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Ode to a Fool & What Men Desire

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  #1  
Old 09-17-2018, 06:35 PM
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Default Ode to a Fool & What Men Desire


A crimson-rose for mamacitas divine
You make me lose this track of time.
Of jigsaw-stones of celestial backbones
Youíre a reliquary from ancient Rome.

You conjure liberation into my life
And scampers from misfortunes knife.
Of gnashing strongholds of love
I! A bloke gliding with white doves.

Across from all corners of the earth
Youíve been of felicity since your birth.
Youíre a naked gypsy drunk-dancing
Hush! Arrive to a chamber prancing.

Dawdle from things macabre and masculine
Men are Sherlock-sketchy ones! I? Feminine.
Iím womanly in metaphysical ways
Worthy to palpate and rightfully misbehave.

I donít know future-sights of life and couples
Youíre for me, a succubus dream-bubble.
You dismiss me to places Iíve never heard
The Cayman Islands, England, now yearn!

For lads who will provide you will glee
I send bodies to be gregariously free.
Do the possible, not the outrageously cruel
Like rejecting me? Never! Youíd be a fool.

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  #2  
Old 09-28-2018, 03:30 PM
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Hi I see that was poorly missed, or was it so bad as to avoided? Let's see...

A crimson-rose for mamacitas divine (who? incomprehensible words are off-putting in the first line)
You make me lose this track of time. (divine-time- kinda ugh)
Of jigsaw-stones of celestial backbones (interesting)
You’re a reliquary from ancient Rome. (undone by obvious)

You conjure liberation into my life (I read it once, but in my head I stumbled twice - awkward)
And scampers from misfortunes knife. (apostrophe!)
Of gnashing strongholds of love (gnashing feels weak)
I! A bloke gliding with white doves. ("I! A bloke with white doves" this is just shit, thoroughbred shit.)

Across from all corners of the earth (wtf? are you gonna break into song?)
You’ve been of felicity since your birth. (mate, please tell me you were drunk?
You’re a naked gypsy drunk-dancing (interesting if not for the foundation of turd it were built on.)
Hush! Arrive to a chamber prancing. ( prancing, is she a horse?)

Dawdle from things macabre and masculine (meaningless, do not make me think about nothing, it just annoys me)
Men are Sherlock-sketchy ones! I? Feminine.(as above)
I’m womanly in metaphysical ways (nonsense)
Worthy to palpate and rightfully misbehave. (nonsense, come on!)

Ok, you have slipped into drivel, it had potential earlier, but do not try to bamboozle readers with a random string of long words- we ain't that stupid.

I don’t know future-sights of life and couples
You’re for me, a succubus dream-bubble.
You dismiss me to places I’ve never heard
The Cayman Islands, England, now yearn!

For lads who will provide you will glee
I send bodies to be gregariously free.
Do the possible, not the outrageously cruel
Like rejecting me? Never! You’d be a fool.
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  #3  
Old 09-29-2018, 07:47 AM
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Ok thanks for you comments!
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Old 09-29-2018, 12:59 PM
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The one thing you should never do when writing a poem, is try to write a poem.
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Old 09-29-2018, 02:36 PM
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Originally Posted by daes13 View Post
The one thing you should never do when writing a poem, is try to write a poem.
How do you mean?
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a lesson in
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in sound
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Old 09-29-2018, 02:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Nacia View Post
How do you mean?
I honestly don't know a simpler way to say it hahahaha.

I love Keats, and most of his poetry, rhymed and all that shit, reads like common speech. It's beautiful. He was the Cobain of the Romantic era...

Be like Keats, not Dr. Seuss.

Does that make sense?
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Old 09-29-2018, 03:16 PM
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Originally Posted by daes13 View Post
I honestly don't know a simpler way to say it hahahaha.

I love Keats, and most of his poetry, rhymed and all that shit, reads like common speech. It's beautiful. He was the Cobain of the Romantic era...

Be like Keats, not Dr. Seuss.

Does that make sense?
Dr. Seuss was not a poet.
I am still unsure what you mean.
No one can be Keats though.
Nice to see you back by the way!!
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Old 09-29-2018, 03:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Nacia View Post
Dr. Seuss was not a poet.
I am still unsure what you mean.
No one can be Keats though.
Nice to see you back by the way!!
Exactly! Dr. Seuss was not a poet cause he tried to write all poetic and shit. Thats my point. And yeah, Keats the shit.

Never knew i went anywhere hahaha
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Old 09-29-2018, 03:35 PM
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Originally Posted by daes13 View Post
Exactly! Dr. Seuss was not a poet cause he tried to write all poetic and shit. Thats my point. And yeah, Keats the shit.

Never knew i went anywhere hahaha
Haha I get you now
Why do you like Keats? What about Byron?
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Old 09-29-2018, 03:38 PM
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Byron did wonders but wrote poetry and was one of the first hippies. Though, he was a harass championing justice, and created an entire movement, he still wrote poetry.
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Old 09-29-2018, 03:45 PM
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Originally Posted by daes13 View Post
Byron did wonders but wrote poetry and was one of the first hippies. Though, he was a harass championing justice, and created an entire movement, he still wrote poetry.
Do you have a favourite of Keats?
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Old 09-29-2018, 03:57 PM
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Gotta go with the classic Graecian Urn. But Byron did do majesty with the dedication in Don Juan which is one of my favorotes next to Mac Flecknoe by Dryden
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  #13  
Old 09-29-2018, 04:15 PM
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Originally Posted by daes13 View Post
Gotta go with the classic Graecian Urn. But Byron did do majesty with the dedication in Don Juan which is one of my favorotes next to Mac Flecknoe by Dryden
Apart from the poem what do you thin the actual title mean?
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Old 09-29-2018, 04:19 PM
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A beauty that will last forever, Graecian, that the composer can pour his love into, urn

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And the etchings on the side of his love that will last forever
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  #15  
Old 09-29-2018, 04:53 PM
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haha, I am sorry, I just reread my own critique and made myself laugh. Apologies.
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Old 09-29-2018, 05:05 PM
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Bah! Reading is for nerds.
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Old 09-29-2018, 05:20 PM
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Originally Posted by daes13 View Post
Bah! Reading is for nerds.
Reading is good for the soul.
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Old 09-29-2018, 05:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Yonathan1 View Post
Reading is good for the soul.
Fake news!!!! Reading is horroble for the soul
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Old 09-30-2018, 08:27 AM
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Originally Posted by daes13 View Post
Fake news!!!! Reading is horroble for the soul

LOL in your dreams.
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Old 09-30-2018, 09:12 AM
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Originally Posted by Yonathan1 View Post
LOL in your dreams.


Alcoholics donít dream😀
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Old 09-30-2018, 09:58 AM
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Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
Alcoholics donít dream😀
We don't sleep either, just kind of wake up thirsty
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Old 09-30-2018, 06:46 PM
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Originally Posted by daes13 View Post
We don't sleep either, just kind of wake up thirsty
Are you drunk right now?
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Old 09-30-2018, 06:47 PM
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Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
Alcoholics donít dream😀
They dream of drunk sheep? This convo is going nowhere lol.
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