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Red Raven (graphic zombie show)

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Old 01-19-2010, 06:20 PM
impisus (Offline)
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Default Red Raven (graphic zombie show)


Genre: Horror
  • the word count is 2414
  • This is the first part of the overall script (Part 2 will come after some time has passed) This is Episode 1 of an ongoing series.
  • Before you continue! This is of a graphic nature. There is violence
  • I'm looking for detailed criticism. Remember, this is only half of the full episode and only first episode. With that in mind there are some things that are left unanswered so that at a later episode they can be further explored. If your not sure, or think it should be addressed right away don't hesitate. I'm happy to hear any and all input.



RED RAVEN script.

Created and written by Matthew

INT. The bedroom of a house. Mid-day

Fade in on A news article, cropped in tight to simply read a small headline which reads 'Father Murders Family, Missing survivor'. The page looks slightly old. As the camera pans out we can see its a clipping, pinned to a wall. In the background we hear a television as the local news reports.

Ken, News Reporter 1 (V.O.)
"Good morning! It's looking like another blazing day in Arizona today so make sure you keep yourselves hydrated. Lets take a look at traffic. There is heavy congestion moving out of California, delays should be expected if your heading inland. An accident has also clogged highway 56, no injuries reported. Expect slight delays if your heading in to work on that rout. That's it for traffic, back to you Diana."

The camera continues to pan around the room as the reporter announces the news. More news paper clippings suggesting missing people or violent, unsolved murders are posted on the wall in chronological order.

Diana, News Reporter 2 (V.O.)
"Thank you Ken, I hope you had no trouble getting to work."

Ken, News Reporter 1 (V.O.)
"Haha, not at all."

As the camera pans across the room it happens upon a collection of movies, several titles are of famous zombie films such as 'Dawn of the dead', 'land of the dead', '28 days later' and so on. Action figures of comic characters, G.I. Joes, and other assortment of pop culture icons.

Diana, News Reporter 2 (V.O.)
"In top news today reports are heading in that Riots have been breaking out in L.A. today. Several injured have been flooding in to local hospitals. The cause or who started the riots is unknown at this time, but is under investigation. Officials advise to postpone any travel to L.A. or surrounding areas. Barricades have been set in place and police officials are directing the public out of the area. More will be announced once information is available."

During Diana's news announcement the camera closes in on the television before slowly pulling out to reveal a man sitting in a chair, covered in shadows, unable to see his face or make out any majorly distinguishable characteristics. The man reaches down to pick up his cell phone. After punching in a few contacts he begins to write his message.

Ken, News Reporter 1
"That would explain the traffic."

The camera pulls in tight on the cell phone as the man finishes his text, which reads "RED RAVEN: L.A. CALIFORNIA." After a moment the man sends the message.

Cut to Black.
INT. House, living room. Noon.

Fade in to a small group of people huddled in a corner of a living room. Light seeps in through boarded up windows. Cabinet doors are nailed to the windows of the house. Pieces of furniture are dismantled and used to board up other windows and doors. Figures outside cast shadows through the windows as they slowly pass by. The only sounds come from the heavy breathing of the people inside or the random noises of whatever the beings outside are as they fumble across the yard, or accidentally rub against the walls of the house. The only light is that of the sun, struggling to reach the trapped people inside.

GREGORY, a man in his mid forties, stands proud and with a clenched jaw. He holds in his hand a revolver, which he has open as he reloads the chambers. With a flick of his wrist the gun slams shut and he pulls back the hammer as he looks back out through the slits of the boarded up window.

Troy
"How many bullets do you have left?"

TROY, a tall and built black man asks in a hushed voice. He holds a metal baseball bat in his hand, the end stained in blood as if it was recently used to bash a few unfortunate heads. He stands over Two girls, both in their early twenties. One a blonde, KRISTI, comforting a brunette, JENNA, who is uncontrollably sobbing. Another woman, also in her forties named HEATHER, rocks Jenna gently, trying to get her to stop crying.

Gregory
"12, Plus the 6 in the gun."

Troy
"That's not enough."

Gregory ignores the comment as two more people walk in to the room from the kitchen. One a bald, skinny man in his thirties named Jack. The other a red head with a goatee named Steve, same age. Both hold food in their arms, which they hand out to the rest of the group. Jenna doesn't seem to notice, but Heather takes food for her.

Jack
"We can't stay here for too long. There isn't much food left for all of us."

Steve
"I give it about five days, maybe a week if we ration it."

Troy
"Wish I knew I'd be having company, would've gone shoppin'."

Steve joins the girls, crouching down to their level as he opens a can of beans and begins to eat.

Steve
"Hows she doing?"

Heather
"Not good. I can't get her to settle down."

Troy
"Just give her some time. She's been through a lot."

Jack
"We all have."

Heather
"Dear, please get away from that window."

Gregory
"I want to be ready."

Heather
"You need to rest."

Troy
"Mrs. Jenkins, we shouldn't get too comfortable."

