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  #1  
Old 01-07-2018, 09:30 AM
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Default Of course


I have gone mad

I now go through the motion of
work to keep a roof overhead
food in the belly
clothes on the frame

No longer done in pursuit of
some sort of ill defined success

I now know everything (when viewed
from human consciousness) comes and goes

Now I do life maintenance solely for
one thing:

A free moment to watch a bee
work over the pollen pistils of
yielding flowers


I'm in a country where
the population is usin' dope
at epidemic proportions to get
twisted and I'm doin' this
to cop a buzz

Crazy, huh?

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Old 01-07-2018, 09:17 PM
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dont be watching this bee.

but, nice. cop buzz.

twisty.

work sure is crazy huh?
Nice poem
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  #3  
Old 01-10-2018, 05:50 PM
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Nice to see you still cracking away Mr. Pierce.

Once I read you tell someone that had written something close to but not exactly, "he was about six feet..." And you pointed out, close to but not exactly, "Why not just make him six feet? What do you lose by being specific?"

Maybe I'm insane, but that specificness, or whatever word is better suited, about your suggestion stuck out.

Basically, I think it would be much better to be specific in this. Why, "I have gone mad?" As opposed to "I am mad!" Why, "I now know everything?" As opposed to "I know everything?"

The tempo can keep with the specifics and it displays not a questioning of life to induce the readers thoughts but a certainty of life that the reader can make their own conclusions. In other words, be specific, dont tell the reader whats wrong, show him how the world is and let him see the conclusions should be wrong.

Or whatever, I'm deep and saturated in beer and whiskey and the fuck do I even know about some poem???

Nice stuff, glad you're still shitting and writing!
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Old 01-11-2018, 03:27 AM
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Originally Posted by daes13 View Post
Nice to see you still cracking away Mr. Pierce.

Once I read you tell someone that had written something close to but not exactly, "he was about six feet..." And you pointed out, close to but not exactly, "Why not just make him six feet? What do you lose by being specific?"

Maybe I'm insane, but that specificness, or whatever word is better suited, about your suggestion stuck out.

Basically, I think it would be much better to be specific in this. Why, "I have gone mad?" As opposed to "I am mad!" Why, "I now know everything?" As opposed to "I know everything?"

The tempo can keep with the specifics and it displays not a questioning of life to induce the readers thoughts but a certainty of life that the reader can make their own conclusions. In other words, be specific, dont tell the reader whats wrong, show him how the world is and let him see the conclusions should be wrong.

Or whatever, I'm deep and saturated in beer and whiskey and the fuck do I even know about some poem???

Nice stuff, glad you're still shitting and writing!
"I am mad" tends to be interpreted as 'I am angry' whereas "I have gone mad" lets a reader perceive a loss of (traditional) sanity being expressed.

Gettin' ready for work. Will go over your other comments later.

And Hello.
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Old 01-11-2018, 06:09 AM
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I presumed "mad" in this held both meanings. Succumbing to the insanity, but the very writing raging against it. Maybe I read too much into it haha

But yeah maybe starting with "I am mad" would be too strong and the sanity aspect wouldn't come across right away.
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Old 01-11-2018, 12:40 PM
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Mr. Pierce does make you think about things. When I was just a newbie to internet forums, I jumped in on a conversation Nick was having with another member, with what I thought was a clever comment.

Nick replied with a question that took me three days to figure out, and I realized I was not among the little leagues anymore.

Thank you, Nick.
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Old 01-11-2018, 01:18 PM
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Yeah been trying to learn poetry and can't stand too rhyme stuff, and Nicks is always good. Figure if I can ever give Nick a good critique I win at life haha
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Old 01-11-2018, 01:46 PM
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Originally Posted by daes13 View Post
I presumed "mad" in this held both meanings. Succumbing to the insanity, but the very writing raging against it. Maybe I read too much into it haha

But yeah maybe starting with "I am mad" would be too strong and the sanity aspect wouldn't come across right away.

Okay.
A little more about why I favor this construction.

I have gone

I now go


For me the first line (first three words) stand well.
And it allows me to employ a shadow cast device with the first three words of the second line.
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Old 01-11-2018, 01:53 PM
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That's why I was saying omitting it would retain the tempo:

I am mad
I go through

I know everything
I do life

To me, when reading, this denotes an acceptance of the choice to go insane. He is not hesitant, he knows the way life is, has given up questioning, and lives.

Dont know why it strikes me as such but there is nothing more devastating than someone accepting insanity and life. Which may not make sense haha
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Old 01-11-2018, 02:17 PM
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Originally Posted by daes13 View Post
That's why I was saying omitting it would retain the tempo:

I am mad
I go through

I know everything
I do life

To me, when reading, this denotes an acceptance of the choice to go insane. He is not hesitant, he knows the way life is, has given up questioning, and lives.

Dont know why it strikes me as such but there is nothing more devastating than someone accepting insanity and life. Which may not make sense haha

I understand the position you are posting about.
And I appreciate the thought you have given the piece.

How unbalanced is a human that does what it takes to create some free time to observe one of nature's wonders (are you aware of the world wide bee colony collapse that is now happening?) while being surrounded by opiate addicts/abusers?
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Old 01-11-2018, 02:42 PM
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Its really your fault... Your fault for making a piece a reader could discern different perceptions of...

I myself am sucking every bit of fun out of life, doing everything short of pulling a damn trigger to kill myself, in hopes I can disappear with a smile cause I drank from life. Tell you what I'm not doing, having kids. Don't blame the destruction of this planet on me oh no. Blame my parents or their parents etc., or any parents, I know when I've had enough.
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