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  #1  
Old 11-28-2017, 01:23 PM
sqoo (Offline)
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Hi, I have just joined this forum, I have been tinkering with a novel for the last couple of years and have started putting it down in a more serious attempt, I ended up on here while finding an answer to the repetitiveness of "(S)He said" in large section of dialogue.

Hope to be an active member

Dave

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Old 12-01-2017, 06:17 AM
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Greetings Sqoo, The solution to your difficulty is simple but also subtle. The simple solution is to just knock off that he said/she said crap and do without it.

Consider that if only two are talking, then once the order in which they are speaking is established it's unlikely to change at least for a short conversation and your reader will assume that it doesn't. For a longer conversation if the order does change than you must provide a clue for the reader when it does. The same applies if there are more than two involved. Note that in real life this often happens. A speaker will pause then speak again, amending what they said, before anyone else responds. Also other individuals may drift in and out of a conversation.

It can be tricky. You must develop your reader's ear so that you can hear the words you write the way will sound to someone who has never read them before rather than as the way they sound to you after you've read them fifty times.
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Old 12-02-2017, 03:46 AM
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Yup I have been compiling a list of things to do when I edit and have managed to remove a lot of the repetitiveness. I like the strategy of replacing "she said" with an action as well as just deleting any reference beyond the first in a string of dialog.

I consider myself a professional writer, however that is a professional technical writer, and I am still tuned to a very precise way of specifying things, it is taking some time to loosen up! I wouldn't say it has been damaging as I know I can write 100,000 carefully chosen words in a month with absolute ease given the right circumstances. Just gotta use this period of unemployment to refocus that readers ear
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Old 12-02-2017, 12:48 PM
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("...well me, I'm just your average everyday sort of goblin myself..." replied the goblin in all honesty now, liking sqoo though and grateful that he or she was still here too, then adding "...think I got in trouble once for suggesting to someone that she replaces the "I" in her text with "my whatever" as she writes it out, then that she goes back over the work to edit out the "my whatever" with something more appropriate there, or just leave it be if she couldn't as it would work just as well then, no never did understand why she wouldn't talk to me after that though...", at which point the goblin smiled, asking "...now you'll write with us won't you, I mean these days more folks read posts than most anything else, and how they lavish attention upon those of whom they find interesting...", at which point the moon poked its face through the clouds above the freshly fallen snow below, somehow the goblin looking on felt a childish urge to go outside now as if pulled between its stunning beauty and its lurking darkness, smiling "...tell you what, can I offer you the moon by way of a welcome with a white welcoming carpet to go with it too, alas they're ever so fickle though, and it won't last neither, mind you what ever does, and would we want it to last really...")

Last edited by fleamailman; 12-03-2017 at 09:49 PM..
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Old 12-03-2017, 02:15 AM
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Originally Posted by sqoo View Post
Hi, I have just joined this forum, I have been tinkering with a novel for the last couple of years and have started putting it down in a more serious attempt, I ended up on here while finding an answer to the repetitiveness of "(S)He said" in large section of dialogue.

Hope to be an active member

Dave
Hi Dave and welcome aboard.

Recommend you read 'Cold Mountain' for a refreshingly relaxed non-obsevance of speech rules.

See you around x
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Old 12-03-2017, 09:48 PM
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("...wait a sec, I've just noticed something, someone with a name like Dave could well be a man after all..." muttered the goblin to himself in his eurika moment, then voicing out loud "...ok Dave, forget about me offering that moon over that snow white welcoming carpet welcome there, instead would you like coffee and donuts now as I hear male aspirations aren't very big these days...", to which the goblin then slipped both hands into his pockets to out a thermos and a paper bag respectively, smiling "...still need you to write with us though, so what do you say now, do we have bargain here...")

Last edited by fleamailman; 12-04-2017 at 02:27 AM..
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