WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > General Discussion > The Intellectual Table

The Intellectual Table Discussions on political topics, social issues, current affairs, etc.


Apparently Google Thinks I'm Making a Movie

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 06-18-2018, 02:23 PM
spshane (Offline)
Profusive Denizen
Official Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 280
Thanks: 45
Thanks 73
Default Apparently Google Thinks I'm Making a Movie


Google Ads have been trying to sell me professional filmmaker equipment for the better part of week, which might make some sense if I had even a small interest in filmmaking. Even on this site, it's all "Boom! Big Shiny Camera!"

Maybe I do have a weird Ed Wood film inside of me. One that's comically creepy and halfway through todos los personajes empezar a hablar en un idioma diferente. ¿Por qué?(Susurrando) "El emperador está escuchando"

Now, I have to buy that camera.

Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 06-18-2018, 07:39 PM
brianpatrick's Avatar
brianpatrick (Online)
Still Clicking!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona
Posts: 5,547
Thanks: 439
Thanks 1,231
Default

Originally Posted by spshane View Post
Google Ads have been trying to sell me professional filmmaker equipment for the better part of week, which might make some sense if I had even a small interest in filmmaking. Even on this site, it's all "Boom! Big Shiny Camera!"



Maybe I do have a weird Ed Wood film inside of me. One that's comically creepy and halfway through todos los personajes empezar a hablar en un idioma diferente. ¿Por qué?(Susurrando) "El emperador está escuchando"



Now, I have to buy that camera.


I think you should go weirder. Characters suddenly speaking other languages has been done. Like, a two hour film where you try to give yourself a hard-on by taunting your penis with insults, while the camera never leaves your junk.

The good thing about this film is it doesn’t matter if you have a small or ugly penis. In fact, the smaller and uglier the better. Everyone loves to root for an underdog.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 06-18-2018, 09:05 PM
flyingtart's Avatar
flyingtart (Online)
Scribbling Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 952
Thanks: 145
Thanks 187
Default

Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
I think you should go weirder. Characters suddenly speaking other languages has been done. Like, a two hour film where you try to give yourself a hard-on by taunting your penis with insults, while the camera never leaves your junk.

The good thing about this film is it doesn’t matter if you have a small or ugly penis. In fact, the smaller and uglier the better. Everyone loves to root for an underdog.
Suggested title:

Get Shorty
Much Ado About Nothing
Hard Times
__________________
Awaiting the return of the Dog’s Arse Messiah.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 06-19-2018, 07:50 AM
spshane (Offline)
Profusive Denizen
Official Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 280
Thanks: 45
Thanks 73
Default

An old man mumbles a lot, talks to himself, and even talks in his sleep. Instead of a penis, there's a tomato plant that grows whenever he talks to it. It slowly crawls around his waist and then his torso. His grips him tightly like a corset, but he tries to play it off like it's a tight-fitting Chainmail instead. A nurse comes from one of those goddamned home health services, and notices his hands are turning black from the lack of blood flow. She tries to cut the vine with scissors, but at first touch of the blade a tomato explodes in her eyes. Blinds her. She's being a real bitch about it, crying, "I can't see, I can't see." And the old shrugs and kind of laughs at her. "Look, lady, when you go cutting on someone's body, you gotta expect blowblack". She's stumbling around, rubbing at her eyes, and the old man help her to the door, opens it, pushes her out on the doorstep. "Get the fuck out of my house."

He goes back to his chair, sitting in front of this window, where of course, he gets a lot of son. Nothing really feels better than that. Blow jobs are one thing, but man if you ever get to chance to sit in some really intense sunlight and just talk, it's off the charts. So he's just sitting there, talking when the police show up with one of those bitches from human services. Wellness check, blah, blah, blah.

He doesn't answer the door, but they come on inside anyway. Apparently, they can do that if they think you're life is in danger, blah, blah, blah. "Are you alright?"

"Of course."

He asks them to sit down at the table. Starts making some tea water.

"You don't look okay."

"Well, I'm old. What the fuck do ya expect?"

And the social worker starts asking him about the plant. His arm.

He pours tea the tea water in the cups. Serves it to them.
There are some flakes of leaves floating in the water.

