
Official Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 191
Thanks: 123
Thanks 120
Default

a repost made for bp - from - wild times, flames and fucks with flea



anna was thinking on her answer to he who had asked a more beautiful question ...

today then and her life was a pack of cards, the real more fake and fraudulent than any dream held honestly and shared between them here ... she wasn’t sure how to explain the nonsense so she cupped a bone china tea pulled up a chair to the table and began. ‘See as part of anna’s PPI claim she had requested they do a blanket search across properties and accounts and not only would it appear that her ex boyfriend had set up a historic joint loan account unbeknown to her - the bank had made the greater detail of this mysterious joint loan account off limits too - because at the same time as it appeared the boyfriend had set it up with no PPI as noted - they had been known to create secondary phantom loan accounts with the PPI. So it would appear he had faked her signature then and they had faked his ... and this all on the back of anna’s making of substantial wealth for them both to have benefited and now with nothing, the account closed and the bank and her ex boyfriend worth millions ... ‘funny sometimes your eyes just leak tears from some well within’ she thought - to him.


Last edited by anna; 08-11-2018 at 05:43 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to anna For This Useful Post:
fleamailman (08-07-2018)
  #6169  
Old 08-08-2018, 10:43 AM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

repost from elsewhere, before it all turned sour

"...well anna is real fighter, life throws her a lot of obstacles her way and still she finds time to write, as if to say to life "see I'm still writing, still here, and this day will pass and there I'll still be at the end of it"..." voiced the goblin as if reminding himself of that too, then adding "...well something else that I find out that is not over is the one I thought had gone as returned to work and thus she and I work together again, and yes I'm more in love with her than ever, and yes both of us are in deep without culminating our relationship as of yet, so it's like real obvious now, she needs me because clearly I can heal her emotionally, and I need her not least because I too love that role of healing someone emotionally, simply it's the challenge of finding someone who is quite broken and mending them of their past by building up their confidence again, that me to a tee...", and then the goblin explained "...no, she is going to teach me french, and although I can more than get by in french as it is, I know that what I say isn't quite how a french person would actually put it, oh yes, I could turn her into my mistress instead, I mean she has asked me to, I refused though as that would open her wound even further, I mean nobody wants to be kept by someone else really, not as someone on the side, why, because it's both unsure in itself and demeaning in its status...", no, this way it was all above board, hearts could pound without recrimination, anyone could see us without pointing fingers, and all could suspect what they liked, yet she would grow confident in herself as a french teacher, because I'm good at teaching how to teach, which kind of left only two problems, his wife and his sexual ability, saying "...my wife is still my close friend whatever, and there's certainly no way that I would leave her in her present state and have that guilt clogging up my conscience afterwards, no things have to continue as before, as they are then, and how they'll turn out, the "pt4a without" isn't manifest at this point but it is what it is...", and then the goblin turned to the other matter, confiding "...actually my manhood matters to me one hell of a lot, no I want to be able to do it anna, both in myself just as much as in the ability to finish her too, it's part of being a confident man, and although to date I accepted celibacy for the sake of the family, the family is now grownup, and simply my wife hasn't reached out and touched me for no reason in all so so many years, she's still my friend though, I remain both faithful and celibate but I have to take matters into my own hands afterwards, I will be a man once more, it's important to me..."


xxxx 6168 477178

Last edited by fleamailman; 08-08-2018 at 10:59 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-08-2018)
  #6170  
Old 08-08-2018, 12:06 PM
Grace Gabriel's Avatar
Grace Gabriel (Offline)
Always Online
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,571
Thanks: 2,116
Thanks 1,133
Default

"Sweet Jesus Flea!", Grace spluttered, monitor sprayed with coffee now as the bite of an inhaled Cappuchino rasped in her airway. And Grace dismissed the idea that Flea was losing his mind through the quick realisation of where that blood was pumping to then - roaring with laughter now, as she agreed wholeheartedly that he should indeed "take matters into his own hands". And Grace padded off along the corridor, chuckling to herself as she went to find a cloth to wipe the monitor with - no, now was not the time to describe her English sunset ..
__________________
GRACE GABRIEL
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Grace Gabriel For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), fleamailman (08-08-2018)
  #6171  
Old 08-08-2018, 11:51 PM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

