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The Checkered Man

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  #1  
Old 09-27-2018, 07:53 PM
Yonathan1 (Offline)
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Default The Checkered Man


Have you arrived to Checker Street?
Home of Checkerboard Man?

He slides black and white Chips
Queens and Kings to shift around.

Have you seen the Checkered Man?
He plays games with Cats and Alice's
by

The earth’s a wooden board and the
people tribal-harpoons Aces and Hearts
believing as they are either of them
Please don’t go to Checkered Street.

Cat People are dangerous to spooky eyes
They’re observed by a Chestnut Fire.

Since games are for filthy pioneers
Gentlemen desire a winners streak.

Checkered Man receives a win
Stray from the world of Checks.

You will lose a skullcap

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  #2  
Old 09-28-2018, 12:36 PM
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Have you arrived to Checker Street?
Home of Checkerboard Man? (intriguing)

He slides black and white Chips
Queens and Kings to shift around. (sounds awkward... Pieces, until the queen ceases and the King is exposed... or something)

Have you seen the Checkered Man? (like the repetition)
He plays games with Cats and Alice's
by ( lost the rhythm here)

The earth’s a wooden board and the (life is but a stage and we are all players...)
people tribal-harpoons Aces and Hearts (lost you a little here.)
believing as they are either of them (and people are aces and hearts... you obfuscate this point through explanation)
Please don’t go to Checkered Street. (simple, like it).

Cat People are dangerous to spooky eyes (they are dangerous to people with spooky eyes- which is what you said- or they have spooky eyes?)
They’re observed by a Chestnut Fire. (again simple and nice)

Since games are for filthy pioneers (Are they? You did not set up that leap)
Gentlemen desire a winners streak. (apostrophe or "winning")

Checkered Man receives a win (Not sure how we got back here)
Stray from the world of Checks. (We were playing chess earlier. What next? Twister?)

You will lose a skullcap (wwhhhaaaattt? Said in the most exaggerated way possible.

Thanks, was fun to read.
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Old 09-28-2018, 02:18 PM
Yonathan1 (Offline)
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Thanks I will fix this poem in a way you'd understand, it was sort of a experimental piece that I was trying to convey.
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Old 09-28-2018, 03:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Yonathan1 View Post
Thanks I will fix this poem in a way you'd understand, it was sort of a experimental piece that I was trying to convey.
Well, thank you for lowering it to my meagre understanding
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Old 09-28-2018, 07:39 PM
Yonathan1 (Offline)
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Originally Posted by Chinspinner View Post
Well, thank you for lowering it to my meagre understanding
You're welcome. And don't mention it.
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