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My stomach is always one jump behind

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  #1  
Old 10-09-2007, 10:40 PM
K.C.Kehlet (Offline)
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Default My stomach is always one jump behind


My flapjack rolls of fat
Flip up and down on a summer like afternoon,
Each roll of over-eaten sweets and treats
Drip in my syrupy sweat.
I am just a mess of batter
Burning red on a pan-frying trampoline.
Rice, spam, eggs, and beef,
Three biscuits, all honeyed up
I hit the giving tarp
My stomach heaving downward
Falling over my short’s band
Painfully pulling my heart toward hell
And under my feet there is a black hole.
Kids are tossed in the air,
One points back down to the earth
And falling into orbit he says
“Look how he shakes like Jell-O!”
I scream, but nobody hears me

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  #2  
Old 10-13-2007, 03:59 AM
JustMeLisa (Offline)
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haha wow this poem is so great!! I loved every line of it... especially "I am just a mess of batter
Burning red on a pan-frying trampoline."

cant wait to read more of your stuff
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Old 10-28-2007, 07:36 PM
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This poem certainly is different. In the beginning one gets the impression, that eating is a pleasure. As we get into it we understand the pain of over indulging. This poem reads like the writer knows only too well what is being said.

This part is the only part that mystifies me.
I hit the giving tarp

Maybe the word tarp has a meaning that I don't know.

I found it to be very good.
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Old 10-30-2007, 02:11 PM
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Your poem is very good. Although, it seems humorous, it is very self deprecating and painful. You did a good job of getting the point across.
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Old 11-01-2007, 05:40 AM
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The last line threw me, it seems so at odds with the rest it feels like an afterthought instead of part of the poem.
The trampoline all is at odds in my mind, but the line is great so that’s ok.
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