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Thoughts please...First piece i've posted, very start of a novel i'm planning.

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Old 07-15-2012, 02:04 AM
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Default Thoughts please...I have edited/revised..2nd draft reposted


Hi to everyone.
This is my first piece of writing that i have posted here.
I'm looking for any thoughts please, good or bad, i'm not offended easy. lol.
This is the very first start to a novel i'm planning to write. Only in 1st draft stage.
Thank you in advance for any and all comments.



As I handed my card over to him to pay for my purchase, I felt he purposely brought his hand to mine in a manner one would think as inappropriate. He’s hand felt warm as his fingers flickered over mine which seemed to blast an electric energy all the way up to my shoulder.
The energy flowed through my entire body for a brief few seconds, radiating a feeling of lust uncontrollably and the thoughts of being connected with him at a deep level ravaged my mind, as I thanked him shyly and turned to head for the door. I instantly without doubt felt my heart flutter and my emotions and thoughts were already running to a beautiful place, which kept me there for the next few hours.
The day went on and I went about my chores as usual, tending the children, doing the cleaning and finalizing some paperwork that was overdue by a few days. In the midst of all my work I was busily sorting, I felt myself feeling the same energy throughout my body that I had felt this morning from the mysterious man at the store. My body all of a sudden felt warm and sexy, it felt lustful and orgasmic, so much to the point that I had to pause a few times to collect myself and try to put my thoughts back in order.

It was nearly dinner time, and I was looking forward to the night ending, when the kids were in bed and the final tidy of the house was done once again for a day. Only then could I relax and feel I could savor the nice cup of tea with the thoughts of tomorrow and what was to be done.
Finally I slumped down into my big cozy chair with my hot cup of tea and my book I was currently reading. I flicked open to the chapter I was at and began reading, quietly, with only the rhythmic ticking of the clock softly in the background. I couldn’t seem to get my head into the book tonight, I felt I was deeply preoccupied with other thoughts, and secretly I know I was feeling quite a bit lustful too.

I lay my head back into the softness of the chair and closed my eyes gently, letting my mind clear and opening it also, to think whatever it felt it needed to think. I felt my body tingle softly as images of this mornings encounter with this mysterious man emerged within my body, getting hot with warm sensations running blissfully and my breathing was getting quicker and deeper as my thoughts started to delve into unknown territory with passionate actions with this man. Not only were those thoughts just passionate, they were very very lustful and so strong that I could sensually feel my sexual desires beginning to ignite and wanted to explode with the fire that I felt burning, lusting deep within me.

I relived the moment that his hand touched mine, ever softly and seemingly quite sensual, although no words were really exchanged in our encounter. But I still felt what I know I felt. I ponder the idea that he had purposely reached out to touch me, to make himself known to me in a sensual pathway, only known to us. Or of course, I could be reading it all completely wrong and he had only accidentally touched my hand, with no thoughts again from the incident from his side. I wondered if he indeed did feel anything like I had felt, or was I just a desperate woman wanting and wishing it was much more. I enjoyed my thoughts so much, to the point of complete satisfaction that night. I was so busy thinking and letting the feelings just grow and in a way helping them to manifest themselves throughout my body in every way possible.

I awoke that night still in my chair, in the same position I had been in when I had lay my head back to relish upon my thoughts. It was late when I wearily rose from my chair to head out to the kitchen to fetch myself a glass of water, before heading to bed. My mouth was dry and my throat was feeling raspy. Before I had finished filling my glass, I encountered a strong sensation that seemed to rise up within me from the depths of my heart. This sensation was foreign, an unknown force that wanted and felt it needed to burst out through my breast and throw myself into the arms of the man I had mesmerized myself with just hours before.

I felt in my heart, quite deeply within, that I knew this soulful mysterious man. I felt I connected with him on a level not known to many. I felt I needed to see him again and it pounded through my mind that it had to be sooner rather than later. I finished my glass of water and took myself off to bed. Climbing into the warm soft covers of the quilts, I lay down on my back and closed my eyes gently. As I lay there silently, relaxed and calm, I had a series of seemingly deja vu flashes float through my mind, again of the man that had the soft hands that threw his igniting energies out to me.
I lay there, my hands tightening and feeling a little tense. I vaguely noticed my heart rate going faster, my breathing getting quicker and my pussy starting to pulsate. I ran my hands over my body, slowly and very softly, as if they were his. I had an instant reaction to play just then, as the thoughts wandered and got stronger, of this man, and his energizing and pleasurable hands touched my body from my head to my toes. I sensed the joy and sensuality as his hand paused down on my pussy and his fingers gently and softly fingered my clitoris. I felt myself getting wet and juicy, with such a strong affection towards this man that my hands were now out of control and I had to follow through with the play that I had started.
It felt good, it was exhilarating and I felt he was there in the flesh that night with me, toying with me, casting his spell of lust onto me, leaving me feeling I needed him more.


Thank you for taking the time to read my post.


Last edited by Thinkpassion; 07-16-2012 at 05:37 PM.. Reason: Revised 2nd draft
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  #2  
Old 07-15-2012, 02:07 AM
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If you wouldn't mind, please change the font into a slightly larger one. Easier on the eyes of those who no longer have a 20/20 eye sight.

And while you're at it, add a blank line between para's to give the whole less of a wall of text look.

Just a suggestion to help your readers.
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Old 07-15-2012, 02:10 AM
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Hi Luckyme.

Yes, i'm sorry, i will do that next time. I didn't even realize untill after i had posted it.
Thank you for reminding me.
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Old 07-15-2012, 02:12 AM
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You can still do that to this one. We have an edit button. Can do lots of nifty stuff to your already posted work.
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Old 07-15-2012, 02:19 AM
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Well i managed to seperate the text up a bit more, but i can't seem to get the text to increase in size.
Any suggestions?? I have already tried the sizing button in the edit mode, but it doesn't seem to have made much difference.
Sorry.