Gregory
"Hes right honey, I'll join you when were safe."

Kristi
"If were ever safe."

Gregory
"Stop that Kristi! don't think like that."

A sudden thud hits the door and Jenna lets out a scream which is quickly cut off by Steve who clamps his hand over her mouth. From outside a low moan is heard and a second, more aggressive thud hits the door. Jenna begins to struggle out of the grip of Steve as she lets out muffled screams. Steve tries to hold on to Jenna along with Heather. Kristi frantically attempts to calm Jenna down in a hushed voice.

Kristi
"Jenna, quite! You gotta be quite or they'll find us!"

The sound of more moans, joining the first begin to cascade in an orchestra of doom. The thuds begin to turn to thrashing. Windows start to shatter and the boards barring the windows begin to bend as whatever is outside desperately attempts to break through. Gregory moves way from the windows, holding his revolver up, trained on the window he was just at. Troy stands up, getting ready with his bat as Steve and Jack pull out knives. One a kitchen knife the other a hunting knife.

Jenna
"Their coming. Their coming. Their coming."

Jenna whispers to herself, free to talk now that Steve moved away from her, ready to fight.

Gregory
"Some one shut her up!"

Finally the boards give and a decomposing body slumps forward. A large section of the man's neck is missing, but no blood leaves his body. At the entrance of the zombie all three girls give out a scream and quickly stand up, Heather clutching Jenna and Kristi close to her. The men turn, Gregory ready to fire a shot at the foul beast, but Troy swung his bat before Gregory had the chance. The bat hit the zombies head and broke part of its skull. The head, snapping from the remaining part of its neck, rolled back and in to the swarm of zombies behind it. No other zombie paid any attention to the first and eagerly attempt to enter through the open window.
Another boarded window breaks free and more bodies attempt to pile in. Gregory Whirled around and shot the zombie. The first shot hitting the living dead in the jaw. The second shot piercing its skull and brain matter.

Jack
"Quick, Downstairs!"

One after another the zombies feverishly crawl over each other in the attempt to be the first to taste the warm flesh of their prey. Slowly the undead stumble in to the room with the living. Heather ushers the girls to the basement as Troy continues to defend his window, wailing at anything that was unfortunate enough to poke its head inside. Gregory kept firing his gun at the flood of bodies, only allowing himself to pull the trigger if he was sure to get a head shot. After the girls Steve went to the basement followed by Jack.

INT. Basement. Noon

Jack ran past the four already heading down the stairs, holding his knife high, ready to strike. Once he was sure they were safe enough he waved the rest down. The girls quickly made their way to Jack followed by Steve.

Heather
"We need to get out of here!"

Jack
"We can't, They surrounded us!"

Steve
"They will surround us down here too. We have to get away."

Steve quickly looks around, trying to devise a plan until something caught his eye.

Steve
"Look, there! We can get out through that window."

Cut to:
INT. Main floor. Noon

Troy and Gregory still try to hold back the infected, both of them pulling back to the door leading to the basement. Gregory runs back, almost touching the doorway where he pops open his gun, empties the bullet casings and then reloads almost with no problem at all. Troy continues to swing at the on coming undead, knocking any over that he comes in contact with. From his right side a zombie lunges at Troy, gripping his arm tight and bearing his blood stained teeth. Troy screams and desperately attempts to get loose. Just before the zombie clamps its rotting teeth down on Troy, Gregory fires off a round killing the zombie.

Gregory
"Get downstairs, I'll hold em' off!"

Troy
"Right!"

Troy runs for the basement and disappears down its stairs. Gregory soon follows, giving off a few last shots before moving to the stairs and slamming the door shut behind him.


INT. Basement. Noon
Gregory tramples down the stairs, slipping on the last few stairs and falling down. Fists begin to pound on the door above viciously trying to break down the barrier. Gregory and Troy take a moment to catch their breath as the rest of the group attempts to pry open a window.

Gregory
"Whats going on?"

Heather
"Were trying to escape."

Gregory
"Are you all mad? we can't! Their every where."

Steve
"Soon enough they will break through that door and come searching for us. We need to escape and run"

Cracks are heard from breaking wood up above. Gregory glances up, knowing what is coming.

Gregory
"Alright! quick! Troy, Break it with the bat."

Troy
"On it!"

Troy hurriedly crosses the room to the window. With a swing Troy breaks the high window and gets ready to hoist people up.

Gregory
"Jack, you go first. Heather you follow."

More snapping is heard from the door up top as Jack squeezes threw the window. After a moment Jack calls down

Jack
"It's clear, hurry!"

Heather begins pulling herself threw the window, hoisted by Troy and helped by Jack on the other side. By the time she makes it threw the window a loud snap is heard from upstairs and the door comes crashing down the stairs, landing at the bottom. The door is stopped by the wall, leaving part of the door covering the last four stairs. Kristi and Jenna scream at the ruckus.

Gregory
"Damn it, get the girls up!"

Kristi has Jenna be pulled up first and follows soon after.