("...well yes Grace, I thought that post might pique your interest somewhat but there's not much point in having an anonymous persona online if one isn't going to be openly honest with oneself while going about it..." replied the goblin aware that it was over anyway, but that it had been a wonderful distraction without incrimination at the time, restarting "...and so, a week off work with the captain, mostly time to do housework, talk about things pending, and oscillate between my home and this bistro, simply if I'm too much at home it looks suspicious, no not of my behavior, which I repeat I'm still innocent of, pity though, but more that I didn't trust in her cure...", in fact, the captain was well to look at, yet tomorrow would be her next injection, adding "...so I'm there with her yet not too there by it, and besides, the more I speak the less I'm saying, meaning the more comfort I offer her the less comforting I am...")


repost from elsewhere, chatting with anna

"...I do read your posts, each post each time, and yes you're a woman whom I'm both able to listen to and able to relate myself to too..." mentioned the goblin grateful then adding "...naah it's not for me to advise you though, it's for you to relate yourself here to find yourself by it, I mean how could I possibly know what's best for you now, but I'll take all your love and hate as it comes and still be there for you afterwards, I mean in these many years did I ever stop coming here...", and then the goblin laughed "...I'm hansom, somewhat short, and thus very goblinlike even in my dailylife, however, I'm faithful to my habits, no you need never worry about my returning for you here, miss whoeveryouare, I mean this part of me is ever yours it seems..."


xxxx 6170 477338

Last edited by fleamailman; 08-09-2018 at 10:03 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-09-2018)
  #6172  
Old 08-09-2018, 03:16 AM
Grace Gabriel's Avatar
Grace Gabriel (Offline)
Always Online
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,571
Thanks: 2,116
Thanks 1,133
Default

"Sing out your soul Flea", Grace smiled, reserving the right to be amused or alarmed by it in the name of audience participation. And Grace was weary this morning and looking out on freshly soaked hills, with everything bathed in a curious yellow light. And two coffees had missed their mark and a shower hadn't made her feel anymore vital so far. And Grace had broken off from jotting down a list of things she needed to do, aware that her brain wasn't up to reliable recall today. "No, there's nothing fresher about it", Grace offered, standing at the open door now and inhaling deeply. "It just smells like damp dust out there". Disappointed, she flumped back down on the chair and amused herself with probing an insect bite with a paperclip, quickly fashioned for the task. A few vicious prods and squeezes yielded something as fine as an eyelash before she tossed the paperclip back in the pen holder to resume her post. "Your head's on high spin", Grace wrote, recognising all the colours that swirled in that maelstrom behind the glass door of his mind. "Y'know, every washing machine has that safety feature now, where the damn thing bleeps away but won't let you open the door when the wash cycle ends," she wrote, finding a fundamental wisdom in doing nothing until things settled, "it will all separate itself out effortlessly when your mind stops churning Flea", she finished, hoping a third coffee would do it for her then, as she sloped off to the kitchen.
__________________
GRACE GABRIEL
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Grace Gabriel For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), fleamailman (08-09-2018)
  #6173  
Old 08-09-2018, 09:56 AM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

("...well, since I have your permission, thought I'd repost this one then..." smiled the goblin who was kind of amazed the way those to took this livewriting lark seriously enough, just got so much better with the practice of it, save for Grace though who seemed to do amazing posts from the get go, then the goblin just smile that same old refrain "...we're few amongst the many amoungst the millions out there...")