"This is really good," she says. "What is it?"

"Funny really. Everyone thinks the tomato is vegetable; it's not. It's really a fruit."

"Oh, I guess I never really thought about it."

"And, of course, you always eat the fruit of the plant, but the rest of the plant's a nightshade."


He moves back in front of the window.

"Nightshade?"

"A poison. In high enough concentration's it'll kill a horse."


A croaking sound comes from the table.


"I'm sorry. Did you say something?"


Thud.


Thud.


Thud.


"Why don't you let yourself out when you're done? I think I"m going to lay down for a while."


So he lays down in front of the window, basking in the sunlight. Starts to hum a little song. And as he does the vine curls around his neck. Squeezes.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to spshane For This Useful Post:
brianpatrick (06-19-2018), Prodigalson (06-19-2018)
  #5  
Old 06-19-2018, 08:17 AM
Beesauce (Offline)
Word Wizard
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Phomerica
Posts: 539
Thanks: 142
Thanks 70
Default Grey Report

It's that British talking penis of yours from .. Sept 22 2016. That short story will make it to the big screen, lottery style ... but it won't be for another 15+ years

Totally joking SpShane. Totally all just one big joke throwaway. I should catch up to all your new stories.. maybe I can find another S.S. gem. Your mind IS the movie S.S. You just keep on writing until you die and you'll be posthumously famous one day, dont you worry, we're reading your genius work
__________________
i didnt do it, except
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 06-19-2018, 02:59 PM
spshane (Offline)
Profusive Denizen
Official Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 280
Thanks: 45
Thanks 73
Default

Originally Posted by Beesauce View Post
It's that British talking penis of yours from .. Sept 22 2016. That short story will make it to the big screen, lottery style ... but it won't be for another 15+ years

Totally joking SpShane. Totally all just one big joke throwaway. I should catch up to all your new stories.. maybe I can find another S.S. gem. Your mind IS the movie S.S. You just keep on writing until you die and you'll be posthumously famous one day, dont you worry, we're reading your genius work
The only writing I've been doing this year is freewriting. It's not as involved, but it's a little cheaper.

The talking penis sounded British because he was trying to emulate Paul McCartney. He had to choose between Paul and Elvis Presley. Don't know why he chose Paul.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 06-19-2018, 03:09 PM
brianpatrick's Avatar
brianpatrick (Online)
Still Clicking!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona
Posts: 5,547
Thanks: 439
Thanks 1,231
Default

Originally Posted by spshane View Post
The only writing I've been doing this year is freewriting. It's not as involved, but it's a little cheaper.



The talking penis sounded British because he was trying to emulate Paul McCartney. He had to choose between Paul and Elvis Presley. Don't know why he chose Paul.


Prolly ‘cause Paul is a lefty. When you use your left hand it feels like someone else doing it.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 06-19-2018, 03:58 PM
spshane (Offline)
Profusive Denizen
Official Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 280
Thanks: 45
Thanks 73
Default

Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
Prolly ‘cause Paul is a lefty. When you use your left hand it feels like someone else doing it.
It's still a man's hand. So, work that one out.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 06-19-2018, 04:03 PM
brianpatrick's Avatar
brianpatrick (Online)
Still Clicking!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona
Posts: 5,547
Thanks: 439
Thanks 1,231
Default Apparently Google Thinks I'm Making a Movie

Originally Posted by spshane View Post
It's still a man's hand. So, work that one out.


If you close your eyes and use lotion...
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 06-19-2018, 07:44 PM
brianpatrick's Avatar
brianpatrick (Online)
Still Clicking!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona
Posts: 5,547
Thanks: 439
Thanks 1,231
Default

Originally Posted by spshane View Post
An old man mumbles a lot, talks to himself, and even talks in his sleep. Instead of a penis, there's a tomato plant that grows whenever he talks to it. It slowly crawls around his waist and then his torso. His grips him tightly like a corset, but he tries to play it off like it's a tight-fitting Chainmail instead. A nurse comes from one of those goddamned home health services, and notices his hands are turning black from the lack of blood flow. She tries to cut the vine with scissors, but at first touch of the blade a tomato explodes in her eyes. Blinds her. She's being a real bitch about it, crying, "I can't see, I can't see." And the old shrugs and kind of laughs at her. "Look, lady, when you go cutting on someone's body, you gotta expect blowblack". She's stumbling around, rubbing at her eyes, and the old man help her to the door, opens it, pushes her out on the doorstep. "Get the fuck out of my house."

