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Rooting for the Storm

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  #1  
Old 09-09-2017, 12:07 PM
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Default Rooting for the Storm


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  #2  
Old 09-09-2017, 02:12 PM
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Can't fault the quality of writing Jesse.

The middle section could do with thinning - too much outlining his business and work ethic - felt a bit repetitive.

Enjoyable read - thanks x
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Old 09-11-2017, 07:56 AM
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Smooth clean piece of writing. I did find the switches from third to second person a bit distracting. Good read overall though.
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Old 09-27-2017, 11:18 PM
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This is a good piece of writing. You have a talent. I agree that the middle can be thinned. Most of your readers understand internet advertising.

I wonder where you would take this if it were longer.
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Old 10-19-2017, 03:07 AM
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This is a topical piece following recent events, and its a good metaphore of the haircut and the shoes. The idea of him rooting for the storm and trying to justify his approach is only too believable.
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Old 11-17-2017, 06:36 PM
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Were you there, in Texas, I mean? You lay out the business in such detail that it seems real enough. However, I don't believe your "story" about Grandpa. What prompts the memory? What is the character's relationship with Grandpa that is so strong that the first house jogs a 12-year-old memory? (And what was the character doing 12 years ago that brought him to the somewhat cut-throat business of storm reconstruction?)
Your character seems to be wrestling with the balance of helping people and making money. Why? Business is business, and storms mean money. Rooting for the storm seems like a good side to take if you want to make money. Is your character's conscious bigger than that? He uses good materials and good men to help provide a quality product. Why the struggle? (Not that I don't like it. I guess I just want a little more balance to his struggle.)
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Old 11-18-2017, 11:39 AM
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("...yup, it's as should be if I could see the connection therein..." went the goblin liking it though, after all he loved anything "third person", yes but he always had mind you, before adding "...btw what do the three dashes between the texts mean, are they disconnecting the texts there, if so not why not make it into three separate posts, or am I missing something perhaps...", in fact the goblin suspected that it was another newfangled writing method that he had yet to learn about, sighing "...seems there is more to this writing lark than first meets the pen...")
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Old 11-20-2017, 07:39 PM
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I've never been to Texas. Ironically enough, the part about "grandpa" is actually true - my grandfather once said that to me, though he's still alive and kicking.

The connection (though it's thin, admittedly) is that both the Hurricane and the MC's grandfather are named Harvey. Here's your namesake, Harvey, or something like that when he see's the destruction.

I use the dashes to differentiate particular scenes. Whether that's right or wrong, I don't know, but I see a lot of other writers do it.

Sure, rooting for the storm is good if you want to make money. But is that the way you want to make it? I don't know if I was trying to get at something with this, but rooting for the storm popped into my head, and this is what popped out.
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Old 11-24-2017, 11:09 PM
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I don't know - I wanted a story, but there is no story here, only musings of roof-repairer.
It's like reading books on "how to succeed in business".

The language itself is good, without any special errors.
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