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  #1  
Old 01-12-2018, 01:19 PM
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Default Arrr!


It's just a silly, little, unfinished thing.



Sally got kidnapped and she was very upset about this whole situation. It wasn’t the first that she had been kidnapped either, it had happened several times before: once when she was a little girl, once a day after her 14th birthday, during family vacations in Croatia, in collage a day before a very important exam, and now. And she was a grown woman now, nobody has time for such nonsense! It is her wedding day after all and she is not going to put up with these shenanigans on this occasion!

These are the worst kidnappers in the world, she thought as she stood tied to the mast pole on the pirate ship. I’m going to make a scene this time! She was very cross. And busy! Do they not understand that? She always got kidnapped by the same pirates, too. They would tie her to a pole, laugh, poke her with a long stick, and make her walk the plank. She would go back home soaking wet and mad as hell. And the police were useless! How many times does one need to rapport a pirate attack before one is taken seriously? It’s ridiculous, she thought as one of the pirates was approaching her with a poking device. He was smiling in a stupid way, his face was stupid, and everything about this whole ordeal was just… well, stupid.

- Oh, let’s just get it over with – said Sally irritated and rolled her eyes at the confused pirate.

- You are supposed to be scared! – he shouted with disappointment in his voice and his smile gave room to a frown. – It’s no fun if you are not scared, I could kill you, you know? – he threatened and poked the air in front of the girl. - Or at least hurt you really bad. I am a pirate, arrr!

It must have been the first time he has ever said “arrr” because a shade of embarrassment rolled over his face, which started to gain a reddish hue. Why wasn’t she scared? Everyone else was!

- Oh boo-hoo! Just poke me and let me go already!

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  #2  
Old 01-12-2018, 02:07 PM
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Originally Posted by pralina View Post
It's just a silly, little, unfinished thing.



Sally got kidnapped and she was very upset about this whole situation. It wasn’t the first that she had been kidnapped either, it had happened several times before: once when she was a little girl, once a day after her 14th birthday, during family vacations in Croatia, in collage a day before a very important exam, and now. And she was a grown woman now, nobody has time for such nonsense! It is her wedding day after all and she is not going to put up with these shenanigans on this occasion!

These are the worst kidnappers in the world, she thought as she stood tied to the mast pole on the pirate ship. I’m going to make a scene this time! She was very cross. And busy! Do they not understand that? She always got kidnapped by the same pirates, too. They would tie her to a pole, laugh, poke her with a long stick, and make her walk the plank. She would go back home soaking wet and mad as hell. And the police were useless! How many times does one need to rapport a pirate attack before one is taken seriously? It’s ridiculous, she thought as one of the pirates was approaching her with a poking device. He was smiling in a stupid way, his face was stupid, and everything about this whole ordeal was just… well, stupid.

- Oh, let’s just get it over with – said Sally irritated and rolled her eyes at the confused pirate.

- You are supposed to be scared! – he shouted with disappointment in his voice and his smile gave room to a frown. – It’s no fun if you are not scared, I could kill you, you know? – he threatened and poked the air in front of the girl. - Or at least hurt you really bad. I am a pirate, arrr!

It must have been the first time he has ever said “arrr” because a shade of embarrassment rolled over his face, which started to gain a reddish hue. Why wasn’t she scared? Everyone else was!

- Oh boo-hoo! Just poke me and let me go already!
Nothing like a pirate story to make a man appreciate his cutlass.
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Old 01-12-2018, 02:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Nick Pierce View Post
Nothing like a pirate story to make a man appreciate his cutlass.
Do you actually own one or is that a euphemism?
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Old 01-12-2018, 02:36 PM
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Originally Posted by pralina View Post
Do you actually own one or is that a euphemism?
May I choose both?
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Old 01-12-2018, 02:39 PM
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Of course. Who am I to dictate you what your cutlass should be? Although now my imagination presents me with troubling images of the two ideas combined.
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Old 01-12-2018, 02:42 PM
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Originally Posted by pralina View Post
Of course. Who am I to dictate you what your cutlass should be? Although now my imagination presents me with troubling images of the two ideas combined.
Hmm, this may be something to write about.
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Old 01-12-2018, 03:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Nick Pierce View Post
Hmm, this may be something to write about.
You mean something ilke this?

The man with a cutlass

It is so heavy and unwieldy,
It cuts my pants and thighs,
It was a really bad idea
To sew it opposite my ass.

I truly thought it would be perfect,
To have a mighty sword
Hanging there between my legs,
Like my favorite ward.

But now I must admit it, sadly,
(And judgment you will pass)
- you should never cut off your penis
And sew back a cutlass.
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Old 01-12-2018, 03:08 PM
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Originally Posted by pralina View Post
You mean something ilke this?

The man with a cutlass

It is so heavy and unwieldy,
It cuts my pants and thighs,
It was a really bad idea
To sew it opposite my ass.

I truly thought it would be perfect,
To have a mighty sword
Hanging there between my legs,
Like my favorite ward.

But now I must admit it, sadly,
(And judgment you will pass)
- you should never cut off your penis
And sew back a cutlass.
Funny and clever.

Now we wait for the other guys to respond.
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Old 01-16-2018, 09:47 AM
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Pralina! I very much enjoyed this bit of satire. Super cute and about correct for the MC to be as annoyed after having to deal with the same B.S. I think's I know how the lady feels --

What psycho pirates.
haha. I do believe you could erase a couple redundancies in description of the pirates looking and feeling 'stupid' there's many funny ways you could show them acting stupid, clumsy, and all the rest --

laughed especially at the poker bit -- hilarious.
I think you could either expand and make this piece longer or flip it and tighten it down to 100-250 words and enter it in a funny contest..
uh., 100 words is super hard.
i put your story in a counter and you're at 356

I know this author who use to critique everyone by telling them to do the story in 100 words --so, I'm not there yet, and being a hypocrite here, but just passing on the wisdom of an elder --
great story - I'd read it again and the premise could go in so many different ways all the way to a full length book -- just saaying
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Old 01-16-2018, 09:57 AM
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Originally Posted by Beesauce View Post
I do believe you could erase a couple redundancies in description of the pirates looking and feeling 'stupid' there's many funny ways you could show them acting stupid, clumsy, and all the rest --
Thanks! I appreciate your comments. The 'stupid' repetitions were put there on purpose, to show Sally's annoyence, I saw them as her comment on the whole situation. But I could make the scene a little longer and describe the pirate more; not a bad idea.
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