He goes back to his chair, sitting in front of this window, where of course, he gets a lot of son. Nothing really feels better than that. Blow jobs are one thing, but man if you ever get to chance to sit in some really intense sunlight and just talk, it's off the charts. So he's just sitting there, talking when the police show up with one of those bitches from human services. Wellness check, blah, blah, blah.

He doesn't answer the door, but they come on inside anyway. Apparently, they can do that if they think you're life is in danger, blah, blah, blah. "Are you alright?"

"Of course."

He asks them to sit down at the table. Starts making some tea water.

"You don't look okay."

"Well, I'm old. What the fuck do ya expect?"

And the social worker starts asking him about the plant. His arm.

He pours tea the tea water in the cups. Serves it to them.
There are some flakes of leaves floating in the water.

"This is really good," she says. "What is it?"

"Funny really. Everyone thinks the tomato is vegetable; it's not. It's really a fruit."

"Oh, I guess I never really thought about it."

"And, of course, you always eat the fruit of the plant, but the rest of the plant's a nightshade."


He moves back in front of the window.

"Nightshade?"

"A poison. In high enough concentration's it'll kill a horse."


A croaking sound comes from the table.


"I'm sorry. Did you say something?"


Thud.


Thud.


Thud.


"Why don't you let yourself out when you're done? I think I"m going to lay down for a while."


So he lays down in front of the window, basking in the sunlight. Starts to hum a little song. And as he does the vine curls around his neck. Squeezes.


... the bee makes this the hot thread with her (?) badda-boom.

Good story miss. Trumps my pee-pee idea by a mile.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 06-20-2018, 10:27 PM
Beesauce (Offline)
Word Wizard
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Phomerica
Posts: 539
Thanks: 142
Thanks 70
Default death

Originally Posted by spshane View Post
The only writing I've been doing this year is freewriting. It's not as involved, but it's a little cheaper.

The talking penis sounded British because he was trying to emulate Paul McCartney. He had to choose between Paul and Elvis Presley. Don't know why he chose Paul.
Elvis or Paul... of course, of all the possible famous Brits, Paul. I could tell you why... but I'm sure you could figure out it's just all about death and conspiracy about death. Elvis, Paul... just keep writing and I'll keep reading
__________________
i didnt do it, except
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 06-22-2018, 12:21 AM
Lucian Hodoboc (Offline)
Pencil pusher
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: Romania
Posts: 20
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Send a message via Skype™ to Lucian Hodoboc
Default

Originally Posted by spshane View Post
Google Ads have been trying to sell me professional filmmaker equipment for the better part of week, which might make some sense if I had even a small interest in filmmaking. Even on this site, it's all "Boom! Big Shiny Camera!"

Maybe I do have a weird Ed Wood film inside of me. One that's comically creepy and halfway through todos los personajes empezar a hablar en un idioma diferente. ¿Por qué?(Susurrando) "El emperador está escuchando"

Now, I have to buy that camera.
If you use Duckduckgo or Bing, Google won't be able to recommend you anything in its ads.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 06-22-2018, 07:37 AM
spshane (Offline)
Profusive Denizen
Official Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 280
Thanks: 45
Thanks 73
Default

Nah, I think it's kind of fun seeing what kind of profile Google comes up with. Understand that I'm 70 years old live and up in the mountains (No man's land). Sure, I could be a filmmaker, I guess, doing fly-on-the-wall documentaries of wildlife, but it's never really been on my radar.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 06-22-2018, 09:35 AM
Lucian Hodoboc (Offline)
Pencil pusher
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: Romania
Posts: 20
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Send a message via Skype™ to Lucian Hodoboc
Default