repost from elsewhere

"Here then", Grace mentioned, logging onto the site solely to make her name appear at the bottom of the page - "my support ", Grace offered, unable to muster any interest in the offerings of the threads, but keeping the door open on her world in a visible silent connection then. And the evening air felt cool enough for a stroll down to the village - the promise of a choc ice giving meaning to an otherwise unnecessary excursion. Old Faithful was alert and agitating now - understanding the cues of shoes being pulled on and keys jangling. And Little Man had vanished along the corridor looking for his other sock - "no doubt with a sole as blackened and ripe as the other one", Grace wrote, marvelling at how basic grooming seemed to fly the coup the second the school term ended. And Grace ran a hand through her hair and hoisted the pair of shorts that hung precariously from her hip bones - ready to exchange pleasantries and pass the time of day with whoever then, as Little Man sailed along on his bicycle and the dog ran forwards and back, collecting smells and herding his family together. And Grace hugged Flea tight before leaving, so wanting to tell him that everything would be all right yet knowing the truth is that everything will just be then. xx
"...it's beautiful to see someone bring their homelife to the page in such vivid imagery, you'll keep your posts safe won't you, it's precisely this type of stuff that most folks want to read really, a journal of sorts, moments of other worlds..." smiled the goblin caught too late in the evening to do justice in his reply, but then adding by way of exchange "...the captain and I sat for about an hour on the balcony to look at the raging storm around us, a blessing after the summer's heat, and then we talked about nothing in particular for an hour or so, a shared activity of friends like this, so she's in bed now, not sick nor sad, nor even thinking about it neither, yes the rain had stopped now though the balcony candles flicker away to a faintly rumbling sky, as the evening's darkness envelopes me in thought still, and now your pm too, such a touching ending to a lone day off, thanks Grace...", simply the goblin was happy, no it didn't take much to make him happy, where just so many things could have made him unhappy


xxxx 6172 477450

Last edited by fleamailman; 08-09-2018 at 10:05 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-11-2018)
  #6174  
Old 08-10-2018, 02:20 AM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

repost from elsewhere, chatting to anna


"...here for you as best I can, glad to hear your son's head is unaffected by his injury, can't say so much for mine at this point, for cupid has bitten smitten and spat me out too in no half measure..." went the goblin on a day just too hot to write really, then adding "...no, your world please, mine is uninspired to the point of tedium...", meaning she didn't come to work then, the goblin just smiled sideways relating "...no, she got me to promise to come to work and then didn't show up herself, and yes won't say anything till the next time she asks me to promise her something else, after all women always like to be reminded that I'm paying attention to them...", in fact, there was no rush where that was concerned, whatever it was, it was but a sideshow really other event would take over soon enough


Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-11-2018)
  #6175  
Old 08-10-2018, 04:42 AM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

repost from elsewhere, chatting with anna,

"....your posts each differ enjoyably, and yet they're still quite you behind them..." observed the goblin sick with a love bent mind, adding "...no, as long as it's all at the flirtation stage still and as long as I remain firmly in her friend zone too, then I can dream it to its full, yes I guess that's why I refused to advance further with her till she names a church, odd that, I mean usually those are the woman's terms in this aren't they, times must have changed then or is it just me again, but I'm not willing to invest in someone who is noncommittal, besides in this my present long long long marriage I've only ever been unfaithful once for a short while, it taught me much about myself and the context therein, of its risks, those lies, the guilt, the excuses towards that guilt there, and then that inevitable betrayal to both women in the end followed by the grand effort to fling it to the past, and its becoming yet another ghost best left buried there undisturbed, one of a me that wasn't really me by it, a me by thoughtlessness, no I still wish I could be an alpha male anna, a mcbeth type perhaps, all spur of the moment, action, passion, move on to the next one, no instead I'm a creature of conscience anna, yes a real hamlet if ever there was one, someone governed by both implications and consequences...", and with that the goblin bade the slot swallow the post down as the old man on the outside of himself moved back his focus towards the day's duties once more, where none of any of this mattered longterm, sighing "...all just a sideshow really..."


xxxx 6174 477570
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-11-2018)
  #6176  
Old 08-11-2018, 02:04 AM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

repost from elsewhere


"...she just builds me up to knock me down..." observed the goblin having been asked by her to promise he would be there, and both times being stood up in the process, sighing "...pity, I had hopes for a future with her even, but she's clearly too young now, or I'm too old by looks of things, and perhaps it's just a combination of those both then, no I'm looking for a woman with more reliability now, btw a week off from work starting tomorrow, hope she isn't sweet to me when I return, for it doesn't make me love nor hate emotionally, no it just makes me forget her really, stupid that I haven't forgotten her already though..."


Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-11-2018)
  #6177  
Old 08-11-2018, 02:15 AM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

repost from elsewhere

the goblin was as good as surrounded by screaming kids at this point, so the bistro was best ignored away, instead he placed his headphone squarely over his ears and drowned out their noise with his noise and the intermittent rain outside too, and all for the internet he could muster and what he felt to be anna home always, relating "...share your red wine with me, no, I doubt I'll ever see any grandchildren myself, but I'm ok with that, actually I'm ok with most things really, just take whatever life dishes out I suppose and carry on anyway, make it to the end that day there and the day was won regardless of what happened in it, the day is gone and one remains...", where life was ever this "winning the unwinnable one day at a time", confiding "...to be honest I'm not really cut out for this death close up experience neither, but hell if that is what is lined up for me shortly, then just bring it on because I'll write its contours as delicately with my pen as I can while I live on through it too, why, because ever something stronger than now remains of what we do in life, and if I don't write it down then whatever that experience was at the time it was is just wasted upon me wasn't it, so death can kill around me yet only I can write this moment as should be written by me, for ours is to witness, for we are those who are left behind to recall its passing, something stronger than now it is..."



xxxx 6176 477709

Last edited by fleamailman; 08-11-2018 at 02:25 AM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-11-2018)
  #6178  
Old 08-11-2018, 08:52 AM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

repost from elsewhere, chatting to anna



...one of your best, needs reading twice though, and yes I did that too..." smiled the goblin, who what with his wife being out somewhere, had taken off his shoes and then played some of those old tracks from his youth, and all to see if he could still remember how he had once danced, if he still could dance for that matter, and how it felt again, how it would feel anew, relating "...well back then, my idea of a night out was to go out alone, dance through the night alone, and then walk home alone too, just to enjoy the music through my body like that, no I remember I wore dark clothes and flat soles, and was often mistaken for someone gay in fact, chatted up by both men and women alike, politely sidetracking them for myself each time for the sake of the music alone, but that music was my enchantress anna where my movements to it were my choreography towards her in a worship where each moment I moved my body in perfect timing to her calls, her needs then, and today too I danced just like back then, naah not everything was like before though, but the focus was there alright, and the timing too, and the stamina for the most part, but soon my sweet miss whoeveryouare my body, old as it pretends to be, will answer to my command for her once more, so let my sex drive take a backseat now, first comes myself on my terms again, for I will dance alone as should be and she will be worshiped like no other I promise..."

Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-11-2018)
  #6179  
Old 08-11-2018, 09:04 AM
fleamailman's Avatar
fleamailman (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6,720
Thanks: 2,644
Thanks 4,013
Default

repost from elsewhere, still chatting to anna


"...no we'll never meet, but perhaps irony would have it that you were perfect for me in real life too, only that then I'd lose the you here for the real life you there, best not risk it..." smiled the goblin in the early morning darkness after a sleepless night, somehow being in love hadn't stopped the emotional pull just because it had ended, no the recriminations on his part are partly due his old age and to her leading him on like that, sighing "...over now, pity though, let's move on if my heart will let me, easier said than done when she works with you...", the first morning's light was sliding in though the partly open french windows now, where together with a chorus of birds and car traffic accompanied by some distant airplane somewhere, it all kept the lone goblin company, yes the captain would be up shortly where both he and her would ready for their respective appointments, her injection at the hospital, his trip to chamonix, and yes he had asked but she insisted to go alone, to which he explained "...the poisoning then, it'll be tonight and tomorrow mostly, after that she slowly recover like before...", but then the goblin's mind went back to a moment in his past when he and the captain had had a falling out, where she in her tantrum had pulled off the ring and where he not knowing what to do with it had inadvertently placed it on his little finger next to his wedding ring, it looked real odd though, two identical wedding rings one next to each other, but for a month he had carried that rings around till she finally she actually asked for hers back saying how awful it looked on me, confiding "...it's too small for either of us now, she wears other rings today, though if she does die as predicted by those behind her back say, then I'll have her ring resized and then just like my own wedding today I'll never take that one off neither..."



