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Poetry Sit down or take a stand in this poetry section.


Uncommon

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  #1  
Old 09-12-2018, 08:33 AM
Vince (Offline)
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Uncommon

Unfriendly symbols dance in front
a slippery mind canít grasp, hides

Straight lines cause only confusion
Circular paths wander but arrive

Journeys go nowhere but see all
outside the box is a calm world

There is no value in commonality
The uncommon, hopes for a place

Learning not to be forced stupid
understanding the mirror calms

Time teaches those who survive
A lidless box opens the Universe

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Old 09-21-2018, 02:23 PM
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The first three stanzas feel very bitty. I struggled to create a rhythm and felt as if I were tripping over my own tongue.

"Outside the box is a calm world" I am not sure what you intended by this line but it resonated with me. Ditto the next line.

Unfortunately it all became staccato again afterwards, and the rhythm was lost once again.

In terms of meaning, I get some sense of an Overton window, which you must step outside for a truer understanding; that we are all boxed in on an insidious level, and it takes those brave enough to break conformity to exorcise true reason. This is a great sentiment if expressed more fluidly.
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