Last edited by Thinkpassion; 07-15-2012 at 04:34 AM.. Reason: Practicing my editing as i had wrong text size everywhere...lol
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Old 07-15-2012, 04:25 AM
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Sheez, no need to shout at me.

(See how I've made that word really big?)

You click the edit button, go advanced and then select the entire text and open the dropbox besides size, chose an appropriate size, (not as big as your sorry now is please,) and poof it's all bigger.
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  #7  
Old 07-16-2012, 05:22 PM
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Default Revised/Edited version...2nd draft...Comments please

As I handed my card over to him to pay for my purchase, I felt he purposely brought his hand to mine in a manner one would think as inappropriate. He’s hand felt warm as his fingers flickered gently over mine which seemed to blast an electric charge all the way up to my shoulder.
The energy flowed through my entire body for a brief few seconds, radiating a feeling of lust uncontrollably and the thoughts of being connected with him at a deep level ravaged my mind, as I thanked him shyly and turned to head for the door. I instantly without doubt felt my heart flutter and my emotions and thoughts were already running to a beautiful place, which kept me there for the next few hours.

The day went on and I went about my chores as usual, tending the children, doing the cleaning and finalizing some paperwork that was overdue by a few days. In the midst of all my work I was busily sorting, I felt myself feeling the same feeling that I had felt earlier this morning, from the mysterious man at the store. My body all of a sudden felt warm and sexy, it felt lustful and orgasmic, so much to the point that I had to pause a few times to collect myself and try to put my thoughts back in order.

It was nearly dinner time, and I was looking forward to the night ending, when the kids were in bed and the final tidy of the house was done once again for a day. Only then could I relax, be calm and savour the nice cup of tea with the thoughts of tomorrow and what was to be done.

Finally I slumped down into my big cosy chair with my hot cup of tea and my book I was currently reading. I flicked open to the chapter I was at and began reading, quietly, with only the rhythmic ticking of the clock softly in the background. I couldn’t seem to get my head into the book tonight, I felt I was deeply preoccupied with other thoughts, and secretly I know I was feeling quite a bit lustful too. I lay my head back into the softness of the chair and closed my eyes gently, letting my mind clear and opening it also to think whatever it felt it needed to think. I felt my body tingle softly as images of this mornings encounter with this mysterious man emerged, hot sensations, burning desires, and my breathing was stepping up a notch or two, as my thoughts started to delve into unknown territory with passionate actions with this man.

Not only were those thoughts just passionate in a non-sexual way, they were very lust driven, so strong that I could sensually feel my sexual desires beginning to ignite and wanted to explode with the fire that I felt burning, lusting deep within me. I relived the moment that his hand touched mine, ever softly and seemingly quite sensual, although no words were really exchanged in our encounter. But I still felt what I know I felt. I ponder the idea that he had purposely reached out to touch me, to make him self known to me in a sensual touch pathway. Or of course, I could be reading it all completely wrong and he had only accidentally touched my hand, with no thoughts again from the incident from his side. I wondered some more, if he indeed did feel anything like I had felt, or was I just a desperate woman wanting and wishing it was much more. I relished my thoughts so much to the point of complete satisfaction that night. I was so busy thinking and letting the feelings just grow and in a way helping them to manifest themselves throughout my body in every way possible.

I awoke that night still in my chair, in the same position I had been in when I had lay my head back to reflect upon my sweet thoughts. It was late when I wearily rose from my chair to head out to the kitchen to fetch myself a glass of water, before heading to bed. My mouth was dry and my throat was feeling raspy. Before I had finished pouring my glass, I encountered a strong sensation that seemed to rise up within me from the depths of my heart. This sensation was a foreign one, an unknown force that wanted and felt it needed to burst out through my breast and throw myself into the arms of the man I had mesmerized myself with just hours before. I felt in my heart, quite deeply within, that I knew this soulful mysterious man, somehow, somewhere before.

I felt I connected with him on a level not known to many. I knew I needed to see him again and it pounded through my mind that it had to be sooner rather than later. After I finished my glass of water and took myself off to bed, climbing into the warm soft covers of the quilts, I lay down on my back and closed my eyes gently. As I lay there silently, relaxed and calm, a series of seemingly deja vu flashes teasingly flittered through my mind, again of the man that had the soft hands that threw his igniting energies out to me. I lay there, my hands tightening and feeling a little tense, vaguely noticing my heart rate going faster, my breathing getting quicker and my sweet spot starting to pulsate. I ran my hands over my body, slowly and very softly, as if they were his. I had an instant reaction to play just then, as the thoughts wandered and got stronger of this man, and his energizing and sensual hands touched my body from my head to my toes.

I indulged myself in the delight and sensuality as his hand paused down on my sweet spot and his fingers gently and softly flicked my clitoris. I felt myself getting moist and watery, with such a strong affection towards this man that my hands were now out of control and I had to follow through with the play that I had started. It felt good, it was exhilarating and I felt he was there in the flesh that night with me, toying with me, casting his spell of lust onto me, leaving me feeling I needed him more...........


The first draft that i posted above was just that. I have gone back and edited so making this the second draft.
Any thoughts, comments or otherwise are welcomed please.
Thank you in advance.

Last edited by Thinkpassion; 07-16-2012 at 05:24 PM.. Reason: Too small text....again...lol
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  #8  
Old 07-20-2012, 04:29 AM
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Very descriptive, although I'd just leave it at "moist" instead of "moist and watery" as it's just a little bit too strong of a description when describing something like this.
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