Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry

Poetry Sit down or take a stand in this poetry section.


Thread Tools
Old 09-12-2018, 08:33 AM
Vince (Offline)
Profusive Denizen
Official Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 240
Thanks: 3
Thanks 42
Default Uncommon


Unfriendly symbols dance in front
a slippery mind canít grasp, hides

Straight lines cause only confusion
Circular paths wander but arrive

Journeys go nowhere but see all
outside the box is a calm world

There is no value in commonality
The uncommon, hopes for a place

Learning not to be forced stupid
understanding the mirror calms

Time teaches those who survive
A lidless box opens the Universe

Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2018, 02:23 PM
Chinspinner's Avatar
Chinspinner (Offline)
Heartbreaking Writer of Staggering Genius
Official Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1,317
Thanks: 204
Thanks 230

The first three stanzas feel very bitty. I struggled to create a rhythm and felt as if I were tripping over my own tongue.

"Outside the box is a calm world" I am not sure what you intended by this line but it resonated with me. Ditto the next line.

Unfortunately it all became staccato again afterwards, and the rhythm was lost once again.

In terms of meaning, I get some sense of an Overton window, which you must step outside for a truer understanding; that we are all boxed in on an insidious level, and it takes those brave enough to break conformity to exorcise true reason. This is a great sentiment if expressed more fluidly.
Reply With Quote

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 04:41 PM.

vBulletin, Copyright © 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.