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You A Bible

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  #1  
Old 01-10-2018, 06:20 PM
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You A Bible


(1:22)

I will melt into you
and when I disappear
you will be

(1:23)

lost inside what was lost
tip toed to where nobody goes
that’s where you will find me

(1:26)

where I had sailed away
into the gray, the skies
dark as is each day

(1:28)

tonight a picnic of troubadours
will fill your dreams with bread and wine
supple dark tales of jaw boned wiles

(1:31)

take out this piece -- my woe
and leave it not for any but the foe
‘tis a pity petty way this author doth end
with a rhyme antiquated
sans menial time

(1:33)

how long should one take
before letting go?
how can we let go
if we’re not holding on?


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Old 01-11-2018, 04:07 AM
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'Lost inside what was lost'

That's a gut puncher for me.

This is nice candle lit, quill pen in the monastery type stuff
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  #3  
Old 01-11-2018, 02:12 PM
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Reminds me somewhat of Nok.
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Old 01-11-2018, 06:30 PM
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Boink!

I would just remove: “sans menial time”

That is telling me something I already know.

And if you could end a stanza with antiquated... hmm... respect.


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Old 01-12-2018, 12:22 PM
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I like this very much. It is a little sad but pleasant too with troubadours and wine; it is like someone who has accepted the sadness of life but still questions it. Or something. I like the image of it being written by candlelight in a murky monastery, JohnC
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Old 01-14-2018, 07:48 AM
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I love it. It transported me far away from this snowed down house to a candle lit chamber, or to a dark forest. Beautiful and elegant.
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Old 01-15-2018, 08:22 PM
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Thanks everyone, very much appreciate the comments.

nice to know i can still pull 'em out the rear of the abbey's cellar
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