Why do you chop your lines so short?
love has a talent to bring (does it, or is it just a mix of emotions that clouds any objectivity? Yes, perhaps it does, perhaps love results in a cumulative succession of thoughts brought together into a grand culmination of such exquisite significance that it renders us stupid... I assume so)
you and me in full view (oh, it did.)
others rehearse life's balance (what balance, define first)
the invisible apparent (a purposeful juxtaposition or just bad writing?)
immerse, time disperse happy (meaningless)
it is coerced Shakespeare reverse (what?)
tragedies isn't curse. (why plural, surely singular: "tragedy"- still don't get it- please explain.)