Last edited by fleamailman; 08-11-2018 at 09:58 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fleamailman For This Useful Post:
anna (08-14-2018), Grace Gabriel (08-11-2018)
  #6180  
Old 08-11-2018, 11:37 AM
Grace Gabriel's Avatar
Grace Gabriel (Offline)
Always Online
Official Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,571
Thanks: 2,116
Thanks 1,133
Default

"I'm not one for jigsaw puzzles Flea", Grace answered, "but I know the best approach is to work from the edges in - those straight lines giving the certainties that frame all the intricate dove-tailing at its heart." Grace paused to conjure a clear surface in her mind to show him what she meant. "Corner right and left, both top and bottom is your loyalty", she murmured, dropping those sturdy right angles into place, knowing that nothing could exist for him outside of this absolute boundary. "But now you're looking at over 900 pieces that are all gun-metal grey", she said, waving her hand and sifting their uninspiring promise through her fingers. "A long and arduous task in their placing - and for what?", Grace questioned, "what will they add up to?" And Grace stirred the puzzle pile until she unearthed some colour - hot, vital, zesty colours that stood out like gemstones - and her fingers itched to place them through curiosity and attraction. "They're all part of the same picture Flea", she said, raising her eyes to him, "not different puzzles mixed together." And Grace knew that Flea was only focused on two scenarios for himself - his passive and blameless release from a solemn contract, or a future that only dealt him gun-metal grey. And Grace slowly pushed two pieces towards him that would click together to form honesty and courage in union. "Yes, the captain may well recover", she proposed, "and you have every right as a human being to end that relationship yourself Flea", Grace said - a hardness to her voice now. And this was where the building of muscle was needed now - not pecs and abs but the fortitude to be considerate of someone else without forsaking his own happiness. "Yes, of course you feel like a cad", Grace reasoned, "when the captain's demise will secure your freedom - and you hate yourself for dwelling more on the hope of change than the odds of securing more of the same." Grace swept the board to one side and reached out a hand for his. "Ardently support her recovery", Grace whispered, "with the peace of mind that you will be able to tell her the truth of it. You're there and you won't abandon your post - but don't keep up a pretence of a marriage that fulfils you. You can tell her with absolute certainty that she can count on you as long as she needs you Flea - count on you, yes, but not take you for granted." And Grace sat back, lost in thought now - knowing that the captain wouldn't find Flea inscrutable after all these years...women feel the drift and snap of invisible threads long before the words come. "My point is: plan an honest outcome. Run those words through your head until you convince yourself of your own genuine goodness and honour yet feel the power that comes from steering your own ship - from living authentically. No, the day might not come - but if your intention is resolute, honest and courageous, they'll be no guilt or self-hatred to live with." And Grace knelt down and gathered the two puzzle pieces - dropping them in his hand and kissing his knuckles for luck as his fingers closed over them. "Doesn't your captain have the right to plan and re-think herself too Flea", she whispered. x
__________________
GRACE GABRIEL

Last edited by Grace Gabriel; 08-11-2018 at 03:01 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Grace Gabriel For This Useful Post:
fleamailman (08-11-2018)
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > General Discussion > Writers' Cafe


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Hate Mail mindsthegap Non-Fiction 10 08-01-2009 11:13 AM
Why I hate Helen wannawrite Fiction 11 04-26-2007 09:57 AM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:32 PM.

vBulletin, Copyright © 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.