EXT. Backyard of the house. Noon

As the girls reach the surface the undead start to come around the house. From across the yard a few zombies throw themselves over a fence which separates the two yards. Jenna starts to panic again and collapses to her knees in tears. Kristi tries to pull her up.

Kristi
"Come on Jenna, we gotta run! We have to move."

Heather runs up to Jenna and tries to help her up. Slowly Jenna gets up and Heather helps her walk by putting her arm around her.

Heather
"Come on honey, we gotta keep moving. That's it, That a girl."

Jack
"Lets go ladies, we don't have time for this!"

As the girls and Jack start walking they are cut off by a group of zombies that jumped the fence. Jack pushes and kicks them away, trying to clear a path. When presented with the chance Jack slashes at their throat, but the knife doesn't do anything but cut their dead flesh. From behind the girls a zombie grabs and pulls Heather from Jenna and bites down hard on her neck before any one could reach her.

Kristi
"Mom!"

Kristi screams at the top of her lungs, beginning to sob as well. Zombies begin to swarm around Heather and head for the girls as Jack quickly pulls the girls along with him.

Cut to:
INT. Basement. Noon

In The basement the swarm of zombies descends the stair case. The first few trip and fall on the broken door that fell on the stairs. As the fallen attempt to get back up more step on them and try to reach their cornered prey. Gregory fires off his remaining rounds at the zombies that get near him as he backs up to Troy and Steve. Steve works his way through the window. Troy follows as Gregory continues to back up, shooting at the zombies that constantly trip over each other causing a blockage to him and the others. Finally Gregory makes his way up to the window and attempts to climb through. As he crawls to the surface a zombie grabs hold of his shoe and attempts to bite down on his foot. Instead the zombie is met with a kick as Gregory jerks his leg at the zombies face.

INT. Basement. Noon

Finally Gregory makes it to the top where he finds Troy and Steve making their way through a small group of zombies who give chase after the two girls and Jack. Gregory runs to catch up, but suddenly trips over something and falls to the ground. Gregory quickly looks up and holds his gun up to see what cause him to fall. To his fearful surprise he finds his wife, Heather. Heather slowly crawls for him, missing her right arm and much of her neck. fear struck Gregory as he looks on in horror. She calls for him.

Heather
"Gregory...I... Love you!"

After a moment he comes to his senses and gets up and runs, leaving his wife behind.

Fade to black.
Cut to Commercial break (to be continued)

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Last edited by impisus; 01-19-2010 at 06:26 PM.. Reason: Changed spacing
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  #2  
Old 01-19-2010, 06:39 PM
Lin
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I gather from "commercial break" that this is a teleplay. *You should observe the format for that. * Not "Cut to commercial" *but*

:FADE OUT
END ACT ONE

ACT TWO
Slugline

You need to get a different overall style, the kind scripts use, and observe the conventions of what scripts are like these days.
You're not calling the cuts and pans. *And lose the "we see" stuff wouldn't be a bad idea at all.

Plays start with FADE IN:

ACT ONE
SCENE ONE
INT. *BEDROOM *DAY
(there are day shoots and night shoots, no such thing as "mid day" or "midnight" or anything)
Which comes around to: *if the audience can't see it or hear it, don't write it. *They can't see "Mid Day" *If it's important show a clock on the wall or have the radio announcer give the time or something.

Don't mention the camera. * (Which doesn't "happen upon" things, anyway)

Why do Ken and Diana have names. *If they are MALE ANOUNCER and FEMALE ANNOUNCER, just call them that.

No quotation marks. *These are character speeches, that's understood.

You describe the guy,, but not the chicks. * No need to say "named HEATHER" that's also understood. *"HEATHER, *mid-forties..."

"A sudden thud hits the door "????? * Come now. *And you need to look at spellings and such quite a bit, as well.

You need to get a look at some scripts and format examples. *And pay a lot of attention to the "way they talk".
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Old 01-19-2010, 07:03 PM
impisus (Offline)
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Thanks for the input and I'll be sure to check up on the style of script writing and the like.
But before that I'll give a brief explanation on two points. I put the commercial break thing only because I can't pass the 3000 word mark, so that's in there more or less as a joke. However, you are right and I should see how that would normally look so I can do it correctly for this, and the next time.

As for the names of Ken and Diana, I was always told to name all the people in my script, even if they are such minor characters. If ya really think I should change it then I will. Far be it for me to say what is and isn't right.

All other changes will be made as soon as I can.
Thanks for the input! much appreciated!
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Old 01-20-2010, 09:22 AM
Lin
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The best bet on naming characters is to pay attention to the final credits of films. * A lot of people who dither about how to name a character who appears at two different ages or in disquise or whatever could be resolved by seeing how it gets done.

And one thing you see done all the time is: * COP #1,* FAT BYSTANDER, * VOICE OF GOD, etc.

In "Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle" the writer plays with that: *a characters speaks to his buddy saying like, *"Yes, Extreme Sports Punk Number Four, let's to that."
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