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Ink. [Poetic Conceit]

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Old 07-14-2009, 02:44 AM
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Default Ink. [Poetic Conceit]


A tolerance for tears.
Fears written where
No soul will see.

As her pen glides
Along this page,
She loses what respect
It once commanded.

This page once so pristine,
So beautiful.
Is marked, smudged with
Inked cathartic control.

No one will read this page.
No one will hear the ink scream.
No one will stop her.

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Old 07-14-2009, 06:24 PM
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(Argh! Had the whole thing typed up and hit ALT-back instead of CTRL-back!)

Hi Patient Zer0! Correct me if I'm wrong, because I'm not exactly sure of the metaphor here. I see the conceit being that the ink has a self and is effected by what it's used for. So it can scream or tolerate tears. That's an interesting idea! The instruments of writing--like pen, paper, whatever--are destroyed by the act of writing.

For me, the poem goes off track a bit when you focus more on the girl writing than the metaphor. That feels a bit like telling the secret instead of letting me figure it out. If the ink has a self and is being used to write despairing words, carry that a few steps further. Does that make the ink a counselor or confidante? Or more like an abused creature? Does the ink feel it can be loud enough? Would it be better used for something else, or is that use okay? Is the ink being sullied by tears the same way the paper is sullied by ink? There's a lot more metaphor you could explore.

By the way, "tolerance for tears" would be a great title! (When I saw "ink", I thought of tattoos.)

Thanks for sharing!
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Old 07-14-2009, 11:16 PM
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I like the ideas you had. Perhaps a re-write in a new direction is in order... =] This was supposed to be about self-harm. The "writing" is the self-harm. The ink screaming where no one hears is the fact that many of the scars are in places we'll never see. I'm not too good at conveying metaphors yet, haha. Thanks so much for the feedback though.
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Old 07-15-2009, 06:28 PM
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Your self-harm idea is pretty cool, though. I reread it with that in mind and understood it much better.

If by cutting herself she's "writing" on her body, there are a lot of writing/body associations you might try. Velum, a writing paper, is made from animal skins. So a description of the parchment or velum that she writes on could call to mind skin, then body, then person, without saying it aloud. A stylus (writing instrument) is used to cut or engrave words. All the works of an artist or author, put together, are called a "corpus", which means body.

What about the secret places where she cuts? Could you describe them in a way that could apply equally to hidden paper and covered body parts? Where do people hide diaries, for instance? Under the bed, in underwear drawers, behind books on a shelf? Where do people hide cuts?

It's a great idea with a lot of potential! I like extended metaphors like this; they make me think. Good luck working with it!
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Old 07-15-2009, 09:55 PM
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Thanks. I am glad to have joined this site. I'm getting such wonderful feedback!
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Old 07-16-2009, 12:38 AM
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"What about the secret places where she cuts? Could you describe them in a way that could apply equally to hidden paper and covered body parts? Where do people hide diaries, for instance? Under the bed, in underwear drawers, behind books on a shelf? Where do people hide cuts?"

---> The 'underwear drawers' part gave me a good idea.

like her skin is the diary of course so
--------------------------
A tolerance for tears
Fears written where
no soul will see.

Her diary lies.
Buried under underwear,
under where it hides.
Obscured, maligned.

Her pen glides,
belies the beauty
of the body
of work.

Betrays the sanctity
of this blessed vellum.

Relays a message
that will fall on deaf ears.

This page.
This catharsis-stained page.
Reality's sole stage.

But no one bought
tickets to this show.

No one will read this page.
No one will hear the ink scream.
No one will stop her.
-------------------------

----> Still needs some work, but I believe it's an improvement, and I'm fresh out of ideas at this point.
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Last edited by Patient Zer0; 07-19-2009 at 01:26 AM.. Reason: Fixt. aaand fixt. and fixt... fixt
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Old 08-02-2009, 07:43 PM
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(So this was an accidental post. I was in the wrong window. -epic fail-)
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Old 06-26-2010, 09:57 AM
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Reading the poem I totally got the self harm aspect. It was the shame, and scretive nature of the ink. The association of the body and the work. It is nice...I think the changes that HoiLei suggest are on track.
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Old 02-14-2014, 11:25 AM
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I like the rewrite of the poem, it contains more imagery and helps the intensity of her self-infliction.
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