Originally Posted by spshane View Post
Nah, I think it's kind of fun seeing what kind of profile Google comes up with. Understand that I'm 70 years old
Are you a published writer?
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 06-22-2018, 10:32 AM
spshane (Offline)
Profusive Denizen
Official Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 280
Thanks: 45
Thanks 73
Default

Wrote for a now-defunct newspaper back in the days of print. Covered politics and economics. Interviewed both Clinton and Dole in the elections of '96. I wrote ad copy and marketing materials for a software firm back before the Dotcom crash. But my main career was financial services (stocks). Afterwards, I taught economics for a few years at small college in the Midwest. Retired now and I only write for pure enjoyment.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to spshane For This Useful Post:
chippedmonk (06-22-2018)
  #16  
Old 06-22-2018, 11:21 AM
Beesauce (Offline)
Word Wizard
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Phomerica
Posts: 539
Thanks: 142
Thanks 70
Default retired under tables

Originally Posted by spshane View Post
Wrote for a now-defunct newspaper back in the days of print. Covered politics and economics. Interviewed both Clinton and Dole in the elections of '96. I wrote ad copy and marketing materials for a software firm back before the Dotcom crash. But my main career was financial services (stocks). Afterwards, I taught economics for a few years at small college in the Midwest. Retired now and I only write for pure enjoyment.

Mmhmm, you'll never retire with those fun lists of hunting snakes.

Say, you never told me who you wondered was the anti-christ. I'm still patiently waiting to pick that 70's brain folds of yours --wow if you actually covered politics you must be holding back most everything you could ever teach young society what you know.

Instead you write stories about robots defecating into mouths. I'm understanding of why you'd do such a story and hate music. Tell me more SP about the society wild as you know what you do ... at this point you must know what your epitaph will be? Your life is and was and always will be a movie unto all presently hunting your mind
__________________
i didnt do it, except
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 06-22-2018, 07:33 PM
spshane (Offline)
Profusive Denizen
Official Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 280
Thanks: 45
Thanks 73
Default

Originally Posted by Beesauce View Post
Mmhmm, you'll never retire with those fun lists of hunting snakes.

Say, you never told me who you wondered was the anti-christ. I'm still patiently waiting to pick that 70's brain folds of yours --wow if you actually covered politics you must be holding back most everything you could ever teach young society what you know.

Instead you write stories about robots defecating into mouths. I'm understanding of why you'd do such a story and hate music. Tell me more SP about the society wild as you know what you do ... at this point you must know what your epitaph will be? Your life is and was and always will be a movie unto all presently hunting your mind
About the anti-Christ. I don't remember the exact context, but there's a pretty good chance that I was being facetious; I know it's a highly unlikely thing for me to do.

Yes, I hold back on politics/society. I see it as a blackhole that sucks up and destroys everything in its path. The long arc of history hasn't changed. We perceive it differently but for all the wrong reasons.

Epitaph? I don't think along those lines. We all get dead eventually.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 06-25-2018, 09:04 AM
Beesauce (Offline)
Word Wizard
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Phomerica
Posts: 539
Thanks: 142
Thanks 70
Default

Originally Posted by spshane View Post
About the anti-Christ. I don't remember the exact context, but there's a pretty good chance that I was being facetious; I know it's a highly unlikely thing for me to do.

Yes, I hold back on politics/society. I see it as a blackhole that sucks up and destroys everything in its path. The long arc of history hasn't changed. We perceive it differently but for all the wrong reasons.

Epitaph? I don't think along those lines. We all get dead eventually.

Very well S. P. Shane


Epitaph?
I don't think
along those lines.
We all get dead eventually


---

Great ending to a fake forum digital movie eh?
Right here. I think it's the truest statement so far

__________________
i didnt do it, except

Last edited by Beesauce; 06-25-2018 at 09:07 AM..
Reply With Quote
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > General Discussion > The Intellectual Table


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Creep World (WIP) MalReynolds Fiction 21 09-07-2017 06:06 AM
A silly movie trailer screenplay over dinner WritersCube Scripts 0 04-19-2007 09:55 PM
Lethal Temptations 1-11 Sinfully Sweet Fiction 3 04-16-2007 06:57 AM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:10 AM.

vBulletin, Copyright © 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.